Aspies are normal too!

Post Reply New Topic

Is Johnny (or Janey) normal? topic

I have and display many characteristics that many consider abnormal, even here at WP. So I am one Aspie who is not "normal." I do not "fit" and am non-social. I have been told to snap out of it and become "normal" by not-so-polite NTs. I find this hurtful and when I protest, I am blamed for choosing to be this way.

I used to wish many years ago that I was part of the crowd, so I could disappear within it. But disappearing is not "normal" either, according to NTs.

For many here at WP, and beyond, the individual self is a world of its own. This is the best mode of existence for me.

That is tacky and rude and dismissive by these so-called NTs. They are showing deficiencies in social skills! (How's that for 'turnabout is fair play'? )

And even though we might talk about a range or spectrum of human behavior/sensory input/capacities/whatever, and that 'normal' is, what, the middle part of a bell-shaped graph?

All the same, the way 'normal' is used by many psychologists and so-called counselors is as a synonym for 'good' or 'desirable.' It should not be that way. But it often is.

----------

Normal is a town in Kansas!

What's so great about being normal anyway?

This is it. What is so great about being normal? I wouldn't care if I was normal or not if it weren't for NTs being so misunderstanding. But it's the way the human race works. When you don't come across as ''normal'', you will never fit in properly, and that is such a big shame, because humans are social creatures, and if you can't be social like them, you stand out. (Doesn't necessarily mean you're not normal, but according to NTs you're not normal because they don't give you a chance, not matter how ''normal'' I feel).

When you walk in the street, everyone is behaving normal, and if you decide not to behave normal, you will get looked at like it's a bad thing. So it's not really me who decides whether we're normal or not, it's today's stupid society and how NTs make it.

I guess I never will know what the hell I'm on about, but I have good days and bad days, and when I have the good days I feel confident and feel normal and happy, and when I have my bad days I feel all irritable and self-conscious and start looking at everything in a negative way. Most of the time I'm having good days - and I'm not even on any tablets or anything, so there must be some will power in me which is making me feel good and happy about myself.

Sometimes, though, I think that being ''normal'' can depend on how nice or horrible people are. That is probably what the word ''normal'' means most of the time. My cousin is with a control-freak, who doesn't let her see her family at all, and he is a big convincing liar, and cries when a man approaches him but is not scared of women or children, and he gets my cousin into debt, and he was even with her since she was 15, (she's 21 now), and he's still on the internet now looking for teenage school girls. He is discusting, and we all say he isn't normal because he's such a horrible person to be with. Would you describe him as normal, just because he's NT? I think he's a discusting pervert, and if people knew that, he would never fit in with normal people.

So, I know it might be irrelevent to how I was describing ''normal'' earlier, but I think I get it now. Saying Aspies aren't normal is like saying people with a different religeon aren't normal. My family all say that people who are evil and nasty to people aren't normal, because they seriously don't know how to behave in this world.

I suppose I'll get more arguments against this post again, but I just think that this is how a lot of people describe the word ''normal''. If you don't agree with me on this one, say so. Because I need to know when I will actually get to know what the word ''normal'' means. I think I know now.

I have learned that no one truly feels normal.

Your cousin's boyfriend does not seem normal, but normal people are not pure of heart, they act selfishly and have disgusting perversions and allot are very convincing liars. A saint is no more normal than the devil.

Normal people look and the world and see boundaries. how often you can lie to others before its starts to define you, how childish you can be, how much you can demand, how much you must give up. There are a million different scales to be measured on, most of which have nothing to do with morality

I see normal like this:


The dot in the very centre is normal, with millions of people huddled around it. No one is normal because there is only the one point, too small to stand on. The circle is what you have to fit within for society to consider you 'normal'. Just because you are outside the circle, does not say anything specific about you other than you are far from normal. You can be very far away from your cousin's boyfriend, you can be his direct opposite, but that does not mean you are any closer to normal.

How this relates back to AS, is that it makes the edges of the circle and the normal dot invisible, even some of the scales make no sense. Most of the time we end up outside the circle because we don't know how to get there, or why we would even want to be there.

You could spend a lifetime trying to find your way back to the dot, or even the inside of the circle and never find them. Better to ignore them all together and work toward what you want to be.

That's a very good way of putting it. Yay for diagrams! And look at how much more space there is far away from that central dot than close to it...

Not to mention that there are hundreds and hundreds more axes that can't be fit into the diagram.

BTW--Joe, no, it isn't normal to be a pedophile (ephebephile? Hmm... well, a creepy guy who goes after teenage schoolgirls, anyway). Most people aren't pedophiles; therefore it's not normal. But remember that it's also not normal to be an unusually fast runner, an unusually good painter, or an unusually altruistic, compassionate person. Though it usually has a good connotation, the word "normal" should not be used as a synonym for the word "acceptable".

And if it makes you feel better, I was having tantrums when I was 17... and still have them, though now I know better than to have them in public (i.e., can predict them well enough to get out of the way before all hell breaks loose).

That is classic for an abusive relationship. He is isolating her from her family. Not cool, not cool at all. (this in addition to pursuing underage girls. the guy sounds like a real piece of work)

Probably just the very simple things. In positive, affirming, straightforward statements, let your cousin know that she is a worthwhile person. With matter-of-fact politeness, keep inviting her to events, even if she doesn't go to them. With just human decency, keep the bridges there. And none of this out of misplaced obligation, but rather with sense of possibility and open fields.

I feel normal...I eat, breath, sleep, and have the same body parts and functions as any other person and I am law abiding.

ATYPICAL!!

Is the word ''abnormal'' the same as ''weird''? If so then I do feel very upset.

Yes and no. Of course not; the word "abnormal" is three syllables and sounds formal, whereas the word weird does not.

I don't have a dictionary on hand to look up the meaning of "weird" to tell for sure, but I'm pretty sure neither needs to mean something negative, but both often are used that way by typicalists.

Well, I may be an Aspie but I can express my feelings to other people, and I can read body language and facial expressions, so I think I can get away with being in the NT world. The only Aspie symptoms I have are extremely high anxiety, fear of loud noise, and maybe a few social difficulties - but to NTs I just come across as generally shy, and a generally anxious person. The fear of loud noise doesn't really notice because my NT colleague hates loud noise too (believe it or not!)

So that's why I don't like being called ''abnormal'' and ''weird'', because I feel more able to live more in the NT world than in the Aspie world, even though I still feel frightened and lost - but then again, if I worked and lived with Aspies I would still probably feel frightened and lost. So I don't like to be known as weird because being the only Aspie in the family and at work (and all through school life), you start automatically believing and thinking like NTs.

So that is why I find it mighty offensive to be known as weird.

I find that fascinating. I am currently living with my chronically ill grandmother and my aunt/her carer seems to leave all the caring stuff up to me when I'm at home. If not for my counselor and a friend who ended up having to care for his grandmother talking to me about this I would have not realized that I don't need to be here. There is someone out there who is supposed to be the real carer but found a way to get out of it. As I am not yet diagnosed and I seem to be "fine" no one is realizing that I may not be suitable as a carer on many levels. Perhaps you are maternal in some way or they know you do a good job of it.