Sorry I have to ask this

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I was an angry kid with perpetual screaming-meemies, universally shunned. Also I was brilliant and smarter than the teachers and gave them no mercy. I made enemies everywhere.

Did anybody think I needed help? Nope; those were the "blame the victim" years. Not until 1994, when I was 54yo. And even then, it me myself alone that demanded family doc to refer me to mental hospital "diagnosis as to Asperger's" (thus preventing further ventures into side-issues).

Your question: how could people not know? My Mom trained me rigorously to get a job. She taught me from childhood how to sit, stand, walk, speak - all for a job interview. She forced me away from math and into typing. It worked. But I couldn't keep a job, just kept getting another.

So I guess the answer might be that we are excellent actors. And since 1994, kids are "integrated" and society accepts, so things are better.

And I'm retired on pension!

Please allow me to add that making Asperger's use the name of Autism was not helpful, I think, to anybody. The lowest end of the spectrum is more visible and the highest end can win a Nobel Prize. How to explain? How to paint *one* picture of autism/asperger's?

Can anybody come up with a visual on this?

At the mall, I passed a kid who was at lowest end of the spectrum. But I recognized it. I wish I had talked to him. He did a double-take at me. But his arms and legs were out of control and each step was a heave of effort; most of his movement was circular. I was in "normal" mode, which means "elderly lady." It was over too fast and I didn't speak to him. But in the parking lot, my jeans fell down. Yes, "lady" is an act.

That would be Dr. Ole Ivar Lovaas the father of Applied Behavioral Analysis who also used electrical shocks. Dr. Leo Kanner was the guy who figured out Autism was different than Schizophrenia and who believed Autism was a rare childhood condition. He also was the originator of the "refrigerator mother" theory. His view of autism was near universal view of autism for the next several decades in the Western World



"Residual Autism" was an official diagnosis during the 1980's

I have an extremely bad memory. Others are able to keep track of what I say much better than I can. The online friend that I talk to daily mentions stuff I have posted in the past that I do not remember saying. Or tell me I already asked him the same question a couple of times already, or don't I remember he explained to me how some aspect of the online game we play and I forgot. Also I am not good at keeping track of other members or remembering having conversations or arguments with them or whatever.

I try to ask questions in general or talk about a group in general. When I am discussing politics like I have been a lot, I just want to talk about how things seem with a whole group of people and not make it personal. But I suppose when I ask about or say something about a group, someone will take it personally. Most people this thread seem to understand why I asked the question I did and gave me good answers and it looks like a good thread with good information.

I don't know what you mean.

I remember the exchange you are talking about BIF, and I got the same impression from it. I felt very unwelcome too because I am also someone diagnosed later in life, who until then had just been told I was different and broken by various different people and professionals with little actual help or explanation as to how I was different. Most of my life never made sense to me except in retrospect after being diagnosed, but I guess because I "passed" for so long I'm not a "genuine" autistic person, according to some.

I do not know who you are. I do not remember an argument I had with you.

I have run into this issue with this poster before too. I also suspect ToM issues. Often he tries to force conformation to his view, rather than try to understand what is said.


That's convenient.

I dont really care about the "fight" and insults that were dished out, but if it was many years ago why bring it up now?
I dont forgive or forget, bu tif Ezra wasnt being offensive NOW does it really (in this case) matter what he said and thought MANY YEARS AGO (when he still was a child, btw)

EzraS: If you look through your posts on your own page, you can find whatever you said, and whatever they said, if you want to know for future reference

I don't see the point in it. Considering all the negative things this person has said about me in an aggressive manner, they were most likely very aggressive and negative in whatever argument we had. Most likely what transpired was a result of cause and effect. They were hostile, aggressive, rude whatever to me and I was hostile, aggressive and rude back to them. That's what happens in personal arguments. And unfortunately some people hold grudges and are not willing to acknowledge their own bad behavior and play the victim card.

Now as to "who should and should't be posting here", this is obviously a forum for high functioning aspies. so, if there's anyone "who doesn't belong here", it's me.

Last edited by EzraS on 28 Dec 2016, 12:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

I wouldnt like it if you leave. But from what i have seen, i agree with you.
But no one needs to leave
This is the internet, afterall

I run into trouble with my sense of time - everything seems to me to have happened today, instead of 50 years ago. Time is an illusion. I answer questions that were asked decades ago, and then have to explain the context, and then the person gets mad and says something like, "Can't you let the past be past?" Well, if it was I would but it's not. It's all now. I do try very hard not to annoy people.

But then I read that maybe time really is an illusion after all.

The answer is simple : most people dont know anything about ASDs.

Well I don't think there has to be any qualifier to post here. I don't believe one has to have autism at all the be a member and post frequently. Of course no one has to leave. That's up to them. Sometimes people say stuff you don't like on the internet. Sometimes someone gives you a hard time. Sometimes someone misunderstands what's being said. On and on. that's just the way it is. There's an old adage: Don't internet if you can't internet.

For some reason I can relate to this because I also don't remember everything I say or ask or even keep track of people and people have brought up things to me I have said I had no memory of and one thing I find weird is how I can talk to someone online and then literally forget about that discussion we had only to find out later the have held that against me. They remember while I have no memory and it's like they had held a grudge and didn't let it go while I probably didn't find it all that important so I forgot about it. But that doesn't mean you are free from the responsibility just because you don't remember. My mom used to tell me when I was a kid, "just because you don't remember doesn't mean it never happened." I think part of it was I lived in the moment so anything that happened was over. Because it was over, I wanted nothing to do with it because it already happened and because I had no memory of it or I had already moved on from it, I expected others to get over it too and move on. It was also like I had no TOM about it because I expected them to be like me and feel the same way about it as me. But also the "just because you don't remember it happened doesn't mean it never did" also backfired because I started to believe everything people would tell me I did so for a couple of years I thought I stabbed a boy in my History class with a plastic fork and it stuck in his neck. Kids asked me about it and I actually admitted it but I also said "I don't remember doing that but if that is what I actually did, I don't remember." I can't imagine the shock the kid must have had who made it up. I feel just like Butters because he believes everything you tell him so if you told him he took your video game, he would believe you even though you know he didn't. Eventually I had to learn to trust my own memory because people were starting to take advantage of me about it, even online. I will also pick my battles like if someone accuses me of something I have no memory of doing and if it's not worth the argument I will just say "I don't remember that happened but if it did, sorry about it" and move on and it doesn't matter if it actually happened or not. I would only hope the person just feels better. I am not going to gaslight myself wondering if that really happened or not or if they are mistaking and think it was me.

An idea I have for your dilemma is why not bookmark this thread or save the link somewhere or copy and paste all these responses to a word document so you can always look at it to refresh yourself so that way you aren't asking this over and over.

I remember a line in movie I saw where an autism expert said, "you know who knows all about autism? Nobody." Of course I don't remember the name of the movie or the details, which is typical. But I believe with autism, whether it's yours or someone else's, there's always a situation of trying to understand it better. Like I said earlier, I don't even understand myself. I don't understand how I can come off as brilliant according to others online and function on such a poor level in real life. It doesn't make any sense. Does that mean I have a poor theory of mind, or is it simply just a conundrum?

Now someone could ask me, how is it you're so sociable and verbose and witty and whatever online, but in real life you act all withdrawn and don't speak and someone at school has to take you to the restroom so you don't get lost? And I could respond two different ways. I don't know, it doesn't seem to make any sense does it? Or I could decide that they are trying to accuse me of something and get all offended and hostile towards them.