The "are you ok?" invaders

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For some reason, men my father's age think it's okay to say things like "Smile, hon!" Aside from my dislike of speaking to/being spoken to by strangers, they always ask LOUDLY! Last time a man walked by me and shouted, "Smile, hon, it can't be that bad!" Without missing a beat, I shouted back in a false-cheery voice, "Thanks! I just found out I can't have children! Now I feel better!" I can't say I cured him, but he turned bright red, stammered an apology and hurried off. I hope it taught him to keep his damn feelings about how young women should smile to himself! (I have no objection to "Are you okay?" or "What's wrong?" but I hate "Smile!" and loathe "hon" with the power of a thousand firey suns.)

Side note, it was not until years later that I discovered I probably can't have children. While this doesn't bother me (I don't want children), people seem to think that a young woman must be longing for a baby. Telling people who are bothering you that you can't is very effective in many situations (including the "But WHY aren't you planning on children?" so often aimed at the childfree).

When I get asked if I'm ok I 'm usually in that mood where I don't want to reveal my true feelings, so of course I lie. I know that people are just looking out for me but communicating my emotions, especially at the moment when I feel paralyzed by them, is just too difficult to do.

Oh I'd love to start shooting back with that. I have never actually heard, "It can't be that bad," however, in this thread I have read it twice and now I'm starting to wonder what it could mean.

In response / in addition to those in this thread who have mentioned using stock answers, like "tired," "a lot on my mind," etc., (they are correct, but not directly related to the blank stare) I have come up with the same thing recently enough. The initial question did make me wonder whether or not I was okay, but now I am familiar with the question enough to have a standard response for it.

Someone also posted that they've been asked, "Are you okay?" over the phone. I get that, too ... in those rare times that I use the phone.

LOL....in those cases, I think the motivation there is pretty obvious. I'm sure most young women find a bit creepy when guys that age pull this kind of crap. I wouldn't be surprised to see one of those "friendly guys" on NBC's "To Catch a Predator". People make all sorts of assumptions about others and I really used to think we'd be over this in the 21st century. Aren't people sophiscated enough by now to realize that not every young women is longing for a baby? I guess there's still people whose brains are trapped in the Leave-it-to-Beaver mentality of the 1950's.

You could tell people that you daydream a lot and if they see you staring into space it means you are quite content and happy and not to worry about you.

thats a good way to do it. Hopefully they will believe you and not think there is something wrong when there is not.

I understand where you are coming from. I never smile unless something provokes happiness from me, and I dislike making eye contact with someone but often force it during conversation. To the people around me, they see me as being upset by something or being anti-social as I don't speak much. But really, I only ever speak unless I have something to say on a given subject, and the lack of expression is because I'm simply in a blank state. If nothing is going on at the time then I feel "nothing" Not to be confused with emptiness/sadness, it's just a lack of emotion really. And it puts a lot of people off, and the inevitable question of "are you alright?" comes around. It's odd explaining it to someone as I don't let people know much about me personally outside of interests when asked.

I think that many people who ask:
"Are you okay?"

Are socially curious about others or genuinely concerned.

A "blank" stare can happen if someone is about to faint or have a seizure.

There have been a few occasions when I have caught the "winter sickness" and was caught out in the supermarket.

One of the assistants asked if I was okay.
She said that I looked very pale.
I said truthfully that I felt very dizzy.
She very kindly got me a glass of water and offered to help me with the shopping.

A blank expression doesn't always mean that someone's going to faint, but when it does, helpful people who ask if you're okay can be lifesavers in public places.

Some people seem to be very intuitive about the physical health of others.
Lots of people are too busy or preoccupied with their own concerns to care.
That's kind of sad.

This is why I tolerate people asking if I'm okay, even though it can seem annoying at times. I'm polite because one day, I might really need someone else's help.

Ok, AmberEyes, your comments help tremendously. I remember someone else posted their experience with a genuine "Are you okay?" question in this thread and there turned out to be something seriously wrong, but now your experience helps me understand a bad-case scenario.

It's just that I never learned, not in school nor from friends nor from family, that these are things we are supposed to think about. I feel pretty left out that we're supposed to know what a blank stare could mean (fainting, seizure, stroke) and I just never realized people think about this when they ask if someone is okay. Still, it's difficult to grasp that people care so much about strangers.

It's one thing to be asked and another to have it assumed that you're not even if you say yes. My police experience isn't uncommon. And once people call the cops, they can do bad things to you if they don't understand. When I tried to go to university the disabled student center urged all disabled people to get medic alert bracelets because the cops kept arresting people for presumed intoxication. A friend of mine spent the night in a drunk tank because he was sitting on a bench and for some reason the cop thought he was drunk. Deaf, autistic, and otherwise cognitively or mentally disabled people have been brutalized or shot for not being able to obey spoken commands (and sign language has been mistaken for gang sign). I've had several stays in psych institutions started off by taking a walk. And in most of these scenarios even saying "yes" to "are you okay?" has little to no effect. But that's why I fear the question. Not because people don't mean well but because when they don't believe me, they can set me up for a dangerous interaction. And that's only when I can communicate an answer.

There was this annoying older guy who was always jibing at me whenever I was thinking, concentrated or otherwise happened to get a serious look on my face, saying 'You forgot to smile'. Pissed me off no end.

He was also fond of inappropriate jokes that were directed AT PEOPLE. He once said to me 'I shall touch you when no one is around'. My female friend had to talk me out of a dangerous rage, I was on the verge of attacking him with a scalpel. Seriously, morbid or rude jokes that are aimed at no one in particular are one thing, threatening sexual assault even in jest is quite another.

Sorry for the tangent there...

Personally, I find "Just fine, thanks" seems to do the job.

You could also add 'Fine thanks, just thinking!' or 'Fine thanks, I was daydreaming' so they know the blank or zoned out look was for a harmless reason.

Yes. agreed that is gets annoying. BUT - it is actually a case of people trying to be kind and considerate. I try to remember this fact, and that makes me feel better about people. I know it is hard, and in my case, my sense of personal space, my facial expressions (active, odd and completely OUT THERE at times - I do not have FLAT AFFECT and not everyone on the spectrum does...) make it hard for people to read me and do not match my internal states - which I do not even know half the time. People can sit two feet away from me and it can feel like they have opened up my chest, placed their hand inside the cavity and twisted at my heart and lungs,) or a tapping and guiding hand - as happened at mass yesterday when I got overwhelmed in the line and wasn't moving fast enough for a rather strapping old farmer in my path - can feel like a complete assault that is unbearable. My sensory responses and reactions and my understanding of these situations are slightly different from many others.

Such is life. I am learning that people do not mean intentional harm in many of these instances. They are just acting and responding in ways that are rather strange and uncomfortable to me.

"Are you ok?"
'No, I just realized that everything in the Universe is doomed to a cold, quiet, death after an eternity of gently falling apart. That all worldlines will terminate in a timelike singularity with a near infinite spatial extent. That every thought or action you or I will ever take will both be eternally preserved in the structure of 4-D spacetime, and yet it will ultimately contribute little to the maximally entropic state of the distant future. So I've been sitting here trying to remember the structure of the matter composing this wall, in an attempt to fight off entropy.'
"Uh... ok."

^

I used to get asked quite often if I was ok. It didn't really bother me, apart from breaking my train of thought, but it puzzled me. Then I realised that when I'm happy, I wander around with either a blank expression or a slight frown on my face. I've learned that "I'm ok, I was just lost in thought" with a brief smile is enough to reassure concerned people.