Optimism and Reality: Goldfish21 Response to me

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Totally fine to do a SWOT analysis and know your child as an adult, but I think it's just a dick move to fill a kids head with all kinds of statistics about limitations and lowered expectations etc instead of just letting them be them despite what statistics and averages might say about others afflicted with similar disabilities say. If I were to use examples of other disabled people's lives to help raise my hypothetical child, I'd tell them about Alisa & her successes despite being in a wheelchair due to muscular dystrophy, and Mark with his marriage, children, and business success despite the fact that he is hearing impaired, and hell - even myself, graduating from business school at age 19 despite my ASD I wouldn't know I even had for another 11 years. etc. I wouldn't hinder their potential by bogging their mind down with anything average or negative. Of course I wouldn't want them to feel inferior if they weren't an overachiever of any sort, but I wouldn't fill their head with any crap that could hold them back in any way, shape, or form & I think anyone who's plan is to do that to a child doesn't understand the negative influence they're pedalling.

Can't change the past.. if I could I'd have apprenticed a construction trade right out of high school, too. Ah well, I learned a LOT in business school and have applied various teachings to all kinds of things - including my own health, so no regrets really. I started an apprenticeship this Summer & life will go on, I'll slowly make more and more money, and it will fund my next goals. I'm only 35, not dead. I have decades left to work, build wealth, achieve other goals etc.

I disagree with your disagreement.

The piece of bread remains a piece of bread, buy our perceptions of it may differ completely & thus the reality we form.

You might view that piece of bread as the last bit of food you'll ever have, and it's plain bread, ew gross. What good is it? May as well have nothing. One lousy piece of bread never did anyone any good. No wonder it's what they feed prisoners, just bread and water. I'm pretty much in jail. Can't do a damned thing because all I have is jail food. f**k it, I quit.

And I might view that piece of bread as just enough fuel for me to go forth and work hard, earn some more money, and enable myself to buy a whole loaf! And then from there, the possibilities are endless.. that whole loaf could represent enough chemical energy for me to live the next few days while I work towards bigger better things, like maybe a loaf of bread AND a jar of peanut butter.. and from there, onwards and upwards until I own the bakery.

Here we're talking about bread, the but the classic example is water - glass half empty or half full. Same point.

Different strokes for different folks and all that.

It's just that, IMO, my way is a happier healthier way that achieves better results and a better quality of living along the way.

Your way is much more likely to result in being happy less often & not having nearly as much fun along the way. I wouldn't choose to be in your state of mind over mine.

However, what you think about anything has no bearing on how I think or how I live my life.. so, it is all good. You can be as negative as you want to & I'll just keep carrying on being stoked on life and endless opportunities & abundance instead of anxiety and scarcity.

I don't know the whole history and context of this debate, but from what I'm seeing here - you're simply trying to set realistic goals for yourself, which help you to cope with your ASD issues, and I don't get how that's hurting anyone?

As for how to raise children - no one agrees on that subject anyway, so whatever your philosophy, there will always be others who disagree. It seems to me your intentions are good, in wanting to provide your children with a better chance in life than you had, and I'm not seeing how that's so horribly evil.

It's okay for people to have different philosophies and approaches. I'm more of a 'play it safe' person myself, but am happy the way I am, and don't personally feel the need to 'shoot for the stars'. But to each his own - as long as you're not hurting anyone, it's all good.

We're just debating what are and aren't realistic goals and how our perceptions of reality differ, and thus so does what's realistically achievable for either of us.

True, no one agrees to how to raise kids. I'm an Uncle & Godfather, but as a gay man not very likely to have kids of my own. Even if I were straight I'd question it. I LOVE kids, but I value my freedom to pursue other things in life & appreciate being able to just spoil all the little ones in my life while their parents raise them.

That's another area of debate. Cube's perception is that he'd be preparing a child for realistic expectations out of life. My perception is that he would be harming that child's potential by filling their head with statistics and negativity that only serves to create self perceived limitations.

It's an interesting debate. And I think it's all right to 'agree to disagree' on that issue. Everyone has a different approach to parenting, and in the end you just have to follow your own conscience, and do what you feel is right.

One shouldn't feed kids statistics which point to failure--because they are not what's true, and they'll plant unnecessary (and incorrect) negative input into the kid.

I wasn't raised on "positive thinking." I believe "positive thinking" has its drawbacks, too.

I was raised, rather, on realism, and was taught practical things. I wasn't told that I will, or that I will not, be successful. I was allowed to decide the question of my success for myself. I concluded that nothing will stop me from being an adult in deed as well as in chronological age.

That was really my only "ambition" at age 18-21: to be on my own.

I only went back to college because of the irritation I felt that people thought I lacked intelligence because I was only a clerk.

Many people with ASD do try real hard and still end up with a s**t burrito. Nobody is suggesting ASD people not try. What we are saying and this applies to NTs as well. Access to fortuitous opportunities is not equal for everyone.

What everyone has equal access to is trying.

FWIW I was NOT raised with a bunch of positive affirmations. My mother is more to the negative side of things, and my father is neutral/quiet - but by his actions, which speak louder than words, he makes the most of every situation that he can. I'm fortunate to have had a very positive influence from my next door neighbour, and then have chosen to fill my head with as much positivity as I can on my own.

Among my siblings, our level of success is on a spectrum, from the least successful (myself, being a homeless drug addict on the street) to Ronnie (married, Chief of Surgery at a Medical Center and Associate Professor of Medicine at some college somewhere). The rest of my siblings fall somewhere in the midst of the spectrum.

One thing all six of us had in common is we were all dirt poor, no shoes, no socks on our feet, from a 3rd world country. Ronnie was just exemplary smart and treated his school books with reverence. The rest of us did okay in life with me being at the lowest point.

Optimistically, I hold out hope that my days of being homeless will end, that one of my screenplays will get made into a movie, or one of my books will become a best seller. Reality sinks in when i wake up in my car on early frosty mornings and see I still have a long way to go.

^^^^I would buy your book.

^ Thanks.

My brother is a millionaire. I am a man in debt.

My brother only got his GED. I got my Bachelor's.

Which one? The first book series of short stories, or the second that's about a fictional Aspie?

His autobiography. I would be most avid for that.