Ever been told you're ugly?

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bumble
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18 Sep 2012, 8:20 am

nessa238 wrote:

bumble wrote:

Yes

I have a squint so look kind of frowny even when I'm in a good mood so people think I am miserable as well, even when I'm not.

I am not fortunate enough to be attractive to men, which I find frustrating as I have a high sex drive so I spend half of my life feeling frustrated. That does make me grumpy.

I seem able to get sex if I want it but I don't think this is a very reliable indicator of attractiveness.

How do you manage to get sex? I have a terrible time attracting men and cannot read the signals either unless they are very obvious so that complicates things.

I have tried internet dating sites but to no avail. I attract a lot of men who contact me in text speak and (ok maybe I am being too fussy) but I just don't find it attractive so seem to get nowhere.

How R U 2day just does not ding my bell for some reason.

nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 8:29 am

bumble wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

bumble wrote:

I seem able to get sex if I want it but I don't think this is a very reliable indicator of attractiveness.

Internet dating sites. I don't tend to go on dates, In the past I've asked them to my house and sex will usually occur at some point. Actual dates are less likely to result in sex and far more stressful so little point imo. I'm not doing this currently though as I've had enough of people and a lot of the people I see on dating sites these days look like wife beaters to me!

I have had boyfriends result from dates/meetups outside the house and met longest term bf when I started a job in a pub in 1980s but I think I've lost my nerve for it all as I've got older as society is just too judgmental these days and I can't deal with having people stare at me or see people laughing at/talking about me while I sit in a pub with some prospective date and try and pretend to be relaxed and enjoying myself. And that's before we even get onto what the hell we're meant to talk about! I've never understood how anyone can have an indepth conversation in a room surrounded by complete strangers where there's no guarantee that any of them won't be obnoxious towards you and with the likelihood that the date will have even read a book in the last 10 years being minimal!

How on earth can you act natural when people around you are making you feel so out of place?

Last edited by nessa238 on 18 Sep 2012, 8:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

bumble
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18 Sep 2012, 8:40 am

nessa238 wrote:

bumble wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

bumble wrote:

I seem able to get sex if I want it but I don't think this is a very reliable indicator of attractiveness.

Internet dating sites. I don't tend to go on dates, In the past I've asked them to my house and sex will usually occur at some point. Actual dates are less likely to result in sex and far more stressful so little point imo. I'm not doing this currently though as I've had enough of people and a lot of the people I see on dating sites these days look like wife beaters to me!

I have had boyfriends result from dates/meetups outside the house and met longest term bf when I started a job in a pub in 1980s but I think I've lost my nerve for it all as I've got older as society is just too judgmental these days and I can't deal with having people stare at me or see people laughing at/talking about me while I sit in a pub with some prospective date and try and pretend to be relaxed and enjoying myself. And that's before we've even got onto what the hell we're meant to talk about. I've never understood how anyone can have an indepth conversation in a room surrounded by complete strangers and where there's no guarantee that any of them won't be obnoxious towards you and with the likelihood that they've even read a book in the last 10 years being minimal!

How on earth can you act natural when people around you are making you feel so out of place?

I agree with you about society being so judgmental and yes it is hard to be yourself when people are making you feel out of place, usually because they have a lot of trouble accepting difference and end up taking their issues and ignorance out on you.

I can have trouble hearing what people are saying in a pub as I usually cannot hear them over the background noise so I just smile and nod a lot and hope I put the smiles and nods in the right places! Occasionally all hell breaks loose because I get it wrong!

I just wish society would let people be individuals. I have no desire to follow trends or be a clone. It's hard work being something you are not and it feels fake, as though I am lying.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Plus the only time I will follow a trend is if I genuinely like it, otherwise I am not interested, regardless of how many other people are doing it.

nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 9:01 am

bumble wrote:

I have trouble following the conversation thread as I will be more focused on monitoring the environment for signs of threat/negativity off other people, so the other person will probably think I'm being bad mannered/bored or something.

I have nothing in common with the average person either so it's not often possible to have an interesting conversation with them apart from perhaps if they had an interesting job say so I would then ask them lots of questions about it so I at least learned some new information.
I have my own ideology and most people have the one society/the media hands them so their brain won't be able to cope with the type of stuff I'd want to talk about as it's often at the meta/below surface level.

And as for trends - I wouldn't even know what the latest trends were anyway, let alone be able to wear them.

I've noticed a lot of women are wearing these tight black leggings, no matter how fat or skinny their legs are, showing the ridiculousness of following a trend regardless of whether you have the figure for it!

I hate the text speak as well and anyone who calls me 'babe' or who uses multiple 'xxxxx's
- all clear indicators of people I will have nothing in common with.

bumble
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18 Sep 2012, 9:16 am

nessa238 wrote:

bumble wrote:

Yes I have my own philosophy as well and find it difficult to find people I connect with or have something in common with. Most people cannot deal with the way I think as they are socially conditioned to think in a very different way.

I also do not know what the latest trends are...although I can remember a few from the 80's!

I still have clothes that are 20 years old and would still wear them if they still fitted. Unfortunately they don't (I was a lot thinner as a teenager). Clothes should always flatter although I admit that much of the time (when at home or just out and about on casual endeavours) I prefer practical or comfortable to dressed up. I reserve dressed up for special nights out especially as I hate the feeling of make up on my face. Neither can I walk well in high heels, unless I want to fall over that is!

Not what most men want in a girl!

Edited to add that the only way I am good at being female is the fact that I am downright obsessed with cross stitching although my collection (which consists of nearly a 100 kits, lots of supplies and over 3 years worth of magazines, books and charts) tends to annoy people. They think I overdo it a bit and I disagree!

Kindertotenlieder79
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18 Sep 2012, 4:56 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

I even had a girl who was bigger than a beach whale make fun of my appearance once in school. :lol:

A 300 lb pit-faced diva I met in college encouraged me to workout at a gym and do something about my complexion, so I could have more confidence, cause quiet people like myself have no self-esteem y'know :roll:

. I tells you what, ain't nothing like spending a weekend at a Theatre competition with a bunch of shallow wanna-be actors.

Kindertotenlieder79
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18 Sep 2012, 5:07 pm

nessa238 wrote:

I'm on anti-depressants myself and need to be on them all the time as whenever I come off them I eventually go downhill and end up very depressed. I put this depression almost totally down to the way society treats me for being too different. Perhaps in the past people like me would just have killed themself but with the wonders of modern science I get to battle on lol
- I sometimes wonder if this is a good thing though as it's still an almighty struggle as the way people have treated me - often complete strangers, has made me really hate people at times and I just prefer to avoid most of them full stop.

My struggles with people have sidetracked my life to the point where I barely feel alive anymore. I tried Prozac several times, it just made me zone out and gain 30 lbs. Right now I'm taking a testosterone booster, it's having some positive effects, mostly in the physical department. I'm hoping that with a better diet my cognitive functions and mood swings will show improvement.

nessa238 wrote:

Unless a person is different enough to engender negative reactions off others on a regular basis the average person has no idea how cruel people can be. They live in ignorant bliss and no amount of trying to inform them what people are like will make any difference as they aren't experiencing it for themself. It's like living in a parallel universe.

The wild thing is normal people hurt each other too, and when they get hurt, it's ok for them to b***h about it! Other people listen, sometimes give advice and comfort, and everything is better. If I b***h, I'm being "too petty" or "too sensitive" or people just don't wanna listen to me complain. I think what we need, more than anti-depressants or suppliments, is a course on how to b***h the right way. :lol:

Kindertotenlieder79
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18 Sep 2012, 5:16 pm

bumble wrote:

I am not fortunate enough to be attractive to men, in part because I am not physically pretty but also because I have an odd personality and am not a normal kind of chick. I find my lack of attractiveness frustrating as I have a high sex drive so I spend half of my life feeling frustrated. That does make me grumpy.

You look fabulous in your photo, you have a cool arty-vibe to you. You mentioned men don't find you attractive, do a lot of women hit on you?

nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 5:28 pm

Kindertotenlieder79 wrote:

nessa238 wrote:

Testosterone is a good idea as it dampens down emotion apparently.

nominalist
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18 Sep 2012, 5:57 pm

People are often seen as unattractive based on their behavior. Even relatively unattractive people can, by using their social skills, make themselves look better to others.

Since Autists usually have some social issues, they sometimes appear to be physically unattractive.

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XFilesGeek
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18 Sep 2012, 6:17 pm

"Yeti" and "Bigfoot" were common nicknames for me in high school. :roll:

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Eloa
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18 Sep 2012, 6:26 pm

I got mainly ignored at all, which I did not mind at all.
I get called "weird", "alien","odd", "unable", but never "ugly".

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bumble
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18 Sep 2012, 7:59 pm

nominalist wrote:

I find social awkwardness endearing and sexy in a way...but then I understand it because I am not so good at socialising myself.

I know that it can often mask a wonderfully interesting personality, a fascinating way of thinking and/or a high level of intelligence. Most people, however, see it as making the person stupid, boring, defective or backwards. They are a bit on the ignorant side and for that reason I tend to find NT social behaviour less attractive than that of an aspie.

Most aspie behaviour I get. Many NT habits annoy and confuse me.

bumble
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18 Sep 2012, 8:05 pm

Kindertotenlieder79 wrote:

bumble wrote:

You look fabulous in your photo, you have a cool arty-vibe to you. You mentioned men don't find you attractive, do a lot of women hit on you?

Not many women hit on me, no.

It was a flattering photo day! Or rather a still I cut of myself from a brief webcam movie I shot whilst posing lol.

nessa238
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18 Sep 2012, 8:07 pm

bumble wrote:

nominalist wrote:

I like a mixture of social awkwardness and wit

Too much NTness is intimidating

VMSmith
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19 Sep 2012, 4:33 am

i get called ugly a lot, or i used to in highschool anyway. now people say im cute but i dont believe them. half the time its just because i dont and the other half it's because the person saying it is creepy.

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