Question for the self-diagnosed.

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sorry - got carried away and edited last post after you posted

social anxiety/phobia is common but not necessarily a feature - especially amongst children - there are many who actively want social contact but their approaches to peers are simply inappropriate because they don't know how to do it appropriately. There are some who could never speak to a group of friends without panicking and others, like my son, who are in their element presenting some research to a hall of students (my son doesn't see faces and so has no connection with the audience, therefore they create no anxiety for him and, as he is whacky and charming, the verbal feedback he gets is usually supportive).

I like dashes too!

I've got yet another question if that's ok (since we're now talking about different AS traits)? Is it an AS trait to not really be able to control your emotions? I don't really show my feelings (except for showing them to my boyfriend) and I find it hard to express them. Both verbally and physically showing the expressions (at least when it comes to feelings such as joy and thankfulness etc). I've always felt like I've got too much emotion. They don't drastically change between happy and sad etc, but I often feel like I feel too much and I don't really know how to handle it. I also have a hard time identifying my emotions. I know they're often negative but I'm never really sure if it's anxiety, depression or something else.

Sorry if it's a bit off topic.

that's AS but can also be seen in other conditions - downs kids can show similar traits

Some people don't recognise their emotions properly or have some processing delay, particularly with the more subtle ones, and when they do feel them they tend to come on suddenly with little warning, sort of flooding the system in a way that is difficult to manage - I think this may be why meltdowns are so hard to control, if you are suddenly flooded with fear or anger or grief or even some of the more positive emotions you set off adrenaline and hormonal reactions that immediately throw your mind and body off balance.

I probably have some difficulty in showing my emotions, but most people can figure me out. I am a fairly talkative person in real life (and by the looks of my post count, online too! ) and so when this stops, people always ask me what's wrong. The thing is though, no one can tell if I am just a little off at that moment or so sad I am thinking of ending my life. I also have had times when I felt happy and people thought I was sad. Likewise, I don't always know how to label emotions and know how bad off I am when depressed. Sometimes I will confuse depression and anxiety, for example. I also tend to think my emotions are a bit stronger than normal as I seem to get overly emotional in some situations that most people seem to handle better. Yet at other times, I feel nothing when I know I should feel something strong and intense. It may be that the years upon years of depression have blunted my emotions and that it has nothing to do with autism, or it may be that I have always been this way and don't realize it or want to admit it to myself.

another female trait not seen so much in men - smiling. It puts others at ease and makes them feel demands are not being made of them. We learn very young that we get more favourable responses if we smile but don't really get into the more subtle expressions too easily so when we're trying to express something we feel is difficult we can smile inappropriately because we are simultaneously trying to not make such a big deal and trying to reassure ourselves and others that we aren't making emotional demands when really we need to - sort of apologetic in form - the smile is all we have to do it with. For many women on the spectrum, and a few men, it is the default expression - it helps us hide from unwanted scrutiny and having to explain our emotional state when we often don't really know what that is. It's very useful if you want to blend into the background - one look and everyone can see you're "ok". It becomes a habit and, like all habits, it is not always appropriate.