Being attractive really is hell...

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Maybe you need to see a specialist councillor who deals with Aspergers, the "person centred" type. Cos I haven't got a clue what you're doing wrong and neither does anyone else here. You need a specialist to point out what you're missing/doing wrong. Maybe someone who will come out with you and hang around with you and your friends as a "friend" and tell you what's really going on.

Oh man, that might be a good idea, I have a friend I could ask. He's never been interested in me, but his friends have been. He's been an impartial observer in these things. We're not close friends though.

I think he's too nice to seriously critique me though. I don't even know if I have the guts to ask him. I'd guess he is totally oblivious anyway. I started a conversation about it, sort of, with him the other day, I was kind of leading in to the subject, testing the waters, but he saw someone he knew and bounded off to say hello to them.

One of my friends asked her husband to critique me. The feedback she got was, he thinks I'd make a good wife in the long run and there's nothing wrong with me. He didn't know she'd tell me, it was an honest opinion.

I can present as an attractive woman if I want to without too much effort, but dress me up another way and I get called "sir" in Ikea.

I think the male gaze considers itself to be refined, but it's usually based on rather superficial and highly alterable cues that don't say much about a person.

For instance I noticed that when I had long hair I got a lot of unwanted attention from men who I didn't know. Sometimes on the street, sometimes at work. Now that I have very short hair I get none of that, but instead I have to listen to males periodically telling me "You should let your hair get long. You looked better like that."

Like, dudes of the world, wtf is so important about hair? It is the most superficial feature of a human's body. You can literally buy nice hair at a store. On a more personal note, it is the biggest turn-off for me to have my wardrobe / makeup / hair dictated to me by someone else. So anyone that hopes to get to know me while starting out like that is SOL.

I have the same problem. As I mentioned above, most women my age I know find me attractive, and make it clear that they do, but are too shy to approach me formally about it. I think they find my haughty demeanor and manners somewhat forbidding.

I prefer to initiate contact myself, anyway, so I suppose it works out okay.

I am a MtF transgender person. I am forced to hide it for various reasons, but I have been taking hormones for over a year now.

I used to be...for lack of a better term...a "neckbeard." I chronically did not take care of myself. Baggy, smelly clothes....dirty, stringy hair....you get the idea.

I finally got fed up with having body image issues and made an effort to fix it, culminating in me beginning to transition.

In reality, I come across like a highly androgynous guy because I hide it. I've discovered that I am considered very attractive. I am told I should model and I get looks and comments all the time. My face and hair look vaguely "famous."

I notice the difference in the way I am treated. It's abundantly clear to me that beauty is an arbitrary birth privilege (augmented by personal effort) that bestows favorable social treatment compared to lacking this privilege. People warm up to you easier. There are all sorts of small, little things that I notice in contrast with my earlier experiences.

I can't speak for the experiences of highly attractive biological women, but in my experience beauty is nothing but advantageous.

Yeah, I have absolutely no compassion for this problem. You get too much attention? Deal with it.

Those of us on the opposite end of the spectrum have to deal with no attention, and we have to deal with that, so tough sh!t.

I intentionally play down my sexual attractiveness by wearing masculine, baggy clothes. Hair in a ponytail. No makup. When I was younger it wasn't always enough but ageing works to my advantage

I do it mainly to be more comfortable in almost-all-male settings, to draw attention to what I say, not to my boobs.

Otherwise, I learn not to care for expectations of other people. It's tricky after decades of masking but it's so liberating

And would you respond well if someone said this to you in regards to the problems you have?

I mean so you don't have a girl friend tough sh*t, I can't relate so you know no one cares about your problems. I don't have to deal with not having a relationship when I want one so guess what tough sh*t...nobody cares.

Do you feel that would be an appropriate response to a thread you might post about struggles you face? I mean big deal you don't relate to the problem the O.P has, doesn't mean you have to invalidate them. Not trying to be an a** but that was kind of an uncalled for mean response for someone who is struggling with a problem they have. And you probably would not like it if someone responded to you that way.

I think single Aspie men on this forum would be interested if you ladies could explain to them the difference between engaging in conversation and harassment.

Given NT males are already hopeless at picking up on cues when to approach a girl without freaking her out you may need to be a little more tolerant of our Aspie brothers who are reluctant to leave home lest they look at a girl the wrong way.

I would like to play the devil's advocate and suggest that many "attractive" women are actually quite intimidating to approach and don't actually get as much male attention as they pretend to claim.

I think what a lot of these posts relate to is "ogling" which can be a little uncomfortable...

That's basically how it ends up being anyway

Yeah sure, but at least you get the good with the bad. If people are 'ogling' at you that way because you're super attractive, you probably don't struggle much with getting a partner when you want one. If that meant unwanted attention too, I'd take that deal over my pathetic status quo.

true, as the song says...there's no aphrodisiac like loneliness....so no arguments there..

However, it must eventually get irritating (unless the girl has high levels of narcissism) to be ogled by every second male (of course lets give some allowance here as most women might have an elevated sense of their own attractiveness).

The simplest way to put it: if you go and start a conversation with a woman and she asks you to leave her alone but you don't, then it's harrasment. If she's made it clear that she doesn't want to talk to you yet you continue doing so anyway and in a sexual way, it's sexual harrasment. If a woman agrees to speak with you but asks you to not to talk like that when the conversation starts to go in to a sexual direction yet you continue anyway, that's sexual harrasment.

And naturally, touching a woman without her permission in any way without a legimate reason is wrong. If she drops something and you can't get her attention with words, a light tap on the shoulder is okay. Same if you want her to move out of the way (in a crowded store or something) and she can't hear you or doesn't realize it's her you're talking to, a light tap on the shoulder or the arm to get her attention is fine. Other than this, you really shouldn't touch strangers... or at least, that's how I'd say it goes here, but our culture is known for a larger need of personal space than many others, so it might go differently elsewhere.

Also, while it's highly unlikely that you'd get sued for catcalling or yelling comments that could be taken as sexual about someone's body in the street, that's also sexual harrasment.

Telling a woman to grow her hair longer, keep it open or wear skirts or something is a bit of a grey area... I wouldn't call these things sexual harrasment, but they're definitely unproper unless you and the woman are close and you know that she won't mind. And in case you "knew" wrong and she minded after all, apologize.



Then can't you just ignore this whole thread? This forum is supposed to be for support, not for putting others down just because you happen to have the opposite problem! If you want to talk about how hard it is for people who are the opposite, do it without belittleling other people's problems like some others here have done.

Yeah I'm sure it would, but I'm also sure that my situation is a lot less preferable to anyone who wants a relationship and so quite frankly, just deal with it. I have to just deal with my misery, so I have no compassion for this.

I'm not saying it isn't a problem, I'm just saying I don't have compassion for it given my problems. To be honest this thread struck a nerve with me if that wasn't already apparent.

Support only means as much as what it can help achieve. I gave my advice in the first comment