Is it wrong to be verbose? Chased off another forum board...

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Joined: 5 Jan 2013
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18 Feb 2013, 2:00 pm

This whole topic is TLDR as the whole thing could of been put into one sentence

"I write really long monologue posts and people did not like that so can I has sympathy?"

But I read everything on my breaks at work cause I was bored and I don't think I retained anything you typed.

Your still acting as if your the victim here and as if the whole world should change because they don't agree with your writing style.

And as in not flowing...i meant a natural flow...and yes my writing style is crap but at least I try to make straight to the point.

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InThisTogether
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18 Feb 2013, 2:05 pm

bumble wrote:

InThisTogether wrote:

bumble wrote:

I have made an official complaint regarding their attitude and responses to the Forum Owner and I will also make a complaint to the Site Owners if I am able to do so.

I have highlighted why I feel their behaviours to be harmful by copying and pasting the post I made above.

I have also pointed out that I live an isolated life, have little human contact (for various reasons...I am on disability and have physical health problems as well as social ones) am housebound much of the time and that I find being accused of 'attention seeking' when I attempt to reach out for social contact and support most distressing.

I doubt they will give me an apology (which is what I would like) but at least I feel better for having made a formal complaint through official channels.

That is good, but in the long run the only way any of it will be worth anything is if you learn something from your experience that you can take with you to prevent you from finding yourself in a similar situation in the future. People on forums are in no way obligated to provide you with support. But my experience has been that there are more than enough people who are willing to do so. You just have to make sure you allow them to. That might take some work on your part.

Good luck to you.

Not when they are offering me support for symptoms I don't have....

Case in point:

I posted my video of George (see above lol). I got this response from someone who had been reading the threads the arguments broke out on...

"Do you have a little? I noticed George, and your attachment and friendship with him. He helps a lot, doesn't he? He understands when no one else seems able to or even willing."

-----------------------------

Firstly that is partronising and a bit offensive to me.

Secondly it was a light hearted video I filmed that merely entertained me to do so. I was being silly.

Thirdly George is a stuffed penguin that a close friend sent to me because he knew that I wanted to start collecting them after I saw the 'Criminal Penguins clip' on youtube from the David Attenborough Frozen planet documentary (I love David Attenboroughs stuff and I also love my various collections

). George cannot understand anything...he is an inanimate object for crying out loud.

And last but not least...George does not talk back to me and I only have ONE personalty..although it is rather a complex quirky one that is multidimensional and tends to confuse most people. I just have an over active imagination and like to do things in a slightly unorthodox manner sometimes. Its more fun. As I once said to my family when they asked me if I could be more normal please..."normal is boring". I also started school early as I was considered to be exceptionally bright and was referred to as extremely intelligent by my collages. I get a lot of A grades, even at University level study. People don't need to speak to me like I am backwards....I am, in some cases, probably smarter than they are.

Just because I get flustered, stressed and fail to remain emotionally calm when I feel am under attack by a group of individuals who are assassinating my character on a public forum board because they don't like my opinions or posting style that does not mean I have lost all of my marbles. Thank you!

(For those who do not know what a 'little' is (and I had to look this up myself) it is an alternate personality found in people with MPD (multiple personality disorder) and is often a very young (child).

---------------------------

I am getting similar comments about other things from people in the thread. For example....

I have had emails telling me not to commit suicide and that they have great compassion for me and care. All very sweet but I said I was upset...not suicidal.

I have been called a troll, an attention seeker, accused of needing medication for OCD (when in reality I was more just stressed out about their attack and was trying to work things out of my system so that I could let it go and get on with something else) and have had various other insults thrown at me, obvious or otherwise.

--------------------------

Talk about an over exaggeration. It is getting ridiculous.

The only support I need is to log off that site and get on with studying for my degree (I am doing a BSc in the Natural sciences with either a biology or earth sciences pathway...I have not decided yet, but at the moment am studying genetics and microbes).

Its a circus show on there. I have never seen anything quite so ridiculous in my life. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

What I should do is go study!

I am even verbose when it comes to that...at first anyway. Simply because a lot of the understanding I have of the material is not in words in my head. It is either in pictures or it is just a sense of understanding...an intuition so to speak. In order to communicate non verbal ideas to people I have to find the right words...

This is another part of my process, so at first I will write down everything that is in my head before making it more concise later when I have found all of the words I need and my overall conclusions have been reached.

Some of my ideas also require verbosity because there are a lot of complex relationships or factors that all interact together. I do not need words myself to understand those relationships, but I do need to find the words when explaining them so that other people can understand them too.

See, this is the problem. Instead of just taking my post for what it is, and responding with something like "Yeah, I see what you mean. Time to cut my losses and move forward," you respond with a shockingly and nearly obnoxiously long explanation as to why my brief feedback to you is totally inaccurate. I have to be honest, I am a very patient person by nature, but this is wearing even me thin. And I understand about atypical wiring. These people do not.

If you want to be successful in communicating your point, the first thing I think you should work on (my personal opinion only) is trying to figure out the difference between posts that require lengthy monologues as responses and those that don't. My above feedback required no more than 2-3 sentences. I did not comment in any way on any thing that anyone in that forum said or did. I commented on you. Yet your response included nothing about what you learned from this situation and barely related, lengthy commentaries about people who I wasn't not even talking about.

Do you see how this gets you into trouble?

Even here when I am not telling you to take medications or see a therapist, you refute (or earlier flat out ignore) my feedback. Can you see that perhaps you have a problem receiving feedback you do not want to hear?

I hope that you can sit with this and try to find ways to modify your approach to others. Otherwise, I am starting to feel like I have taken up a whole bunch of my limited time and poured it into someone who refuses to even attempt to see things from another perspective. If it helps you learn something, then I'm happy to have helped. If not, then I hope you can at least try to understand how frustrating it is for other people.

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bumble
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18 Feb 2013, 2:08 pm

But you are implying I won't accept help (when in fact when the help is useful to me I will) or that I should accept help that is of no use to me.

I am not going to do that, it would be a ridiculously stupid thing to do.

It is not my problem if you cannot cope with someone disagreeing with you. You made assumptions about me in your reply that were incorrect, I merely corrected you.

Next time try a reply based on fact instead of your incorrect assumptions about somebody. If you want to accept help from people who are clearly bullying you and trying to humiliate you in public (look at the examples I gave) then it would be very foolish of you.

I have accepted help many times in the past, but not the type of help they are offering. They do not wish to help me, they are trying to mock me. Spot the difference between genuine help and those who are trying to mislead you. And even if there are a few of them who have just been suckered in by the main ring leaders and are being genuine I am under no obligation to sit there and say 'thank you for the compassion for the suicidal intention I am not really experiencing but as I am told I have to just sit here and accept help from you for symptoms I am not getting I see what you mean and thank you".

If I were to just say thank you or I see what you mean the person would go away believing they were right and would continue thinking I was suicidal. That is almost the same as lying as I am misleading someone by not telling them the truth. It would cause confusion.

I find your reply to my reply to you offensive and unnecessary. I was trying to explain this particular situation to you and you have replied with some kind of one shoe fits all over generalised response that is not applicable in this instance whilst implying I am obnoxious because I had the audacity to not just sit there and kiss your arse and tell you how right you are. Get your ego checked! I have no problem with you leaving my thread and not returning to waste any more of your time. I did not ask for your time in particular in the first place. I do not even know who you are.

Im sorry but this time your advice was of no use to me in this instance and whilst I see what you mean, what you mean does not apply on this occasion. Either come back with something useful and less offensive (without the personal attack on my character) or leave me alone.

Last edited by bumble on 18 Feb 2013, 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MjrMajorMajor
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18 Feb 2013, 2:21 pm

Try this one. Read the responses. Walk away and focus on something else. Come back and reread. Then reply. It's not an attack on your integrity or your intelligence at all, it's about tweaking your perception. I think there have been some valid points that you should just let sit and stew a bit instead of worrying about being right or wrong.

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18 Feb 2013, 2:30 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

You do know these people on that forum board have been following me around and harassing me for years don't you?
Actually I may not have stipulated that. The boards are related to a long running interest. They tend to frequent the same boards related to that interest. They have destroyed my reputation on all of them by copying and pasting my posts, taking them out of context, twisting them, posting libelous comments, assassinating my character even if I start a thread on a light hearted topic, started entire threads flaming me on flame groups they run, mocked me, harassed me even in my blogs etc and even threatening to report me as a fake so I lose my disability payments (which I need as I am genuinely unable to work at the present time due to health issues). They have tried to find out my address and so on.

The same group and their cronies.

All the boards I have been chased off are the ones THEY frequent.

Bullies don't give out genuine advice. Their aim is never to help you.

I tried gently explaining it to them, I have been trying for 10 years on and off, but every time I find myself on a site they are on it is the same old s**t.

Last week a close friend helped and I just said 'thank you...you touch my heart and soul in precious ways, you are adorable"

But then he didn't say anything offensive or critical because I didn't agree with him last Wednesday or something. He just accepted we didn't agree on that occasion.

I was again merely trying to explain things clearly to people but again, you they don't listen.

I am growing tired of being blamed for people bullying and harassing me just because they don't like the way I communicate.

I will not accept advice and lead people to believe I am suicidal or suffering from MPD or schizophrenia (as they once posted) when I am not. Neither will I accept advice from people who call me a troll, attention seeking, liar, fake or any other insulting phrase.

I will call them on their BS.

Last edited by bumble on 18 Feb 2013, 2:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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18 Feb 2013, 2:33 pm

bumble wrote:

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

You do know these people on that forum board have been following me around and harassing me for years don't you?

The same group and their cronies.

All the boards I have been chased off are the ones THEY frequent.

Bullies don't give out genuine advice. Their aim is never to help you.

I tried gently explaining it to them, I have been trying for 10 years on and off, but everytime I find myself on a site they are on it is the same old sh**.

I am not talking about all instances...I am talking about this instance.

Last week a close friend helped and I just said 'thank you...you touch my heart and soul in precious ways"

But then he didn't say anything offensive or critical because I didn't agree with him last Wednesday or something. He just accepted we didn't agree on that occasion.

I was again merely trying to explain things clearly to people but again, you don't listen.

No, you didn't listen. You took less than ten minutes to reply--I was timing you.

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18 Feb 2013, 2:42 pm

bumble wrote:

O.M.G.

I surrender.

You win.

Carry on the same way. Let's see how that works for you.

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18 Feb 2013, 2:45 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

No, you didn't listen. You took less than ten minutes to reply--I was timing you.

I listened, I just did not want to use that technique in this instance or didn't think too (see below).

It took me several seconds to read, a few more to process and not very long to type my post out (with a few typo's) at over 100 words per minute because I touch type. Hence why I can make so many posts so quickly.

The valid points I will consider. But if you were referring to the poster before you and what he said I am not interested. I was trying to explain to him why, in this instance, I did not wish to take their advice. I am not like that with every bit of advice I am given and often do accept help and let people in...it is only when I feel attacked on internet forums by people who twist everything I am trying to say (as on that other forum board) that problems in that way set in.

I am very non confrontational in real life. As I am very shy and reserved, albeit a little quirky. My writing style and speaking style are not the same.

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

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18 Feb 2013, 2:48 pm

bumble wrote:

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

Thank you. I think this may happen more often than you think.

Last edited by MjrMajorMajor on 18 Feb 2013, 2:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

bumble
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18 Feb 2013, 2:50 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

Thank you.

You are welcome and nicely done lol

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18 Feb 2013, 3:01 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

Thank you. I think this may happen more often than you think.

It has happened yes, but I apologised to those individuals.

But there are some individuals who know I can get flustered and they seem to use that against me (ie they know my usual response and go out of their way to trigger it). Of course once they start other people get caught up in the cross fire because I am not seeing things clearly when I am under attack. My stress levels go sky high.

In all fairness though they too have gotten carried away with things. I said in one post I would look at a link someone gave me later only they then replied saying that I refused to look at the link they gave me and so would not assist anymore and that I was just attention seeking or similar.

I said I would look at her link later...not that I was going to refuse to look a it so why on earth she attacked like that in the first place I don't know.

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18 Feb 2013, 3:07 pm

I think the crux of it is that I am most upset that I can no longer use the forums that are related to one of my interests. I have been using forums related to it for many years but can no longer tolerate the attacks from those who are genuinely trying to harass or bully me on there.

I was hoping to meet others with similar interests on those sites...but that has put paid to that as those who did genuinely attack me, and my getting flustered and upset by it has, has made it impossible for me to meet anyone now. I still think their reaction to my verbosity (and I hadn't attacked anyone at first, I'd just listed all the relevant factors and had made no reference to them at that stage. I believe the comment was something along the lines of can you talk to yourself elsewhere because I can forget myself and launch into monologues sometimes and so on). Hence why I complained about them complaining about my posting style which was the original OP in this thread. It seems to have become derailed.

If I talk to myself at home then the world thinks I am mad. Am I never supposed to speak in case I forget not to monologue sometimes.

Plus I am used to logging in to the site as it was one of my regulars. I really do not like being pushed into changes I did not want to make.

I will get over it eventually but that is why I am obsessing over it.

Last edited by bumble on 18 Feb 2013, 3:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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18 Feb 2013, 3:10 pm

bumble wrote:

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

Thank you. I think this may happen more often than you think.

In that instance, you'd probably be better off with a general polite acknowledgement. They might have been misinterpreting your response as a dismissal by the wording. On a forum, that possibility is only heightened.
Remember, it's not anyone's responsibility to tiptoe around what could trigger you.

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18 Feb 2013, 3:23 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

MjrMajorMajor wrote:

bumble wrote:

And yes, ok on a second reading I knee jerked because I was still upset by the poster before you.

Thank you. I think this may happen more often than you think.

Indeed it is not but some of them have been doing it for a long time and not just on advice related posts. I could make a post about the bus service and they will pick an argument by coming and making comments like 'oh she is just attention seeking'. 'she needs medication' or 'get therapy' or copy and pasting something I posted to an unrelated thread about my social issues and so on. What the hell does that have to do with the bus service and the buses not running well where I am living?

I don't see how the two are connected. My social issues have nothing to do with the schedule my local bus service runs. Even if I did make a one sentence post they come in and post the examples above or pick on my posting style because I make multiple posts sometimes (they have no edit feature).

I can tend to natter a lot at the best of times and am not just verbose when providing detail. If talking about a subject of interest I can get a little over excited so ramble on a bit in due to my fascination for it. So then I get insults for that when I was not doing it on purpose I had merely forgotten myself.

I know I do this and ask people to give me a gentle nudge if i am doing it again. But instead they yell at me (in person) or insult me, accuse me of just wanting attention because I made more than 1 blog post this week, accuse me of being self absorbed or obsessed and they don't exactly do so nicely. I have heard almost every name and insult in the book from people over the years because I natter too much sometimes about stuff I enjoy nattering about.

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18 Feb 2013, 3:39 pm

I know how difficult it can be to step away, but playing those scenes round and round in your head is stressing you out and not solving anything. I'm a fan of Be. Here. Now. Monologues might make great speeches, but only with a willing and appreciative audience. Some give and take allows a more collective and broader view to take hold, with everyone contributing instead of squirming in their seats.

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18 Feb 2013, 3:47 pm

Yes i know, but I get a bit excited so I get carried away sometimes. I know I do this so ask people to give me a gentle nudge (kindly) if I do. Usually though I get an insult or one occasion threats of violence (I don't like people waving their fist in my face and telling me to shut up or they will hit me).

Personally I like it when people go rattling off about their interest excitedly...their face lights up and it is a beautiful thing to see so I just let them have their moment of excitement. I can speak when their moment has passed.

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