why don't mild aspie call themselves nt

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I'm not sure exactly how mild or not my Aspergers is (how would you even measure something like that). But I'm definitely not NT!

I am married with kids - but it was my wife who did all the chasing, if it hadn't been for her confidence I would still be single and unhappy now! I really don't have a clue when it comes to getting girlfriends.

I can't drive a car - I've tried many times and have totally given up.

I have a total of two friends - who I see maybe four times a year each. though before getting married I saw them all the time - I think I latched onto them as a substitute for having a real relationship. When I do see my friends I either babble on too much, or get told of for not talking enough.

I can pass for NT in any social situation, or any interview. But it takes a huge amount of work to keep hold of the illusion, and I'm usually exhausted afterwards. And I often misinterpret the social clues of those around me so have to be very careful how I react in case I make some dumb faux pass.

I've had a couple of very successful careers, one as a professional sculptor, the other in engineering. Both careers eventually made me very ill due to the stress of trying to maintain the pressure and stress of keeping up with the demands of the job.

When people see that you are able bodied and can talk intelligently they automatically expect you to be 'normal'. And if you don't act like them you are accused of slacking and making excuses. It is amazing how much hatred you can attract if you don't try to fit in exactly with how others define 'normality'.

If you have Downs for example, then people feel sorry for you and don't expect too much (which is another form of discrimination, but I digress).

If you have Aspergers However, then if you don't expend every ounce of energy trying to imitate 'normality' - you become an outcast.

Those who appear to be 'NT' are mostly just faking it. And are probably suffering a lot more than you realise. All because of society's insistence that if they are capable of 'acting' normal then they should do so - regardless of the pain it causes them.

I am no less Aspergers when things are going well for me, than I am when my life appears to be a complete mess (which it has often descended into in the past)

Why should I not just call myself NT? because then how would I know how to best manage my difficulties? How would I understand the mental shutdown when my brain can no longer cope, and take steps to mitigate that? If I call myself NT, then I would be ignoring the synasthesia, the inability to filter out individual voices in a crowd, the tendency to go into meltdown from sensory overload.

Because I would be pretending that my brain is wired 'normally' and not the mess of spaghetti connections I was born with. Until my diagnosis six months ago I was confused and struggling to be normal, now I understand my difficulties and realise that it is not my fault I am the way I am.

Who are you to judge what difficulties other people have when all you see are posts on an internet forum? People only disclose on here what they want to disclose or feel comfortable posting. That may give the impression they are almost NT.

Superficially I could be classed as mild on your scale since I'm married, have had "friends", drive a car, own a house, have held jobs (until recently) and have socialised to a varying degree. On first meeting other people they may simply think I'm a little reserved and formal; as they get to know me they typically think I'm a bit eccentric. Most don't know I have Asperger's.

The real problems are below the surface and I hide them well to fit into society and the needs of employers and social conventions. Nobody realises the immense strain of trying to be social; nobody is aware of my sensory issues with sound unless I put in the earplugs I always carry with me. Most people don't notice my subtle stims with my fingers tapping my side or legs when I'm stressed or talking to people I don't know - I hide the stims well. Nobody sees the fact I'm counting in my head almost all the time - I must count into the tens of thousands every day (in continuous small batches of up to around 80 a time).

At worst, most people think it a little odd that I talk at very high speed and endlessly about certain subjects that fascinate me and remain almost silent the rest of the time. People do sometimes think I'm rude, unemotional or unfeeling because I cannot read their body language or anything other than coarse emotions on their face such as happiness, sadness and anger (apparently most people can detect other emotions such as envy, boredom and so on - while I fully understand and experience the full range of emotions I can't see them being expressed by other people - they need to tell me in words how they feel). I have immense difficulty making small talk and really struggle knowing what to say or how to respond to it and have no interest in socialising - yet I make the effort when required by employers, society and family. I have problems with executive function and planning things and find it almost impossible to do anything that doesn't interest me - even if my life depends on it. I have a very high IQ but the EQ of a turnip.

Superficially I can pass as NT, but it is a heavy mask to wear and I have to remove it frequently. I have already had one serious suicide attempt from the struggle to keep up the illusion of being NT and living in an NT world.

So I go back to my initial statement: Who are you to judge that anyone is NT? You see only a tiny fraction of what individuals on this site go through based on what they want to disclose in these forums. It is a very wide spectrum with individuals at both extremes. Just because someone is more mild than you doesn't make them NT - not by a long way.

I have quite a few friends, etc. But I am in no way NT. I know many people on the spectrum in the same situation.

Aspergers isn't just about the social stuff either. Some may cope with that; but they struggle with change, have obsessive interests, etc. Hardly NT.

But some people with rather severe autism are married or dating. All you really need to get married is the ability to communicate well enough to say "I do."

I don't think of dating as some kind of competition, where you trick people into sleeping with you. Maybe you get one-night stands that way, and yeah, social skills are going to help you with that, but to get married you only need to meet one person that you are compatible with, and get to know them well enough for both of you to understand that you want to live together for life. Bonding with one person is among the easiest things for people with AS to do. It's not stressful or chaotic. You can learn each other at your own pace.

Stop thinking of it as a game you're trying to win, and start thinking of it as finding a best friend. Mates aren't interchangeable, and they're not trophies. They're people with hopes and dreams probably very much like your own.

Um...perhaps because they AREN'T neurotypical? Could that possibly be it?

How is "mild" defined?

It can only be defined in terms of comparison of individuals. One may be (generally speaking) more mild in their autistic symptoms than the other.

This term confuses me also, because different types of autistic symptoms can have different severities. When you throw in ability to compensate/coping skills, then it really becomes a headscratcher.

Yes I agree. Comparing one person to another can be difficult and misleading. That's why I qualified my post with "generally speaking". It isn't like a linear scale of abilities, autism is a multi-faceted issue and each individual has different levels of severity of each issue and different levels of coping with each facet.

coudnt agree more.
is the original post a trolling or is it genuinely believed in?
people can have mild effects of autism and be able to emulate NT society but they still have divergent brain wiring;theyre still on the spectrum, that makes them not NT.

it isnt not being NT that has a lot of connotations for mildly autistic people,its often the disability label but the majority of people who if assessed now woud be rediagnosed they woud be under the label of disability to,the fact its attached to disability is also about preservation of supports for the those in need on the spectrum.

we are supposed to be fighting against discrimination,disablism and isolation on the autistic spectrum, we experience this all of our lives bigots dont need help from ourselves.
this is to a lesser level how people on the spectrum treat us [lf,severe or profound] but because we dont have enough genuinely affected spectrumers with the ability to self advocate unlike the hf spectrum we dont get defense like amongst this thread.
we need to be defending all walks of life on the spectrum,otherwise those who feel its ok to have biased prejudices towards parts of it have no moral right to put the spectrum on a hierarchy of worth.

I think the OP asked this out of bitterness. He lost his girlfriend who dumped him and he hasn't found another woman since. I've noticed when someone with autism has low self esteem about their condition, they tend to look down on others with it who are married or have careers, have kids, and say they're normal or they don't have a real disability.


I don't have any friends. I have my husband and my family and child.

I don't have any degree and I was in special ed through my school years and would have dropped out if I didn't have any help. So I didn't go to college for this reason.

I had meltdowns in school and at home

I have anxiety

Sometimes change stresses me out, even at work, I get anxiety when someone has changed my routine or messed with my cart or something but I have learned to adapt by knowing what to do about it

I stim but I mostly do it alone and because my stims aren't very autistic, I am sure people don't notice.

I take things literal and miss social cues, my husband has to tell me

I tend to say too much or not be very tactful though I try to be

I don't like to be touched and I need my personal space

I don't interact with people when I was in groups most of the time and I am just sitting there doing my thing

My interests get in the way and take over and it's hard trying to keep it under control and not take over. My husband has to get me outside or get me to go somewhere. I am thinking about making a time for it so I only do it at that time so I am not always forcing myself and I can get things done quicker.

I have felt mentally exhausted coming home from work and want to just relax and be alone I barely paid any attention to my husband when I worked full time

I feel worn out when I have been gone all day long (My mom is the same way and she is NT but I think she may have a few aspie qualities)

Kids treated me different in high school, they didn't like my interaction and I was rejected and treated different by school staff and other kids

As a kid, I had a hard time know when to stop and where the line is drawn so I always got in trouble at school because of it and I would get confused about what the rules are because other kids wouldn't follow them

I always fell asleep in class because all the talking and listening would do that to me

I was emotionally immature

I was always correcting my history teacher unintentionally

I was very naïve so kids took advantage of me and I also copied the wrong behavior and not have understanding. I still do it sometimes and I don't even know it and I have found out my dad and husband had been insulting me the whole time by calling me cheap so I said it to my aunt and uncle in a thank you card and meant it as a compliment.

I had friends my own age until I was in fourth grade and then their interests changed and I found it hard to stand around and chit chat they always did. They started to leave me and kids my age quit coming over so I went for younger age groups

Kids thought I was ret*d

I had dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder

I had very poor social skills

Too much on my mind overwhelms me like if I have a few errands I got to do so doing them all at once exhaust me

Getting a job has always been hard for me

I was able to pass one interview and my aunt and mother had to help me with that. I don't recall it being exhausting.

I didn't understand personal space until I was 20

I work part time and I think it's what I can handle right now with a child

I am married but my husband also is disabled and has learning disabilities and supposedly shows signs of autism

I process information differently and see things differently and think different than other people

Phones are a road block for me. I always have a hard time with them, especially with the menu crap they do. I always prefer customer service and that is hard too for me but easier.

I could never get a date in real life but I had better luck online. Sure men would talk to me in the real world but would never ask me out and my shyness would get mistaken as rejection. No eye contact for one.

I am sure there are more but no one points it out to me and I feel normal. I am sure no one will ever guess I have a disability but some do notice. I get my moments where my condition decides to come out and other times I am normal.

I think I am the mildest of all so anyone not like me I don't think they're mild if they have more problems than me or more symptoms or have had to quit their jobs over a change in their routine or get exhausted from social situations and interactions. I don't ever feel exhausted from being around people. For one I don't even try and it's either accept me or I leave.

Maybe just maybe if I tried for friends or force myself to be social and talk, I may not like it either and then really see the frustration so I am just laid back. I remember all that back in my childhood and quit. Why be someone who I am not? I also don't follow fashion. I consider myself normal but not NT and I worked hard my whole life and been through therapies and had social stories done growing up. I just say normal is overrated. You can be NT and not be normal. I have met some weird NTs and they were also different than lot of NTs but I seem to attract weird people. As the saying goes, it takes one to know one.

I would if I could, but Autism sites make it a strict rule not to, so I don't bother. I suppose the line has to be drawn somewhere anyway, so unfortunately I am not NT.

I have problem dating and marrying, because I have problem being twogether with hoooman.

League_Girl your not the type of aspie,Im talking about.
Im talking about mild aspie who are social popular,have a good social life,
tons of friends,are married to nt;s or least have no trouble dating nt's.

So you're talking about Aspies who have absolutely no symptoms of Asperger's, who have to spend no more effort than anyone else on socializing?