Is it wrong to complain about a neighbor who is....

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You don't have to take it.

Just don't expect her to be nice to you about it.

Ugh. He is within his rights, she can be stopped.

But he seems to think she should be pleasant about that. Since when is anyone pleasant about not being allowed to have their own way? We're not talking right and wrong. We're talking about neighbors getting along.

I noted earlier that our neighbor had an illegal, ugly and fire-hazard shed up until she passed away. One day we tried to see if she was open to removing it, realized that it was extremely important to her, and decided to let it be. Yes, we could have reported it - my husband considered it. But the cost would have been a frosty relationship with the neighbor, and we made the choice that we preferred getting along with her to forcing removal of the shed.

These are the types of choices that people make every single day in real life. It doesn't matter who is right sometimes, if what you want is to get along. Sometimes it only matters who thinks they are right. In our case, the neighbor thought she was within her rights, and pointing out that she wasn't would have alienated her. Life isn't as absolute as some of you want to make it.

I have said that they have every right to complain about the vegetable garden, given that it is against the CC&R's. What I have also said is that they should not be surprised to discover that their neighbor is angry at them for doing so. Does that make her right? No. It makes her human. You choose to allow for that, or you don't. I am not saying she SHOULD be upset, I am just saying that no one should be shocked when she is. It isn't about IF she should or should not be upset, it is about acknowledging the reality that she is. Just because she was in the wrong doesn't mean her emotions are being checked at the curb in this situation.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 19 Sep 2008, 2:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Why have you sided with the offender ?

It's really annoying me.

How would you feel if someone moved in opposite you and set up a fluorescent marquee with tacky signs, selling groceries to the neighbourhood ?

Would you be so keen to side with the offender then, I wonder ?

I am having touble understanding why you believe I have sided with the offender.

I have not.

I have simply pointed out that he cannot expect to have the garden removed AND have his neighbor all warm and fuzzy towards him. People are rarely warm and fuzzy to those who keep them from what they want, regardless of whether or not they had a right to that want in the first place. I am not commenting on if it should be so, I simply acknowledging that it IS so. And it is a reality that people are wise to consider when deciding whether or not to complain about a neighbor.

I'm just curious. How would you expect the neighbor to respond to having a complaint filed against her, despite the fact that the filer is in the right? Not how you think she should respond, but how you think the average person would respond? Maybe your experience is different than mine but in the world as I've seen it adults rarely take kindly to being told they are wrong, especially when it comes to their homes.

Again, I'm not discussing who is right and who is wrong. I'm discussing how a person reacts to being told they are wrong.

You have every right to complain; in my personal opinion, this is petty. You're not selling the property at this time, so that is moot. Given the choice between plants and my neighbor's house - I take plants everyday. And in this economy, the forethought and effort she is putting for is a lot more important and practical to me than to take offense because someone is trying to make ends meet. You're in the right, but that doesn't make it right in my mind.


M.

I expect her to think:

"Maybe I am going overboard here. I already have a farm growing on my residential property that is an eyesore and my cats and dogs are constantly walking on their property. Maybe I should draw the line."

Would be nice, wouldn't it? And I do try to be like that myself.

But such response is rare in real life, or takes a long time coming. Sorry, it is what it is. May as well understand that and move forward accordingly.

You're totally out of order here.

The OP finds it offensive.

Why are you questioning his right to do so ?

If it were part of a vendetta, it might be considered petty.
But it's not.
The OP finds it an eye-sore.
The offender has blatantly disregarded this possibility ASWELL as the law of the estate.

I'm sure the residents could set up market stalls to make money from the estate - but is that acceptable ?

Rules are there for very good reasons.
And this instance is one of them.

Why do you have such trouble getting your head around that ?

Perhaps because you've never had to live by rules or discipline.

Those who have issues with the OP's position strike me as lacking in basic courtesy, consideration or self-discipline.

If you don't like the rules, you should go somewhere where they're not a problem - NOT expect everyone else to adapt to YOUR whims.

Walking? Or does that also imply they leave mess? You do realise how utterly impossible it is to persuade a cat not to "trespass", don't you?

In all probability, you are quite technically right to complain about your neighbour. However, the attitude you are displaying here suggests that you are a pissy moaning jobsworth who cant stand anyone not doing what you think is right. Hence people are developing a desire to side with the mysterious neighbour, target of your vitriol that she is.

It raises the question: is this garden actually an eyesore, or is it just an eyesore to you?

What were relations like with your neighbour before the new earthworks?

Has anyone else complained?

As politely as possible - bugger off. First, this isn't the Haven, and if I have a critical observation, I will share it. Second, in NO way was the right to complain questioned - I simply find it to be petty. Period. My opinion - if you don't like it, don't share it, but cope. As a society, we are too concerned with rights and not with responsibilities and compassion. If that is the world you desire, take it - but don't expect my compliance. Your tone is insulting - as a teacher, I implement rules and discipline regularly... but unlike most, I question the reasons we are expected to do so. There is not good reason for this rule; it is an appeasement of vanity and a waste of resources in my mind. If you disagree, that's fine - but remember that is only your opinion. 10131111919.


M.

It is possible to keep the cats and dogs indoors like a most people do. We are not going to complain about the pets. Their cats and dogs being on our property is not a right, it is a privilege.




Would you (or anyone else) be ok with rows and rows of food plants that are 5 feet high all over a neighbors property?

This is residential community. Not a farming community.




The same neigbors we have a problem with joked that the previous tenants moved because of them. The truest things are said in jest.

Last edited by JWRed on 19 Sep 2008, 3:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You obviously still can't stand the idea of being told you can't do something - regardless of the consequences to others.

Your attitude typifies the self-centred, 'me me me' spoilt brats of today, who know all their rights but shirk anything resembling responsibility.

I have no issues with the neighbour creating an eye-sore for her neighbours - just so long as she recompenses them on an equable basis - with perhaps a one-off lump sum of a few thousand or a monthly payment of a few hundred while she continues to disregard her neighbours' feelings.

Fair ?

For you to presume you have any basis to judge, is absurd. If you have read anything I have written, I expound the fact that our society is too consumed with rights and not responsibilities. I invite you to take a moment and do the research. Strange - I am accused of having a me-first attitude, when I find the fact that the OP is complaining about their visual enjoyment when another is working to provide food for themselves - in my personal opinion, I find the complaint ridiculous. That is my opinion - you're welcome to enjoy it or throw it on the fire. If we want to talk about spoilt brats, let's discuss a society where one's landscape is more important than being able to afford to live and feed their family. There are rules I dismiss freely - where is it writ or promised that they have a right to a scenic window? *shrug* Your posts have an undercurrent of entitlement that I don't quite understand, and don't care to - it's not conducive to the life I want. If you would like to continue this aspect of the conversation, or to attack me on a more personal level, I ask that you do so in a PM - it would be inappropriate to do so in this venue.


M.

What utter, utter sanctimonious piffle. :rolleyes:

The very fact that you saw the need to change my name for the sake of a poor attempt at insult suggests to me that you are in fact an irritating s**t who will complain about anything mostly for the sake of complaining.

Keeping pets cooped up inside is not always healthy, either for the pets or the owners. Do you not like pets or something?

I have zero problem with people growing produce as it happens, and do not consider an organised plot to be an eyesore. Rusting car hulks, fifteen foot weeds, or parched dust/lumpen mud.. those are eyesores. A decently tended allotment.. no.

And again: you may have the technical right to b***h, but it is sure you are looking more and more like the archetypal neighbour from hell.

You also failed to answer simple questions. Has anyone else complained apart from you about this garden that is a current member of the community?

Northerners !
I feckin' HATE Northerners.