I'm beginning to really dislike this board!

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I just dont want RSI really from typing out stacks of names. Its probably quicker to make a list of people who are not on the list tbh.

Ahem, pardon me, mod coming through...

Hadron- Please don't make inferences about the intellegence of other members. It's not nice and it's against the rules.

Zwerfbeertje- While Hadron is at liberty to express the opinion that some people here use AS as an excuse, identifying individual members would be inappropriate and a violation of the rules.

Thank you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled discussion...

What I find depressing is that it seems so many people on this site have just given up on life.

Look at it logically.

If you try, you might not succeed.

If you don't try, you definitely won't succeed.

Trying offers at least a chance of success... so why not try?

Some of you... no job, little formal education, no social skills and no real effort at gaining them either, no life skills, lonely because you are friendless, depressed because you have no romantic partner and very little probability of attaining one... is this how you want to live the rest of your life?

Why not make a change for the better? Everyone is weak in one thing or another... there's no shame in that. Where the shame comes is when you just give up and let your weaknesses break your spirit and destroy your life.

Why not study the social sciences, to get a theoretical backing of how most people operate? If you can read this post, you can read books on normative psychology, and our culture's sociology. So, why don't you?

Why not learn (and practice, practice, practice!) basic social skills? There are billions of people out there, so why don't you work up the guts to observe how they interact with one another and imitate what you see?

Why not learn some basic techniques to cope with anxiety, so you can better control your own emotions, rather than letting them control you?

Why not learn how to use a checkbook, and how to fill out a simple, individual tax form, if you don't know how already? If you have successfully mastered basic math facts, you can do this. It's really not that hard.

Why not learn how to do a load of laundry? The most difficult things about laundry are not using bleach on anything but the white load, and making sure there are no red articles in with said white load. Unless you are so badly off that you cannot lift 15 pounds, and you cannot walk across the floor... really, what's your excuse? If you have the wit to click reply on this messageboard, type out a coherent thought, and then click submit, you are mentally adept enough at following simple directions to do a load of laundry.

Why not look for a job where you can sit on your butt and stare at a computer screen most of the day? There's a ton of jobs out there like that, and the supply of them is increasing all the time. Yeah, interviews can really suck! However, it's not like you can't improve at it, just as you would any skill!

Seriously... do you want to be in the same position twenty years from now that you are today?

Why not at least try? Really, what do you have to lose?

Last edited by Hazelwudi on 10 Oct 2007, 8:18 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Because the same argument when viewed Negatively instead of Positively reads;

If you try, you might fail and get hurt.

If you don't try, you definitely won't get hurt.

Better to avoid being hurt.


I'm not saying it's a GOOD outlook, but I've caught myself thinking that way more than once!

Wow Some amazing conflict resolution stuff going on.

I agree with you Spaz. Unless I've walked in your shoes, I don't have a clue. Although I share a space on the autism spectrum, I don't know anyone elses circumstances but my own. I do know your light years ahead of me when I was 16. Your ability to communicate your feelings is commendable.

I was unable as a teen and chose to numb feelings with drugs and alcohol. By 19 I was in Alcoholics Anonymous and got guite an education over the next 25 years. I'm still finding areas in which I'm 'growing up'.

I think its super that we can 'practice' the art of communication in what I see as a relatively safe environment, especially when compared to the NT world out there. I'm learning that unless someone specifically asks for help, I will likely withold my version of that 'help'. Yea, I deal with alot of codependency issues too.

Alright then, what hurts more?

Trying and failing, then trying again... or perpetually hiding in your house like a rat in a hole, depressed, lonely, and basically just waiting for the reaper, as some people here do?

The latter is more painful, by orders of magnitude.

Thank you for the tea and biscuits MrMark. They tasted delicious.

Death sounds pretty cool; you can't fail at it forever like the social construct that is "life" when you lack the materials and tools to etch your mark into the monolith.

No one starts life with the materials or the tools needed to etch their mark into the monolith. The only way failing at life forever is guaranteed is if you don't even try.

1. I tried that. It distressed me as I didn't understand why ppl in society and culture do things. And why it's deemed as "the norm". It's not "the norm" for me. It's just stupid (is what I thought while I studied).

2. Aren't we all doing that in one form or another? Surely this site is a way of being social, is it not?

3. I already have a technique. It involves me, my fists, and my head. And if my fists aren't available, the nearest hard surface will do. It's called a meltdown, iirc.

4. You still have to have "people skills" or "customer service skills" or "team player" ethic to get any job it seems. I personally cannot ever get a job that's dependent on interviews, unless it's in the same building as my Auntie who's in management there (it's happened once, I'm never going back. Got fired for wait, you guessed it, NO PEOPLE SKILLS). Sometimes you can't improve your skills. Autism can be one of those times.

5. Sometimes it's inevitable. I work in a bar right now. I can't seem to get any other job or any further than an application form/CV at the moment so no matter how much I will hate it, I'll probably be in the same game.

Hey Hazelwudi, long time no speak.

This monolith I speak of is manmade; of genes rather than jeans. A person born without eyes will be without forever, this analogy is valid as those with autism are lacking in something that cannot be gained. We all lack similar things, the severity of which is what defines our functioning.

I try, I never stop trying and I always fail; repeat ad infinitum. If there's a point to my constant failure, I cannot see it other than telling me what I am and what I'm not. I'm stubborn however in that I never give up, so I continue to try and fall, try and fall and try and fall. It's pretty sad actually concerning the conflicting duality of my personality and my disorder.

I can "pass" at life, I need not write my name with a pen that was forced onto me and I cannot hold it; I can scratch my mark on it, it says the same thing to me: 'This here is me and my mark, not yours.'

OK, I am home! I have the SAME problem. You know, in a normal day, you might think I have social skills. Frankly, *I* think I do rather well. My MAIN problem, as I see it, is more with going farther with women. Women have, at best, treated me as a friend and brother. Oh well, available women to I would like to go farther with, and feel comfortable with, aren't really THAT common.

I TRY to smile, be a part of conversations, work in some jokes, tell anecdotes, give worthwhile help, etc... Oddly, I guess I did all that to try to get social acceptance. I guess that, when all is said and done, I really have been ripped off.

But I guess there is something glaringly wrong with me, because some NTs seem to pick up on it quickly. Recently, when I had to be one of many that introduced myself individually, I was noticably the one that was the most nervous, etc... Of course, in such cases, **I** am always the one following the most noisy of any, have to wait the longest for the room to quiet down, and usually speak into noise or forced quiet. So I am given the least chance. Still, that begs the question of WHY?

Don't get me wrong though. After a few days, the difference is often obvious even to me. At my current position, I now have two cases where others were selected above me, and it was obvious it was due to social skills. The first time, they even told me so. Frankly, if it was my company, One would not have gotten the meaningless title, and the other would have been fired for really not doing work commensurate with the pay. Go figure.

Still, is there something you can do that is in a NON social environment? If you aren't VERY good, you may not get tips, unless you are liked, or the food is good, etc.... Of course, pretty women get tips also. Don't ask me why, but men apparently just have that tendency. HEY, I'm male, and do it, but it doesn't mean I have to understand it. In my case, it doesn't even mean anything socially. If you don't get tips, it can be a nasty job. Still, even NT people have trouble in such places.

As for this site being social? YEP! We have to watch ourselves, turn down certain behaviours, etc... ALL in the hope of getting along. Kind of interesting if you think about it, because most of us may never see one another. I'm on another board with TENS of THOUSANDS. I was there for almost a decade. One quirk of fate fairly recently allowed about 15 of them to see me, and only about 5 actually met me. Otherwise, NONE have knowingly seen me!

Last edited by 2ukenkerl on 11 Oct 2007, 7:03 am, edited 1 time in total.

I get tips because my face is somewhat symmetrical and I'm good at pouring a pint, I suppose.

Well, it HAS been proven that symmetry is a big part of beauty! As for being good at pouring, it helps! Oh well, I'm glad to hear that.

Who is saying they haven't tried? I've beaten being a recluse. I obtained friendship that I never had, and an understanding of how to reciprocate friendship. A romantic relationship is work in progress. I went to university right up to my final year ('formal education' isn't all it is cracked up to be so I have no regrets). I done two businesses plans (not suitable) and will do another when I'm able. I am not depressed in the slightest, if anything I've got emotional blunting. I would quite like to feel sad. Since depression is sum total of the perception of those out of work without a 'tangible' innless (including at of many family doctors), it is kind of expected of you. Studying social sciences can only help you so much. Just read paulo's posts. He studied and taught sociology for many decades, but he his still as isolated well into his 70s.

However that doesn't mean that there aren't possibilities. But first a warning: Trying has failure attached to it. Yes you heard me right. Let me qualify that statement. Generally trying new things can be positive. However blindly trying to do something you're unable is not only going to fail but it is often detrimental. In this super fast age we all expected to put up and 'get well' at the blink of a hat (I like ‘mixed’ metaphors ) to suit someone else’s agenda. Of course all that will happen is you will get trampled on (repeatedly), and effectively self harm. If you were to represent the wall as your problem, if all you focus on is the wall, you will fail. The wall is vast and strong you are not going to push it over, there is no way you would be able to climb it. If you could you do not apply to this analogy. However if you focus on individual bricks and slowly chip away at them, loosen and remove them after a while, although you have only remove some of the bricks, the wall becomes unstable and topples. I faced many walls, the analogy holds true. It is not so much having a fixed idea of what to expect that is what is causing the problem; you have to accept you limitations as well. Trying to get better fast because the government / peers / family / the voice in your head tells you too will only take longer, if not eternity. It is really hard to believe when your there, thank earth I had a good shrink.

In technical language: Standard emersion / aversion techniques have been shown to be far less effective than graduated techniques such as CBT. Naturally there will be some things you cannot change ever but you might not know your limitations yet. There will be other things you will never want to change for the world. To be honest I can't be bothered if people are moaning about ‘scroungers’ and those on health benefits. I hope they get done over, for real. You can't say they didn't ask for it. If the conditions are not there for work and there isn't a serious effort to align with the reality of health problems, then those with their hands on the purse stings are flatly to blame. Possible short term gains, but a massive strap on the economy and a continuing growing health problem. Not less the so called society and work ethic has actually caused much of the health problems, and that includes some neurobiological conditions. Btw I'm not advocating one cause scenarios in the slightest but there has been some evidence to suggest increases in ADHD can be attributed partly to lifestyle.

The shame comes from ‘the bottom line’. I makes me laugh when we describe other animals as destructive.

Ok, I am not 16. I'm guessing someone was on my MySpace, as it says 16. I am a little older than that, but I would rather not post it. As for MySpace, I change my age a lot. for a while it said I was 99.
I have some weird compulsions on MySpace, like changing my display pic. layout, etc. (I have OCD as well as AS)
Anyhow, As far as this thread goes, I'm not arguing anymore. I'm also not posting personal things anymore. I know I can't work, but apparently, people on this board just don't believe me.
I may still come on here to read, but I'm not going to try getting social with people, because it only gets me hurt.

& to answer a few other questions, I do take meds for my anxiety. I just got them back about a week ago. (We had no health insurance or a few months).
& I have always been developmentally delayed. I've always been behind others my age.
Other girls my age would be interested in boys, & growing up, & I still wanted to play dolls. Obsessively. I am still obsessed with dolls. When I was in elementary school, teachers would try to get me to join the other kids, but I didn't want to. I wanted to sit by myself & play with my doll. The other kids picked on me a lot.