The fundamental difference between AS and NT people is ....

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That's entirely possible, but it might also be possible that you are feeling something, yet you don't know or understand that you are feeling it. I am not entirely sure which of those things apply to me, because I'm either mostly oblivious to most emotions, and either don't have much of them or don't know that I'm feeling them, or my own self awareness of rationality and logic are so strong that they completely blot out whatever emotions I might have had.

Yeah, that is an excelent point. But I see things a little different
I function primarily from emotions, that's how I relate to everything, but my logic is still separated from emotions, and that ability can in a sense give me more control. It comes down to distancing myself and not letting emotions control me.

My good friends have told me that it is not impossible to control your emotions, contrary to what people think. Apparently, it's probably not easy, but it is possible. It's different for everyone.

How do you know if you're paying proper attention to situations?

most of the time i'm in a social situation, my emotions don't even get involved. i just stand around awkwardly and say what needs to be said. (which is usually nothing)

the times that i usually do get taken over by emotions are when i'm interrupted or caught focusing on something and expected to socialize.

if i expect something, i deal with it properly, which is why i spend so much time predicting what will happen and making plans and schedules. when i am in public, i expect to encounter people. when i'm at home, i don't. this makes my mom the only person i respond emotionally to.

when i do encounter a social encounter that i expect, but don't know how to respond to properly, i just stand around and go "uhhh... yeah..." and occasionally try to move on.

i definitely am just very calm and relaxed and happy, and because of it, there are normal people who like me even though i'm totally bizarre in other ways.

Both of my closest friends are obsessive self-analysers (they just do it different - I do it by running a movie in my head, or perhaps imagining a conversation with someone else, while they reason with themselves) and none of them is autistic.

Take pretty much anyone with a conscientious or asthenic personality pattern, I'm not even talking about obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, and try to see how much analysing they do.

One might argue that these people may not be entirely "NT". But then of course, the question is what exactly constitutes NT, if there is such a thing at all.

Very good question.

I know empirically. Nobody ever sucker punched me from behind, injured me, provoked me emotionally(though they tried) or distracted me with drinks, women or other diversions. I was also threatened and offered bribes for various reasons. None of which was successful. At the same time i minded my private business located in that club.

Other than that, I dont know for sure!

Good if it works for you, but, for many of us, it won't be possible to assess in this way whether we pay proper attention to situations.

Paying proper attention to a situation isn't the same as understanding the situation well enough to be functional within it. We don't see things that NTs see; that makes it very easy for us to misunderstand a social situation, even if we've paid proper attention to it. As a result, we might still encounter adverse reactions from others.

Actually, you are wrong. Neuroticism is one of the Big Five dimensions of personality; NTs can be highly neurotic, very emotionally stable, and everything in between, and so can aspies. Emotional dysregulation in particular is a sign of borderline personality disorder. A simple glance in the DSM-IV-TR or the ICD-10 shows what the diagnostic criteria are, and your emotional dysregulation theory does not explain them.

I happen to be partial to another theory: Autistic conditions are a consequence of the narrow focus of attention. I see it in myself to an extent, and accounts of how more low-functioning autistic people experience the world leads me to conclude they have this single-mindedness to a greater degree. In the profoundly autistic individual, often only one sense can be perceived at a time and often only in segment (thus an autistic may only be able to focus on a small part of their visual field at a time). I see this in myself to a degree when, for example, I cannot talk cohesively while also paying attention to something else and prefer to focus intensely on one thing at a time rather than multitask. My focus on the literal purpose of an event or organization made it more difficult for me to have the social spontaneity to see these things as also ways to meet people (now I'm remedying that); the more profoundly autistic will not understand any figurative language. This also explains obsessive interests.

But what is normal social functioning? From what I see it is just a facade created by people who dont necessarily want to pretend but feel they have to to survive.

Being unable to understand or participate in an unwritten, unspoken, unknown system does not equate to an illness. It just means the person is not equipped to do so.

Well, I think the fundamental difference is: perception.

NTs see less of all and can sort out the relevant. Thus they don't need routine. The world is ordered and simple for them. They don't need rules to be spelled out, because they can pick up the important ones.

Autistic can't sort through the information they perceive. The world is out of order and downright chaotic. They need to create nifty routines to know what to do. They also need clear rules, clear definitions and a clear (honest) interaction to know what's 'going on'.


Edit: That's also why NTs constantly fail to notice what an autistic person notices right away. The only problem is that the autistic person has no control over what they notice. It may thus be the most unnecessary detail. The NT is more likely correct. They only see the biggest ten things (that are personally/emotionally related to them) of which they can perceive 5-7 at a time. The autistic person doesn't care for personal/emotional relation. They see all 100 things at once, of which they too can perceive only 5-7 at a time.

Quota is against autistic perception with this one.

In my case, I would say you are right. Anyways, unable to correctly control our emotions, some of us just distract ourselves with other things instead of even recognizing the emotions.

You'll get no argument from me on your statement. I simply wished to point out that we dont have any problems with perception. What we do with that perception is where the problem lies. I too get adverse reactions because I dont behave "proper".

You've worded it very well.