I need love if I want to live.

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Well said, Zak...

Its that inveterate display of self-valuelessness and lack of self-confidence(and the lack of self-confidence is HUGE) that sends women running for the hills. Being that fountain of pessimism and self-loathing is a turn off for most women, women who want that fun, exciting, and challenging guy in their lives.

The question is how to develop a convincing quality of self-confidence that women won't see as a show. If I try and come off as self-confident, women can see easily that I am "all bark and no bite." If I try and project feelings of optimism and self-worth, it comes off as a facade, and NOTHING I have ever tried to do has been able to disguise my true phoniness as an optimistic and ambitious individual. Like I said earlier, it is like I dance the steps to the dance but I have no rhythm. But I will not quit trying and I won't "settle." I'd rather want something I don't have than have something I don't want.

When women ask me about ME, I am at a loss when trying to come up with positive character qualities about myself or trying to tell them about interesting things going on in my life(there aren't any.) When I try to talk about the redemming things I do offer, I can't help but come off as insecure and marginalize my positive personal traits and activities.

Something tells me that I won't be the one. I have't even read the first post, let alone much of the thread, what do you hate so much?

Having been there and learnt the hard way, I agree totally with you. I'd much rather come home to an empty house and have the entire evening to myself, than come home to someone who can't stand me and have to entertain *their* friends who also can't stand me.

Brusiliov, on another thread you articulately point out how 'shallow' most of our lives as consumers are. Do you thing relationships somehow avoid the evils of consumerism? That people who's lives revolve around possessing a car, job, clothes and house for the status it presents, can somehow escape this thinking when it comes to selecting a partner? Maybe you shouldn't be so sorry that no-one has wanted to add you to their list of status objects yet.

hi i am 13 and doing a paper for school about what teens with little siblings who have autism think i try so hard i just don't know what to do

Hi kendall - this is *almost* a PM, but I'll share here for you. Great idea about your project! And Wrong Planet can be an awesome resource for you. Here's what you can do: Post just what you did here, but begin a NEW thread in General Autism Discussion. I bet you'll get a ton of 'answers' for fill-in your paper (and you'll get an A+)! If you have any questions about how to post a new thread, just let me know - ok? My PM message button is in the bottom of my post.

Good luck, kendall

Glad you enjoyed my paragraph, Greentea. If I knew you were going to my Chick Fil A I would put a nice rose on your table.

No, that is generic amateur psychology bullcrap advice you have read somewhere in a relationship column.

I have loved myself for years and have tried to find love for years, but all i found were a bunch of idiots. Now i dont even bother and havent been on a date since 2006. I rather spend my time doing something fun than to waste money on some unserious "i feel bad and i need attention" girl that wants a free dinner.

Biggest tip, chief: just do what it is you do. Take yourself off the market for a while, because when you don't seem like you're actually looking, you'll appear a bit more desirable; not as much so as an NT does, but you'll seem a tad more, cause you won't look desperate. And at least from my perspective, there's NT desperate and there's AS desperate...I ain' goin' there.

Don't bother going to activities women go to or whatnot..just do your thing. You'll eventually find someone who shares your values, & they'll want to be with you.

When I first started my job, and walked into the area my now-girlfriend was at, she immediately fell in love with me( which, granted, I didn't know 'til the following year). When she confessed this to me later on...my mouth utterly dropped.

I even remember telling her at one point, as she was pretending to set me up so that way she could sell herself to me( yeah, as an Autistic guy, I'm gonna pick up on it). I told her "If you think you can find someone for me, good luck to ya; hasn't happened yet."

I intend to be in that rarity.

Although I would much rather love myself then have someone else love me. I'm really the only person obligated to love me.

Last edited by Social_Fantom on 27 Apr 2009, 6:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Same here; but it also helped for me to leave my home state, and move out west; it seemed out here more women were magnetically drawn to me; I'm not saying a ton, but more.

You're obviously very thoughtful, intelligent, and have interesting ideas to share. I would hazard a guess that your main problem is not AS but your self-loathing and depression (or depressive personality). These are going to be huge turn offs to a lot of mainstream women.

Maybe the obvious solution is to find a woman who is self-loathing and depressed too. That way you would be kindred spirits and could support each other. Are there any support groups for depressed people in your area, have you considered finding an online community for depressed/ depressive people?