The Funniest Thing a Shrink Ever Said to You

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Hehe, that reminds me of the Argument Clinic sketch of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Better keep this thread hidden, otherwise Hollywood script writers are going to come here and steal these things for the script of the next psychiatric oriented blockbuster comedy.

I was feeling real weird and sad and I asked her, why am I so different.

"Well, you suffer from a psycological illness . . ." she lost me after that

Asperger's disease...

Therapist: yells and yells and yells at me for an (unconventional) opinion I expressed that she doesn't agree with.
Me: Look at my watch, slowly get out my purse, put the money for the session on the table, tell her softly "See you next week", rise from my armchair, open the door, look back and see her still yelling and punching the air, close the door behind me and leave.

Following week, she's as if nothing had happened.

Greentea and SilverProteus, yours are HILARIOUS!


My shrink was competent... he told me funny stories of some of his patients though.

Me: ...and Sue called me about the electrician, I gave her the details, and when I asked her how she was doing and what was new, she interrupted me with "No, Greentea. I now have a boyfriend, so...you understand, right? I just called about the electrician details. Talk to you. Bye, bye."
Therapist: It's your abusive childhood that makes you see her as not interested in friendship with you. We have to work on your childhood trauma.

3 weeks later...

Me: So I asked Sue and she confirmed it, now that she has a boyfriend she doesn't want a friendship with me anymore, she said. My feeling was right, then.
Therapist: Well, how could I know?

The first Paediatrician we saw for diagnosis of our then 6 year old was an idiot.

After discussing with her our son's constant meltdowns, talk of suicide, going beserk at school, and we were desperate for some help she says ....

"So what's your agenda here?"

We sacked her and found an excellent Paediatrician!

Helen

this one psychiatrist tryed getting me to laugh when he told me a story about someone masturbating with a loaf of bread in his hands. i was more shocked and speechless than anything, i couldnt believe it

yee gads!

The first shrink I ever saw said I had "double depression" meaning that I was a person already depressed who had become even more depressed.

double depression, he said? Tell him you rather have a quarter pounder AS.

With cheese and fries.

I love Monty Python!

Psych: "Close your eyes for me, I want to try something."
Me: "...I don't feel comfortable closing my eyes."
Psych: "Why? Does the darkness frighten you?"
Me: "...no, it's just that if I close my eyes at home at all, my parents think they're being funny when they come up to me and grab me and try to startle me."
Psych: "Oh really? Give me an example." (He closes his eyes)
Me: *walks up to the psych real slowly and quietly* "RAWR!" *grabs him suddenly*
Psych: "OMGOMGOMG AAAAHHHHHHHH"


XDDDDD He was so scared.

This was when I was 6 BTW.

Same here:

Even though he said that he didn't know much about it (because he was a psychiatrist and I was wrongly being treated for obsessions), he said that my language wasn't formal enough and Asperger's are 'cold', which I wasn't. Thanks to that jackass, it took an extra 2 years to get an assessment. What a surprise - I had AS...

This was not a shrink it was a nurse at the mental hospital and some other personnel guys

I: Let go of me!
personnelguy: but i cant let go of you until you calm down
I: i hate you let go of me
otherpersonnelguy: calm down
I: let me outta this f*****g hospital NOW or i'll kill myself let me out let me out let me out let go of me
personnelpeople:calm down
I: i want to get the hell out of here now i want to get out of this hospital okay and that now i am sick of this place let me out
nurse: but WWHHHYYYY have you destroyied the door????????? (theres a door that leads OUT of the room out to the freedom, and its locked)
I: because................... i
want
to
get
out
of
here
.
nurse:Ahaaaa.......

My shrink is very good so so nothing bad.

The funniest thing was answering something about how she would think. I said she is a professional.

To which she replied "I'm human too"

I said '..but you're trained to think differently'

She agreed.