are you married/in a relationship?

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Sure, it wouldn't work for everybody. But is it wise to see being married / in a relationship as unimportant information? When I was unpartnered, I always saw it as a warning that I was likely to create competition if I pursued a partnered individual. I might not be able to see her as much as I wanted to because of her prior commitment, I'd likely cause her partner to feel substantially jealous, I might lose her completely if she ended up having to choose, and I might get punched. I agree that a standard wedding ring would be less useful for a married swinger, and that a different ring would be better for them, and probably a different category of marriage, more of a civil partnership with a customised contract.

If the couple are raising children, there's also a much bigger ethical consideration, whether to take part in something that could destabilise the couple at the expense of the kids' well-being.

"Married" and "in a relationship" are not the same thing in the first place.

That's why you'd need some kind of indication for "available" which is distinct from "single".

There are plenty of mono couples which have time management issues. e.g. due to things like jobs.
Your metamour's feelings would be his own in this case.

If anything this is less likely to happen with a poly person, since we tend to avoid dumping people we like for trivial reasons. Such choices are more typical of mono people.

It's best not to equate polyamoury with swinging. Since both poly people and swingers are apt to be offended.

Just because I have difficulty forming relationships does not make me monogamous. If anything it's more important to me than the average person not to waste my time with anyone mutually incompatable.
Whilst in theory both "dating sites" and worn symbols could be useful. They need to be able to communicate the relevent information clearly.

Worn symbols? A wedding band indicates marridge but it's absence can no longer be taken as symbolic of singleness. Maybe something like this would suit;

The trouble is, I'm not sure if it's meant to indicate single and seeking a partner or single and wishing to remain so. Also I'm not sure if it should still be worn on the ring finger, since from a distance it may be mistaken for a wedding ring. Perhaps it could be worn on the right ring finger instead of the left.

+1

Regarding the OP: No friends, no family, no relationship.....

I've been in a couple of relationships----one, for 9 years, but.....

I thought, for "a minute", I was going to be in a relationship, last year (it lasted 4 months----well, 3 months, and it took me a month to get rid of him)----but, he turned-out to be a horrible, Horrible, HORRIBLE person----I STILL haven't gotten over it!!

You are likely to have to get rather close to someone to read any text on a ring.

That still ignores the issue of what kind of partnership they might be seeking.
My point being that I wish to avoid those seeking exclusive relationships. On the other hand others, including the poster who came up with the ring idea might only be interested in those seeking such relationships. I would only want to wear something which accuratly reflected what I was interested in.

Or you'd need multiple rings of distinct designs and colours.

Married for 15 years. Had a couple relationship before meeting DH. Enough friends as well. I think being extroverted and talk a lot is the reason I've been OK. It's the relationships I don't have choice over I have trouble with. Especially with my parents and brother. We're just so darned different there's no chance of us understanding each other or agreeing with each other. They're a major stress source for me.

Life can still be difficult for an aspie even with perfect spouse and friends. My anxiety is so bad nearly everything stress me out. I can't even manage a normal life facade to the outside world. I can't sleep at night, my house is a mess pile. We never go to anywhere for fun because it's too much for me. I feel guilty that DH does the majority of the parenting. I just haven't been as useful as anyone (including myself) expected.

Relationships are probably the area I am most aspie in (sometimes I feel like a faker because I hold down a job, have a couple of friends etc.).

I was very aware a major milestone was passing me by when I was growing up, when people first start talking about crushes I was never comfortable (any expression of emotion makes me uncomfortable), as people started having relationships I was left behind, my response was to feign asexuality to try and pretend I was in control and was single through choice (again due to the discomfort admitting the emotions of being unhappy alone).

I have had one experience that I guess almost counts as a relationship, first kiss was aged 25 and only happened after knowing the person for 5 years, a few years later after being obsessed with this person for almost a decade they actually gave me a chance to seriously be with them. I couldn't actually handle the reality of it and completely withdrew, they got tired of waiting and moved on. i got instant regret that id thrown away a chance of happiness, had some sort of breakdown which indirectly lead me to my diagnosis.

I am fairly sure I will never have a relationship, not just because of the aspergers, but how it interacts with various other problems I have, a knot of neurological, psychological and family issues (boils down to if I cared about someone I wouldn't want them to be with me). When I first came to this conclusion it felt good for awhile, like I could stop torturing myself over something I will never have. But recently that part of me has reasserted itself, I will see a cute person and feel pangs (really like the quote from extremely loud and incredibly close 'Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living'). So my brain is pulling me in two different directions, if my some miracle someone was interested in me I know that I would completely shut down again, even if I could get past that I have a whole raft of other problems that would make it difficult. Genuinely wish I could have some kind of operation that kills the part of my brain that wants a relationship.

Sometimes I find myself fantasising about meeting someone with similar problems to me, who would be able to understand and therefore make me feel comfortable enough for it to work, I guess the male/female aspergers ratio odds are against me there and thats only one aspect of it. i'm doomed.

Nope. I don't think it's ever going to happen either. I'm not always happy being alone, but a relationship is a huge responsibility that brings a lot of added stress. My last one ended four years ago and I don't miss it.

I read a lot of books on relationships when I was dating. I figured anything could be learned if you try hard enough, even if you don't have the natural instinct. It helped a lot, to give me confidence on how to act and what to say. To be honest I wasn't sure if I was really in love with my then boyfriend. Not sure what real love felt like. He felt more like a best friend. But then it was the best I've got, so it's real enough for me. I wanted to find a nice man and settle down, so I did. Boy I miss my younger days before anxiety struck me. I always got what I wanted, no matter how difficult.

True. But what's your point?


True, but poly folks have to go to work too.


Correct, but again, what's your point?


I wondered in my youth why it was only in relationships that people "finished with" each other, while friends falling out wouldn't end their association so definitively. I guess the answer has a lot to do with monogamy. What trivial reasons did you have in mind?


I didn't mean to imply that.

Clear and unambiguous communication for starters.


But mono types can accept lack of time due to being at work, but not due to being with another partner. I honestly can't understand how these are different. (It can also be the case that there can be "too much" time with someone.)


It is not sensible (or even sane) to feel responsible for what someone else might (or might not) do.


To me anything not of very serious import would be "trivial". But I can't really think of a situation where someone's life would depend on me dumping them or someone else.

Deliriously happy.

OK a thread came up asking about our relationship status with a poll attached, and I answered the question, then I get attacked. So pardon me for replying to a thread on WP. I wasn't doing it to make people like you feel bad.

And you've actually contradicted yourself here. So it sounds like you're on WP to feel sorry for yourself too.

It's just that back when I was single, when I felt like I was going to be single forever, I looked at other Autistics/Aspies that were my age or even younger, who seemed happy in a relationship already, and that changed my view a little bit. It provided hope for me. And you know how much of a pessimist I am. Like you said, I spent 1,000 posts whining about Asperger's. I know you're feeling really frustrated at life because a lot of people here seem to be happy in a relationship, so I am not going to be offended or literal about anything you have said.

Merry Christmas.

No, and no.

I can't imagine the work it would take to be in a relationship, let alone have a cup of coffee with someone. Utterly overwhelming

I have my master

Woof Woof!

I've never been in an intimate relationship. It doesn't bother me in the least. I have friends and family and that's enough for me.