When phone callers start with "How are you?"

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Salesman: "Hi... Would you like this phone..."
Me: "Please eat your pancreas." *hangs up*

I always say "I'm fine, how are you". It's not a real question, it's a sort of run-up at conversation. NT's can't just start talking about what they actually want to ask you, they need a sort of warm-up so they have rituals to ease there way into it (at least that's my theory - it explains why they always look so startled and put-out if you actually answer properly or if you skip the exchange entirely). The tricky part is remembering to always say "hi, how are you? .... I'm fine thanks" before launching into what I actually want to know and then remembering to say goodbye afterwards (even if the conversation is clearly finished they still need the ritual).

The only problem with this is that sometimes people are genuinely asking and I can't tell (or I realise 10 seconds too late) so they still get the stock response. I have, on more then one occasion, said "I'm fine, how are you" while literally dripping blood on the floor and then mentally slapped myself across the back of the head for being an idiot (I would have literally slapped myself across the head but getting blood in your hair is totally gross).

Last edited by Jayutimestwo on 27 Dec 2007, 6:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't have a problem with this.

Tim

Jayutimestwo, I really like the idea that this is a ritual that NT's need to feel comfortable. Sort of makes me feel like *I'M* not the freak

I made it a habit to say "I'm OK." whenever someone asks me how I am. Then I'll wait for them to start talking about why they contacted me in the first place.

If it's somebody you don't know, they probably want to sell you something.

I usually answer; "I'm okay, just been *mundane activity here*. How have you been?" Then they tell me how they are, and then I say "Good to hear" or something that's specific to what they had to say.

Franklin Roosevelt used to get that a lot at functions and parties. He would answer, "My Grandmother just died", and watch people respond with "That's Wonderful!", or "I'm so glad"..

It's just a protocol for connecting to another party. Just say 'fine', it doesn't mean anything. A lot of NT conversation is just empty phrases, anyways..

I was at a rock and roll dance (in a previous life LOL) and an acquaintance asked me, "How are you?" To which I replied, "Well, my mum died two weeks ago, so I'm still a bit....well, you know....".

He didn't believe me! "Then why are you here?!?" he gasped.

What was I going to do? What period of time should I have left prior to leaving the house after mum's death? Was two weeks too little?

I digress.

What I should have said to him was "Oh, I'm fine, how are you?" and left it at that.

No-one really wants to hear how another person is.

Unless they're Aspies, that is.... Then the questioner knows they will receive a fairly detailed response.

Fiona

Are you serious? He really did that? That's awesome!



Yup. I still can't bring myself to say that back (and wouldn't pull it off right anyway, I'd need a LOT of practice with mulitple people to maybe learn to do it.) If I ask how someone is, it's because I want to know how they are.

I love this question. It took me a long time to figure out you weren't supposed to actually answer it. When I finally did, it was during the short few months I worked as a waitress, which was a horrible job for me. I kept getting really weird looks from customers for actually telling them how my day was before taking their order, so I finally settled on "I can't complain, no one would listen anyway," which they thought was waitress humour instead of my actual answer. I also had a problem in high school with "What's up" and variations on that theme. People would come up and ask me that, and I'd automatically respond with something like "the roof", which again they fortunately wrote off as humour.