I'm bursting with envy

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Wow, Greentea, I think we've had pretty similar experiences in this. I love art, but I detest artsy subculture (to the point that I'd rather look up anything art-related I'm interested in online rather than seek any sort of lessons, advice, etc), I'm studying a science but mostly can't stand my peers (frivolous, hypocritical and anti-intellectual) and certainly don't fit in among them, etc.* Socialising for me is mostly about finding a group/person that will endure me and that I can endure, truly belonging seems a pipe dream. I've lived in 6 different cities in 4 different countries on 2 different continents, but I'm an outcast everywhere and belong nowhere. Social life around me seems to consist of clubbing (i don't like dancing), drinking and the odd house party to which I'm invariably not invited. It's almost impossible to find anyone around me that I can at all talk to about the things that interest me; the only interests around here appear to be gossip, sex, popular culture and work.
I too am shunned - some merely ignore me, others shun me like they wouldn't shun a leper. The only people that accept me at all are either people who are open and friendly to everyone, or fellow outcasts. Most people will sooner forgive murder than forgive you for being a weirdo - this says it all:

me: What have I done to you [that you hate me so much]?
her: You were born.


PS There's enough acting in real life to get into theater on top of that...


*In my experience, what really makes people connect is sharing a similar worldview and shared life experiences - common interests count for nothing if both are absent.

Wow, thanks millie. You inspire me too. It's my life's ambition to achieve success in a creative area like you have, although I haven't got as far as I would like because of being torn between 3 obsessions (music, creative writing, art), I never seem to be able to stick to one and drop the others, so progress on my projects is slow.

To be a successful artist like you are, having people paying all that money for your paintings, wow...

Yeah, it's sickening aint it? I lost count of the number of times I rolled my eyes yesterday. Was on my way to work yesterday and every second car must've had miniature to massive (I'm talking in metres here) flags stuck to the windows or hanging off he bonnets.

Yesterday was a good day though, because the upper boss of my restaurant called me specifically to offer me a wage increase and a higher position because he really wants to keep me (my boss had told him I was a really hard worker and said all these nice things, apparently ). Pity I'm going back to uni in a month so I will have to leave (I originally just worked there as a holiday job, Friday and Saturday nights).

You´ve expressed many thoughts that I´ve been having lately. I promised myself that I would go to an AS meeting in February, but I´m worried that I won´t feel comfortable, or "fit in" there either. I really don´t know what to expect; I don´t know any AS people in real life- (none that I know of, anyway). I haven´t seen many videos of AS people either, so I don´t have much to compare to. I saw Dan Akroyd once in an interview- he seemed quite "normal", maybe slightly fidgety, but I would never guess he would have AS if I didn´t know. What I can say is I certainly don´t present like they show it in the movies!! ! In my case, I feel like a lot of what´s going on with me is very internal....but I don´t know how "obvious" it is to the general public. And, being undiagnosed all my life, I tried extra hard to act NT- (not realizing that that was what I was doing, of course). Actually, I suspect that I come across as being more "high functioning" in social situations than I feel, although it´s hard to say...like you said, I don´t really know how I come across to people. I´m just worried that if I show up to an AS meeting, that someone may laugh and tell me I don´t belong there....

Sorry to hear this happens to you. Little consolation, I know, but the same happens to me to. I never seem to meet anyone with my tastes until years later, by which time I've moved on to something else. If you're looking for people with a 'neuro diverse non-NT' approach to life, at about 1 in a 150, it's not surprising we rarely meet the others in real life. We're often the 'shy and retiring' type which lessens even that probability.

Still, regardless of NT/AS I envy people who seem able to meet others with similar interests. As a teenager I became fixated on heavy rock music when *everybody* else liked punk, pop and disco. I felt like an outsider, yet there were still plenty of gigs and festivals where tens of thousands of people with my taste went, but I never met anyone similar so couldn't go to these That is only one example....

Somehow, other people seem to meet and form groups/cliques/circles of friends around shared interests. It's not like my interests are obscure as "The life and habitat of the lesser spotted grebe warbler 1985 - 1990". Perhaps relevant is the fact that through the internet, I have managed to occasionally connect with others, which suggests there's something I'm doing wrong in face-to-face real life.



Yes, that worked for me, too. From zero friends as a teenager to dozens in my twenties, mostly through drugs (the remainder through being an amateur musician). Although I was only an occasional dope smoker, the dope scene was very tolerant of difference, celebrated it even. It really came from a chance meeting with one person who was a 'key' to a whole subculture. Befriending a dope dealer or two was the key to befriending almost every misfit in the city! Suddenly, I was going with large groups of friends to every music festival possible! Drugs may take some peoples lives, but they probably saved mine.

It wasn't a real answer though. Firstly, when the other misfits settled down (career/partner/kids) they invariably left the scene totally. Eventually I moved on too and that was that. I though that I'd learnt how to make friends, it was a painful lesson to realise that I hadn't. And still haven't even now.

The usual advice: "Get out, meet people, join a group", just doesn't work so well for many of us, if at all. I've tried this many times and even though enjoying the activity, invariably find that I am the one who nobody can remember the name of even after several months! The reality is that misfits and outsiders do not, in general, attend organised courses and group activities.

In terms of meeting people with similar interests, I thing luck, fate, destiny and the scriptwriter in the clouds etc all play a big part. All my relationships and friendships have had HUGE amounts of luck and chance involved. Planning and strategy just doesn't seem to work as well for me, in fact usually worse as they result in unhappiness when yet another attempt to be social leads to the same end result.

just to qualify alittl ehere....so - i am amemebr of a subcultre and i have an alternative lifestyle to some degree. but still, i spend most days at home alone and my main contact wiht people is still email and phonea nd maybe skype a bit now.....screens are excellent, excellent fot us ibelieve. i can do things i oculdn't do twenty years ago. and yet still, i am quite isolated and singular and alone. i even have my own room with a single bed and my little things in it and the teddy i was given when i was born - which i consider far more important than most humans. i do not go out much. i maybe go to one party a year and do not like large gatherings, and i can be social but it is probably a "social"that most people would consider idiosyncratic and strange. most people i know from 12 step programs know about my rules about visiting. no dropping in. arrangement first. if i am invited anywhere, expect a "no" answer and do not take it personally as it has nothing to do with whether i like someone or not, and if you want to speak with me - the best way is via phone EVEN if you live up the street....people know this about me.
and anyone who cannot handle how i do things and the way i live can, these days, get on their bike and peddle on as far away from me as is possible.


oh, and just an addition. GO and get Lars and the REAL GIRL out on dvd if you haven't already.
it says a lot about what we need from other humans.

I totally agree with this statement, and that´s basically how it´s been for me, too.

Why do you think I don't accept the standard for "being an adult?" The standard seems to be "grow up and be brainwashed by public/private education, get straight As and get into a really good college to be further brainwashed, then get an office job and complain about the economy to look smart to everyone else" Gee...that's so thrilling. Well...most people look like blithering idiots to ME. Dude, most people are crowd pleasers. Most of them who SAY they aren't are saying it to look cool to the "anti-crowd pleasing" crowd; yes it exists.

Now, if you've got issues with seeking financial profit, I'd like to direct you to the Communist Party, but otherwise let me tell ya...my main fixation is.....ACTION FIGURES! I love 'em! In fact, I love 'em so much, I STARTED MY OWN BUSINESS TO SELL THEM! They're my life! And....if I didn't think I'd be banned for it, I'd even post the link to my website here! Just um...LMK if I can