How you come across online vs. in real life

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Ashariel
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29 Dec 2016, 9:32 am

blackicmenace wrote:

I understand an avatar is meant to represent you, but in all honesty, I never include avatars or online names in an assessment of someone. I typically just analyze their viewpoints, perceived morality and things of that nature to build my outlook on said person. I wonder if I am alone in discarding avatars and names while building datum.

I'm somewhat the same way, in that I click on a thread and read through the responses, largely ignoring the left column of 'who said what' and just focusing on what was said.

I have weird visual perception - colors and images are confusing to me anyway, so the avatars are just kind of a vague blur, unless I consciously make the effort to look at them and try to figure out what they're supposed to be. So the earlier discussion of your avatar - I honestly hadn't seen or noticed it at all. And my own impression was - some kind of animal, a cat I guess? I didn't come to the conclusion that it was scary-looking, just 'weird' somehow.

I tend to not understand people's user names or avatars, because often they are references to things I know nothing about. My own was simply my World of Warcraft character at the time - I couldn't think of anything else!

IstominFan
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29 Dec 2016, 10:23 am

I communicate far better in writing than through speech. I do well giving prepared speeches in Toastmasters, but small talk continues to make me anxious.

Ashariel
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29 Dec 2016, 10:23 am

Fraser_1990 wrote:

I don't know how I come across to people online or offline. If I knew, I wouldn't be autistic.

I agree that it's our nature to be oblivious to how we come across, but I think we are capable of learning and improving(?) in that department, by asking for feedback from family, friends, therapists, etc. (Not to mention the free, unsolicited feedback bullies are always more than happy to provide us with! Haha)

You're right though, I think some autistics manage to remain blissfully unaware, and it's not a bad way to be

kdm1984
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29 Dec 2016, 1:20 pm

Ashariel wrote:

Fraser_1990 wrote:

I don't know how I come across to people online or offline. If I knew, I wouldn't be autistic.

lol I see his point. I didn't know how I came across until others told me. I thought I was a sweet, empathetic person...no. I'm cold, tactless, black-and-white logical, mean, and apparently unfriendly as expletive!

Ashariel
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29 Dec 2016, 4:29 pm

Thanks for all the comments here - it's really helping me to understand this issue better!

What I've learned over the years is that "just being myself" online is a recipe for failure. So my challenge is to learn how to express myself honestly, but in a way that comes across better, and prevents misunderstandings.

Things I've learned the hard way:
- Don't overuse smilies. Some people find that annoying.
- If someone is rude to me, try to be honest but polite in return.

Things I still need to work on:
- How to offer support in a way that is helpful.

I'm particularly terrible at that last one. I care deeply about people who are going through a difficult time, but when I try to offer encouragement, suggestions, or commiseration, it's usually not at all what the person wanted to hear. So I think I'll quietly observe how other people offer support, and see if I can identify what works, and what doesn't.

I know I'm annoyingly analytical about all this. But it's how I make progress!

blackicmenace
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29 Dec 2016, 4:52 pm

Ashariel wrote:

I don't find you annoying in the least bit. I enjoy your contribution to the discussion.

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Kiprobalhato
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30 Dec 2016, 2:32 am

Ashariel wrote:

I'm somewhat the same way, in that I click on a thread and read through the responses, largely ignoring the left column of 'who said what' and just focusing on what was said.

i do the same, but it's hard for me to throw away age completely because i believe that does have a major impact on someone's perspective.

of course, i find myself on the receiving end. i've been dismissed on here before because of my age, often while i was doing a moderator action. or, at least felt like i didn't belong.

Ashariel wrote:

And my own impression was - some kind of animal, a cat I guess? I didn't come to the conclusion that it was scary-looking, just 'weird' somehow.

it's a guinea pig. which is a rodent.

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TheSilentOne
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30 Dec 2016, 2:47 am

I think I come off as more social online. In person, I am incredibly shy and rarely speak unless spoken to first. I also probably appear higher-functioning online than in person. No one can see me flapping my arms, rocking back and forth all the time, and making little noises constantly through a computer or my tablet. Because of that, I feel more confident. Plus, I think that the people here understand me much more than the people I know in real life, so I'm less afraid to be myself and I come out of my shell (so to speak).

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blackicmenace
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30 Dec 2016, 2:53 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:

Ashariel wrote:

And my own impression was - some kind of animal, a cat I guess? I didn't come to the conclusion that it was scary-looking, just 'weird' somehow.

it's a guinea pig. which is a rodent.

Correction, it was a wet cat. Now it's a guinea pig in a suit of armor, which is nothing short of amazing.

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bowtruckle
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30 Dec 2016, 3:28 am

Speaking of guinea pigs, I have two and they are absolutely adorable!

I feel more welcomed online, like I can join almost any conversation and people care what I say as much as they care what other people say. At school I'm the weird one always one minute behind every conversation, asking unrelated questions and ranting about my opinions on things, and at home and with friends I'm continuously making noises and stimming.

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Kiprobalhato
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30 Dec 2016, 3:34 am

blackicmenace wrote:

Now it's a guinea pig in a suit of armor, which is nothing short of amazing.

he's probably cooking in there, though.

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Ashariel
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30 Dec 2016, 8:46 am

Definitely an awesome guinea pig! Reminds me of a Pink Fairy Armadillo:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pink_fairy_armadillo

Back on topic, I'm realizing that I am capable of learning better social interaction skills online, and that it's possible I might learn to 'connect' better here, in a way that reflects who I truly am, and how I feel - whereas in real life I see that as a hopelessly impossible goal, and so I just keep smiling and nodding and trying to fit in.

bethannny
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30 Dec 2016, 11:32 pm

Ummm.. this varies over the years. I can come across WAY more unstable online than I do in the real world when I feel like venting. I can also come across more together than I actually am when talking to a family member on facebook or such.

Kiprobalhato
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31 Dec 2016, 12:46 am

i could never speak of my struggles to anyone over voice as i could through text.

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Ashariel
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31 Dec 2016, 10:32 am

bethannny wrote:

I can come across WAY more unstable online than I do in the real world when I feel like venting.

Yes. I'm learning not to do that, because it just looks stupidly emotional to other people. The reality is I never lose my temper like that in real life (I generally just hide in a corner and cry) but people online assume I'm this raging monster in real life, which simply isn't true.

Thanks everyone for all the helpful perspectives and insights on this issue!

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