I've never really been able to hear the lyrics to songs. I don't see how other people do it. I can play a song on loop for hours and never really pick up on what they're saying. Ah, well. When talking with someone for long periods over he phone, there are long stretches of conversation that never really register with me, and my mind is usually focused on other thing at the time. When I'm in a language course, such as the German course I've been repeatedly withdrawing from, all I can ever really hear is nonsensical murmering. Even when listening to my native tongue, I can't handle more than one person at once, and I've been known to shout into the middle of a mult-directional conversation (involving lots of people talking over one another), "ONLY ONE OF US CAN TALK AT ONCE! SHAT! FOCK!" Sorry, guys, but I can't understand a word you're saying when you're talking over one another. It just doesn't work. As I was saying earlier, my attention tends to wander while a person is talking at length, and sometimes I get indications of annoyance over me repeatedly having to say, "Umm, can you repeat that again for me, please? One more time. Okay, umm, again?" I can be a difficult person to talk to. Worse, when I do talk, I tend to verbally "write an essay," rather than chatting in the normal sense of the word, and this has gotten reactions mixed as far as "Wow! You're so articulate in what you say! It's amazing!" to "Does this kid ever stop talking?" (from a guy three years my junior, no less. I've always looked young for my age). The latter guy said, "My GOD; when I talked to him over text, it was like listening to Shakespeare! How is he so different face to face???"
In spite of this issue, however, I have little trouble socializing when I get it into my head that I want to do so. I've learned to recognize tonal/bodily queues to nod agreeably, and I've learned to give canned chatback to statements I only partially understood. Such as:
"I was going to the beach, and I met this crazy guy with this hair hanging in his face."
"Oh, yes, beaches are fun to go to! Do you surf?"
"Yeah, and he was chanting in this weird tongue and acted like he was casting a spell or something!"
"Oh, he was speaking another language? Where would you guess he was from?"
Results tend to be mixed. On the nodding, I've been caught out a few times, and I always know I've nodded in the wrong place when the guy who's talking suddenly halts in his speech and gives me this Look. At that point, I just come out and admit, "Sorry, I really have no idea what you're saying. I'm just being agreeable. Is it working? Just tell me if you say something I'll need to know later, or I won't remember it 'til next month!" That's a queer aspect of my auditory memory: it's hard to get stuff to even GO INTO my working memory, but it's coded straight into long-term memory and can be pulled up verbatim or almost so months after the conversation. It's why I perform so well in class in spite of never really paying conscious attention to what's going on. In fact, it works better if I'm not paying conscious attention lol.
People are generally quick to take a liking to me, though, and I do find my share of friends in most places. I consider most of them more like acquaintances, though. The problem is, I have trouble developing a sense of social permanence. Though, when I do make friends, they're forever, I rarely even completely remember a person's face if I never really developed that bond. I have people I've considered like kin to me or better for years and years and years. That's hard to find for most people. Casual friends are hard for me to find, though, so it's fair.
And I consider the social lopsidedness all part of the same issue that's causing the APD. I'm almost COMPLETELY sure that it's just a symptom of the same issue.
20 Nov 2007, 7:35 am
