Friendships with the opposite sex

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I really enjoy this aspect of ageing

Things get more complicated if that friend has a partner. My boyfriend and I both have friends of the opposite sex. We are open and don't hide things from one another. So far we have no issues with jealousy.

Many things are overlooked or "forgiven" when sex is involved.

And it gets worse with age

My now-husband did the best thing he could do about a girlfriend with many male friends: he made friends with them as well.
Now, we have plenty (well, "plenty" for our introverted standards...) of mutual friends.

This helps. I know or have met a few female friends. I have internet friends who live far away. But we will openly discuss these friendships, so the air stays clear.

I can't imagine staying in a relationship without honesty and trust like that.
I don't talk to my husband about all my internet friendships because he's genuinely uninterested (finds it boring)

We usually pass bits of information we think the other will be interested in. Sometimes stuff the other isn't interested in too

I often overshare in these areas.
My first boyfriend was annoyed at me talking about my relationship, with a male friend they knew each other.

It always seems to cause problems when talking to other men about my partner, sometimes from the partner, sometimes from the male friend. Especially when your environment is too conservative and sex segregation, this often brings trouble.
But my best female friend is not interested in my relationship.

I think I'm often overly obsessed and overanalytical about partner-related information, and so insecure about my analytical abilities for a individual that I want to seek other references.

I know, for me, that I don't like "talking about the relationship." I just like doing things with my girlfriend/wife.

Watch an Ingmar Bergman movie; you will see what I mean. I just can't sit around a table all day talking about "feelings." It's just annoying. I'd rather be out and about, doing things like going to ballgames, going to movies, or for a walk.

I rarely talk about the "relationship" itself. I prefer hard facts to personal feelings (I can't perceive them well). I just want to discuss certain information about the partner with someone I trust. It's more of a special interest.
Although I will try to avoid invading my partner's privacy when I'm sensible and only discuss public information.
And analyzing large amounts of public information at high density still sometimes seems like an invasion of privacy. (At some point I'm really going to do very deep information digging. Sometimes my partner doesn't resent my digging of his information and is willing to talk to me about it, which is really lucky. )

So I've always had a polyamorous tendency, although I don't seem to be able to handle it very well.

We typically don't discuss the relationship. Nor do I generally discuss that with friends. It's other bits of information we share.

It’s seems a lotta of people seem to be ? Not interested in discussing relationship aspects ? Mostly men it seems .
But have known several women whom seem to shy away from discussing it . Not sure I understand this . .?

Female friends who fit the stereotype often seem to share their relationships or talk about their boyfriends.
My college roommates (plural, yes, there are seven in our dorm ) openly gossip about any member's (potential) romance.

But I didn't form friendships with any stereotyped women. I just have some acquaintances like that.

And must men who were willing to listen to my endlessly nonsense about a guy I was interested in turned out to be, in the end, actually interested in me. This would make things rather tricky...and I'm at a loss for what to do. I have lost/hurt several people because of this.

Last edited by SkinnedWolf on 20 May 2022, 9:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

I guess a lot of it depends on the local culture. And I've noticed younger people are often more liberal about these things. And people with bad experiences of unfaithful partners can be pretty wary of possible future dangers for a long time. It can be very hard on the ones who don't get on well with their own gender if they're partnered with somebody who hates it if they're "too friendly" with the opposite sex, because then they're looking at a pretty bleak social future, or a deteriorating relationship with their partner. I guess it's important to anticipate any possible incompatibilities beforehand.

Yes Jakki, I've noticed a general tendency for women to be more interested in talking about relationships than men are, though as you've seen, it depends on the person as well. I don't think I've ever been close to a woman who wasn't interested in relationship matters, but I've only been close to maybe 10 women, which isn't a very big sample size. And relationship issues are rather deep material for the casual banter that usually takes place between people who aren't close.

I don't tend to discuss relationship issues with friends. If there is problem, I discuss it with my boyfriend and we work through it as couple. In the past other people have discussed their relationship issues with me but not so much the other way around. Perhaps that's why those friendships did not last, because it was not reciprocal.