The site where they BASH Aspie husband and wives. :O

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Peter Pan died?????

It appears someone is trying to get happiness from another person as their sole form of such.

It doesn't work like that.

People become boring, they grow old, they get ugly (uglier), their interests change, they annoy you, they stop doing the things they used to do, they do new things, they let you down, and whatnot (this is the typical stuff that's "normal" and not "bad").

You care for them because it's been made, but don't get happiness from them (or make them the sole form of such), as it'll get hit over the head, no matter what disorder is absent.

If you make people your sole form of happiness, prepare for depression and/or a lot of relations.

It's really disturbing knowing that there are people out there saying stuff like this behind my back and I have no idea.

So yes. Makes you wonder, and I really hate wondering about this stuff.

Well, I think it's lucky that I don't intend to marry anyway...

It seems odd to me that people are leaping to the defence of an anonymous person on the internet who is, possibly, truthfully relating one half of a story. There is just as much chance that she is:

A martyr and completely blameless in every way.

Lying about the extent of the 'issues'.

Making it up completely for attention.

Just a horrible person and a right moaning Minnie .

Whatever the case may be, and taking it at face value, berating and bellittling her partner on an open forum is a crappy thing to do. She should speak to him (or her, who knows!?!) and sort it out like an adult. Making sweeping statements about a whole spectrum of people based on her depiction of the alleged awfulness of her partner undermines any sense of credibility the poster may have had. People have to take responsibility for their own actions.

My life partner thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread, so by that logic, all Aspie men must be! Hurrah!

I'm not going to make any judgements about individual relationship stories from people on that site. I wouldn't have anywhere near enough information to qualify me to do this. However, having looked around there a bit, I can say there's something very toxic and unfortunate happening. People are joining and bashing their partner's behaviour (which I can understand in itself, if they are frustrated and cannot find another outlet for it), but then the AS label is being treated as a get out of jail free card as they are absolved of any guilt and all blame is attributed to their partner.

It's natural of course to want to feel like it's all your partner's fault if a relationship isn't working, and of course it's possible that it may be mostly one person's fault in some cases. But on that forum all someone needs to do is mention the AS label and they can be told everything they want to hear. Then they see what everyone else on the forum is writing about AS partners, and are surrounded with a consensus of opinion that AS is the source of all evil in relationships. The place is basically a cesspool for breeding prejudice.

Please note a few things:
? Many so called cases of AS on there are undiagnosed. People are using the label as they struggle to explain why their relationship is so hard. Some of the long-timers there also seem to see themselves as armchair expects on the disorder, claiming that they can spot aspies, looking at all the bad relationships they see and imagining AS as the cause, while judging the good ones to be NT.

? It says on the forum rules that AS partners are not allowed to speak up for themselves there, only adding to its one-sided and distorted nature.

? Happy partners of AS people won't be drawn to a forum like that, also ensuring that a very one-sided picture is painted.

? The range of problems they attribute to AS is basically the same as the range of problems that will be claimed in any dysfunctional relationship. This applies whether the partner is apparently too obsessive and intense, or too cold and distant. Other complaints include double-standards, freaking out over trivial things, prioritising personal interests over the relationship, being controlling, not understanding their partner's needs, cheating, lying, turning friends against their partner, and treating their partner like a carer rather than a lover. The list goes on, but in short, these are the same things that anyone in a dysfunctional relationship will complain about. But on that forum, all of it is being attributed to AS.

You could ask any friend in a dysfunctional relationship to write down their story, then go and post it on that forum and throw in the AS label. I guarantee you it would be accepted without question, and met with cries that this is classic aspie behaviour, your partner can't change and you need to leave them. This would apply equally if you took the other partner's side of the story and did the same.

Also, please note that the behaviour of the NTs on that forum is not representative of all NTs either. Please do yourself a favour and do not take anything said on that forum to heart. It is not an accurate representation of reality!

Thanks for pointing that out. I haven't bothered to check that site out, the OP was more than awful enough.

Despite having AS myself, I don't find the original link to be offensive to those on the spectrum generally - but it's important to bear in mind that relationship problems are usually a two-way street and that we're only getting her side of the story. Maybe some marriage guidance counselling might help.

I particularly love the one where a lady told her autistic ex to get lost, eg split up with him, then wondered why her ex then cut off contact with her. Well, d'uh...