do you ever feel that people think your a fraud?

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I don't know if they thought I was just pulling a scam or whether they just ignored or forgot everything I had, at great distress to myself, explained only days earlier. It made me feel like a fraud though, because the more I explained stuff the more stupid it sounded to me, and then when they later ignored it, that just turned the knife.

No, I feel like I am a fraud. I never explain things to people, just act as normal as possible. Explaining yourself should be reserved for a "best" friend or lover. After studying people for 30 plus years, I have concluded that most NTs don't want to know. When someone says, "How are you?" They expect you to say "Fine, and you?" It has as much meaning as two strange dogs sniffing arses.

You feel like you are not gaining acceptance because people don't understand you, but the reality is you are not conforming. It is hard to see this when you are young and wanting acceptance is common to all young people. But we are genetically programmed as the most basic level to identify with a group and adopt the group's behavior. If you try to circumvent the natural course of human interaction, you will inevitably get screwed. It has happened to me thousands of times in 50 years of life until I finally figured this out.

It is a hard lesson for young apsies, but it is important to know. Even when you think you have "acceptance," what you are likely seeing is hypocrisy, lip service, condescension. When Jane Goodall studied chimpanzees, she witnessed a devastating polio epidemic that killed and maimed many members of the troupe. One of the most respected members survived polio leaving a pronounced limp and he tried to return to the society and they tried to kill him. Goodall stepped in and prevented that, but he was forever ostracized from his troupe because he was fundamentally different. We share 98.5% of our DNA with chimps. We have large cerebral cortexes and the greatest thinkers among us have tried to propagate acceptance and inclusion and to make that the group norm. But that xenophobic genetic programming remains that anyone who is not like us is the enemy. We try to explain wars for many different reasons, but it all boils down to a "them" and an "us."

I don't mean to sound harsh, but the world is harsh. And I have empathy for you. Really, I do. This is the only group that I've ever felt empathy for. It is SO amazing.