Neurotypicals are happier than people with AS

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I was referring to "NT" and "stupid shallow people" as being distinct. I was responding to someone who made a post generalizing too much about NT's. Also, the shallowness I'm referring to isn't the same as what you're referring to.

Last edited by marshall on 05 May 2009, 3:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's taking things for granted maybe, I don't know. I guess one thing that illustrates the difference between me and other people most is how I'm always observing things while other people are always busy doing things. When I was little I remember building block towers and then just sitting there and admiring the symmetry. When I fly I always get a window seat because I'm so fascinated by the vastness of the earth below and the massive three-dimensionality of clouds moving by in different layers and at different distances. I get entranced by it. Most NT's are bored by these types of things. I'm considered weird for staring out the window for the duration of the flight. They'd rather me put the shade down so they can watch some dumb in-flight movie. It seems like all they care about is people and activities.

Whenever I see the 'NT=stupid jock' sterotype, it makes me want to RAAAGE. Seriously, for every one of 'us' thats deep and meaningful, there are ten of them. Full stop.

There are three reasons as to why I think NT's have happier lives than Aspies

1) Stupidity. Yes, I know what I just said, but what I didn't mention is the ten idiot NT's for every 'deep' one. Often the stupidest can be the happiest, but sadly if they were to ever realise just how pointless their lives were, they would be the most miserable.

2) Numbers. If 99% of the worlds population was aspie instead of NT, 'we'd' be the happy ones. Since culture and the like are based around NT's, of course they will be happier in a standard society.

3) Socialising. A life is defined by the social relationships one builds. Its not so much a case of 'more friends = happier' but rather the more good friends you have(in comparison to 'myspace' type friends), the happier you will be. Of course, this may not apply to some of you, but I'm sure the majority know what I'm talking about. Since an NT is more sociable than an aspie, naturally they will have a happier life in this regard. Those few 'Socialite' NT's are often happier still, as their social skills could almost be said to be as much better than normal as an NT is to an Aspie. Often this comes at the cost of intelligence though...

Ok, you say they seem happier...may I remind you who are the ones who can't read social cues and body language?

May I also remind you that socialization for the most part is nothing more than deceit and buying into fantasy?

You don't know for a fact that they're happier, and I'd wager that they probably aren't.

Following the crowd doesn't make you happier. And being smarter doesn't make you unhappy, either.

The idea of the "painted on smile" comes to mind.

Good public relations skills do not always equal happiness.




Then what does make you happier?


Actually, I'm wondering if they're are in fact different kinds of happiness.

For instance, if I solve a puzzle, study an object, play a computer game or do well on a test. I feel satisfaction.

But it's very different feeling for me compared to happiness I feel when someone is listening to me in an empathetic way, or I'm happy with a friend. It's more emotionally charged.

Watching a sunset or nature, or going for a swim or a long walk is another kind of happiness. I feel slightly different again.

It's hard to explain really, but I do notice a difference.


Are there in fact different kinds of happiness/satisfaction?

Social happiness?
Experiential happiness?
Object/hobby/task related happiness?
Happiness caused by physical exercise?
Happiness in peaceful solitude?
Happiness as a relief when a danger has passed?


Is it that the brain interprets these kinds of happiness in different ways?

Why are some people happier doing some activities than others?

Perhaps happiness is too vague a word...

Of course. Ultimately, though, happiness is doing or thinking about something that you enjoy, whether or not it brings a smile to your face.

in addition to all that you said, nt's seem to know better than at's when a shallow and superficial interaction is appropriate and when it is not. every aspie i have met that admits to being an aspie seems to not know when light banter, jokes, and friendly insults are appropriate. they also seem to meet every social situation as if it required a deep, meaningful discourse on whatever topic is being discussed. humor seems to be lost on at's too. if they do not take offense first.

but they are fun to watch.

How can you tell if someone's really happy?


For example:

Person A has a beaming smile.

Person B has a neutral expression.


Afterwards you ask A and B if they're happy.
They both say Yes.

Person A replies in a casual way, beaming.

Person B replies in a formal way with intricate metaphors and profound insights, with a slight smile.


So my question.
Who is happier?

The person who internalises the happiness or the person who externalises it?


Is the person who's able to openly expresses happiness mainly non-verbally, happier than the person who expresses happiness mainly verbally?

My mom is "NT". She is not happier than I am.
My RL friend is "NT", she is not happier than I am.
Both are worst off emotionally than I am most of the time, and I'm not very well emotionally most of the time. So you tell me. Bad over-generalization.

One point i would like to raise is that my happiness is not really dependent upon other people at all - except in a practical sense.
Most of my purest happiness and enjoyment comes from my special interests, and i spend all my waking time thinking about or doing them (i do think about and do other things because i HAVE TO) .

I don;t get the same "buzz' out of social stuff another might get. People I know who do not have an ASD and who get together and go bowling or out to dinner or do something social - get an amazing BUZZ out of this kind of thing. I have no interest in doing anything like that.
It is just not fun.

I think the quality of our happiness as people with ASD's depends on a lot of factors and some of it involves either knowing how to, or getting help with constructing a life - wherever possible - that includes special interest, the animals we so often love and adore, the things that spur us on, and a healthy management of those traits and problems that cause us pain (sensory, self-harm, meltdowns and overload etc, not too much external stimuli etc.)

Not sure if this is rhetorical or if you wanted me to answer. Regardless, it's the wrong question to ask, an apples-to-oranges comparison.

If Person A truly feels happy and isn't unconsciously "putting on a good face," then they are happy. If Person B is very happy but just doesn't really express it outwardly, he/she is no less happy than Person A. Now, Person B might think that Person A couldn't really be that happy because they cannot relate to that type of expressive happiness. You have the same issue the other way 'round. Person A cannot relate to Person B who because they are keeping it to themselves. So how can you judge scale of something between people who experience the world very differently?

I think an individual person's happiness is scaled uniquely to them, and it is largely based on how our individual wants and needs are met. How we express it is actually irrelevant.

I think this is really hard for non-spectrum extroverts to understand (whoever that may be) and leads to a lot of the stereotypes of people with AS.

Perhaps you haven't met enough self-identified aspies.

perhaps you are right. i only know three.

I'll let you know what it's like from my perspective. I can do the superficial type of interaction with effort but it's difficult to act that way when I'm not in the mood for it. With the typical circle of NT's it's 90% banter and jokes and 10% meaningful discourse. I'd be happier if it was more like 50/50. There's a certain hunger in me for something more and when I can't get enough of it I'm forced to retreat to the sidelines.

Also, with the light social humor people seem to think I don't get their jokes because I don't smile or laugh. I usually get that something is supposed to be a joke but I just don't find it funny. I tend to find dark/black humor funny, stuff that isn't appropriate in your average social setting. Light corny humor doesn't do anything for me. It know the proper social protocol is to fake a smile or laugh to acknowledge the other person's joke but it's so awkward for me to be fake that it just comes off wrong. I feel this weird kind of internal embarrassment whenever I try to act. It's almost like one part of me is embarrassed by the other part that's trying to fake it. Geez this stuff is hard to explain in words.

Yes. NTs may say that they find it boring and hard going when an Aspie does not respond to their banter, but I find it extremely tiring and frustrating when I simply cannot get an NT person into any kind of discussion because they seem to want virtually nothing but banter - which I'm unable to do even when I've realized that it's what they want. Making small talk is difficult, but I cannot even understand banter. It seems to basically consist, as far as I can see, of turning every single word out of another person's mouth into the weakest, most predictable joke, which others then shriek with laughter at as if it were the most witty and original thing ever conceived.