Why don't people with aspergers look people in the eye?

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^^^This makes sense to me. This is the feeling I get if I accidentally meet someones eyes, I get freaked and immediately look down without even thinking about it. Afterwards, I feel bad because I think I seemed unfriendly, but I didn't mean to.

Last edited by Marybird on 31 Dec 2012, 12:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

that is really interesting. thank you for posing that ^-^

Have you played with magnets as a kid?

Magnets have poles, you know - opposite poles attract, while same poles repel each other. You can't put them together no matter how hard you try.

Aspie looking into the eyes is something similar - it's like trying to approach two same magnetic poles. The urge to avert your eyes is irresistible.

For me it's uncomfortable, some people have really scary eyes. I usually give them a short glance and then look over their shoulder, nose or anywhere near the eyes. This gives the person the idea you're paying attention and are interested in him or her.

There are a number of reasons that I avoid and cannot maintain eye contact.

1. The most prevalent being that if I maintain eye contact too long I will become extremely uncomfortable, feel a crushing sensation(panic?) and find myself tearing up! This is obviously going to be very uncomfortable for both parties so it is better to just not hold eye contact for very long if at all.

2. The issue with eyes are that they are distracting. If I am holding a conversation with someone and I take notice of their eyes I will often forget what I was saying, doing or trying to achieve. Eyes hold so many cues, colors, shapes, sizes, and details that I will often find myself thinking about the eye, taking in data about the eyes instead of simply talking about the subject that was in discussion. It's rather troublesome to try and talk and take in details.

3. Finally, eye contact is intimate for me. While I have trouble reading intent behind eyes it seems like others can read mine quite clearly! I'm not always ok with that.

As Oisin has mentioned above me I also have developed a number of tactics to get around the whole eye contact issue but I only use them when I absolutely have to.

Hm, I don't really know why but for some reason I've never have had any problems when giving eye contact....it's probably because I sometimes enjoy looking at people, but to me it seems quite weird really. Even though it's natural for a human to always give some sort of eye contact towards people during conversations I always find it quite unnatural, ah maybe it's just because I have different reasons of why I make eye contact with NTs/My peers. Did I mention that it always happens to me when listening to music? I always make it like I HAVE to make eye contact with the celebs on the clips. It just makes me more focused on who's singing which part and getting to know the way they look...o_____o it's just sooooo weird. Does anyone else usually find it ok? or is it just me? I feel as if I'm so unusual if I don't find it uncomfortable...sorry if this is so out of subject. I am rambling on quite alot aren't I?

Sorry..

I agree with this. Some people have really scary eyes, some people have eyes that are easier to look at, but even then, it feels to intimate.

I really don't know.

I can remember back when i was little my mum used to tell me off all the time for it and say stop being rude when someone is talking to you look at them

I really like that possible explanation, it actually makes sense for me.
I'm unable to maintain eye contact though I keep on trying, but mostly like Oisin I give them a short glance and then look a bit everywhere. I don't know if they notice my disability or if my technique works but whatever, I do what makes me more at ease !

I just put up a poll about this topic. I look people in the eye but if there is strong emotion I can't sustain eye contact. I feel like if I hold their gaze I'll 'let their feelings get into me' more than if I don't. Does that make sense? I can block some of others' emotions if I don't look at them.

I am not very good at Multi-tasking and 'eye contact'.

There is a lot more going on in an exchange with someone than just 'they speak' now 'you speak'.
It involves a lot of skill and concentration and for most of us aspies communication is not our strongest point, especially while doing it with the added pressure and stress of making 'eye contact'.

Here's what typically goes through my head during a conversation with someone.

Audio
Language/Speech
Listening to what someone is saying above background noise, tv, music, shopping-mall, chatter
- Emphasis of a specific word, pitch changes, tone or volume adjustments.
- Was it funny? were they being serious? were they being sarcastic? was it a statement? are they being aggressive? are they being friendly? did they just insult me? did they pay me a compliment? are they flirting with me?

Visual
- Reading their overall body language and hand gestures
- Deciphering their eye movements and facial expressions
- Am I staring? are they staring at my pimple? did I miss something? one of their eyes is slightly different coloured!

Psychological
- Is there a hidden meaning? am I boring them? are they lying? are they going to hug me? do they like me? did I miss a subtle cue? is he going to cry? can he really see into my soul? did he just look at my package...is he gay?

Oh damn a hot chic just walked past and broke my concentration.
I'll do what I usually do, just nod and smile

I always stare directly at other peoples eyes, 100% of the time when talking to them.

I remember coming across this aspie with cerebal palsy and tourettes, and he just hated it! He would be looking every which direction while talking to me, and I'd just hold a piercing glare.

I've also met autists who do the same as me. Hardly even blink.

I like to give free hugs to my fellow sisterhood of those diagnosed with AS as often as possible. Males too of course. They can't stand it haha.

Yes! I love doing this I can sometimes get people to freeze up or their mouth drops open. But when I'm not trying to drill my gaze its just uncomfortable.

I can to but then sometimes they become afraid me other then that make my brain feel uncomfortable.

For one part, this is the case, the other thing is that I just feel uncomfortable doing so. I have the urge to break eye contact when I try to make some and usually do so. I sometimes try to keep the eye contact but apparently that is seen as creepy (e.g.: "Uh, you stare at me, is there a reason why?").
See this quote:

I once tried to observe my behaviour, this seems to be one of the things that happens, if I force myself to keep eye contact.
I have a method how to fake eye contact though and for that I usually stare onto the nose and/or the spot between the eyebrows. Even my debugger/psychologist thought I was keeping eye contact with her at first. I think this was one of the reasons she was confused an aspie that keeps eye contact, she even mentioned that to me once and I explained her my trick. I also try to not focus on what I see but try to shift my attention to the said things.

There's normally so much emotion in them, and some Aspies find these emotions difficult to processes.