why do NT get mad when they know you are right?

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An apology is saying that you acknowledge that you did make a mistake (not on purpose) and that you'll try not to do it again.

Thank you for correcting my misconception about the meaning of "apology"

Question:
Can you describe which variables you consider when adjusting the "strength" of your apology in a given situation?
like the severity of the error, the reciever of the apology

If i ask too much, then please say so.
To me it's not rude .... more like as service

It all depends. Men don't apologize I don't think as much as women. Some women apologize too much. Because I believe in etiquette, I will always apologize, but if it's someone I'm not close to then it's not as sincere UNLESS I make a mistake then I apologize a lot no matter who it is.

I feel many times it's an attempt to look productive when all else fails.


1) yes, specifically asked because apparently the other person asked him. Lost a lot of respect there for that person because I found it cowardly to not just ask me directly. Nobody was arguing...nobody was fighting...;.I certainly wasn't put out by it....So, what's with the behind the backery thing going on there?

2) Still don't get why I should apologize for a mistake. Period. I have done nothing wrong on purpose. Why do I need to assuage someone else's feelings? It is acknowledged and moving on.

I guess that I have a problem because they certainly don't apologize when they have to come to me to get their butts bailed out saying, "I know it's my mistake, but...". They don't apologize for the inconvenience to others when I have to stop what I was doing to take care of their emergency.

So, not being argumentative. That's just the things that don't make sense and I find it two sided.

I find my way simpler....just the simple rules.....


Yeah...I can't go along with that. If I say, "Yep, that was a mistake" or, "Yep, my mistake" That says that exactly. It's also, always, followed up with, "get right on that." And, I'd really like to know what is wrong with that and not just be told it's what's expected. I've specifically acknowledged, and taken care of it as quickly as possible.

Because, well...I think I've proven that doesn't work with me.....

And, this ain't the same things as saying "...sorry..." When you bump into someone or something like that. That's been trained into me since childhood.

I think I should clarify my rules for apology:
1) If I've said or done something that causes harm. I did not meltdown on purpose, but I was wrong in what I did or said.

2). If I've caused a problem by not doing my job properly. This does not include disconnects that can happen by faulty information.

The above example was not entirely my fault. The person who did complain had plenty of time, I caused no interruptions that were negligent on my part. The information given was not complete and some was inferred. I think that's what got me was the request for an apology when there was enough disconnect all the way around. I actually thought I did good by not pointing out the disconnects that was created by half assed information. That's usually my routine....pointing out that I am not the only one at fault.

So, I stay confused. Mostly because I don't see others giving me what they expect from me. Not saying they don't. Just saying I don't see it.

And, when I've felt aggrieved, I don't see anybody beating down the door to apologize to me.

We "live in our bubble" but this is a bubble of truth.

Liars live in "the social world" and this is a world full of lies.

Lies and truth does not get on well together.

I know quite a few NT who are also mad with all those lies and are happy to meet autists because a breathe of truth and real social sense is what they need.

I think you handled the situation perfectly. You didn't start an argument, and you took the blame. I do have the same problem figuring out exactly what the objective is. And I'm not good at asking if i'm in doubt. People tend to forget a lot of important information, even when they think that they have been thourough. When you have been working on something for some time, some of it become common knowledge to you, and you tend to forget, that it is not common knowledge to the one who has to read it.. Like when you take notes (extreme example, I know)..... You don't write everything down, just keywords or sentences, that only make sence to you. Think about riding a bike or driving a car. Imagine that you had to make a description of how to ride a bike to someone who dont know how to .... You don't think about every single step anymore ...

I think the best strategy when beginning on a new assignment is to take your time to identify everything that you are in doubt about. Find the one who has made the assignment, and get it straight. It is newer wrong to ask. It is certainly much better than misunderstanding something important. If you dont ask it it to easy to blame you ....

Just some thoughts ....
I'l probably be back later I...

It'd be nice if the best way to look productive were to be actually productive, wouldn't it?

That would be nice...

Actually, I've never thought about how productive I look when im working.
Or what others do....

I'm unemployed at the moment, but I plan to avoid open space office invironments.
Noice, phones talking is krytonite to my ability to concentrate.

I'm applying for a job at a company that only employ Aspies.....
I'm really exited about it ...




Anyway writing the code is the least part of programming
especially if I need to do some research.

But it wouldn't surprise me if my NT coworkers try to estimate my productivity based on typing intensity...

Yes.

In order to survive on the workplace among NTs, I think that you have to
- promote your work a minimum,
(your work, not yourself otherwise it triggers jealousy and side effects...)
- tell co-workers that You did it in order to prevent others from stealing you the results,
(what will otherwise happen)

I think that this is necessary in order to protect the energy that you put in your work. I don't like doing it but i even more dislike when i give myself 100% to produce the best results and someone is stealing my work on my back...

I read a sociological study:
They were asking employees (mostly NTs) to rate their efficiency in comparison with the efficiency of others.
80% of the poll responded "i am more efficient at work than the average co-workers".

... interesting !

Well, there are also many more people who rate their own intelligence as above average than below

Must be true. However an IQ test can easily prove them wrong.

With regards to work performances, it is different because it is including various parameters like social skills, creativity, knowledge, punctuality, expertise, experience, etc.