Female Friends

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I'm a guy and I have more female than male friends. probably because it was my female classmates that stuck up for me against bullies. I have also noticed that women tend to respect me because I treat them as human beings instead of befriending them just to get into their pants and then dispose of them like too many guys my age do.

I didn't see anything particularly strange about your writing. Typically, we capitalize the word "I" (for some strange reason), but a whole lot of people don't do that while typing on the internet. (Which is another thing I don't understand, because people never, ever used to make that mistake. Nowadays, so many people do that it's hardly noticeable at all.) It's no big deal, though, on a forum like this. Hardly worth mentioning.

But don't worry, tomamil. Your writing is fine. And I wish I was able to learn three languages!! ! I took a few years of college-level Spanish, and it's all I can to do just recognize it when I hear it spoken, let alone be fluent in it. I took two years of French in high school, and on the last week, the teacher put on a record of an actual native French speaker speaking French (the teacher was Chinese-American). We all just looked at each other in disbelief. It didn't sound like anything we had ever heard, and most of us couldn't understand any of it at all. So, I admire anyone who can learn even one foreign language, let alone multiple.

What a bunch of sexist crap. Women have smaller brains because they have smaller bodies. Average IQ is identical, males just have a slightly greater range of IQ scores, probably because we have only one X chromosome. Your actual knowledge about male-female brain differences is nonexistent, as shown by your false and fallacious "thought vs. emotion" false dichotomy.

Men are more prone to many genetic disorders (X-linked) than women and women have a higher tolerance for physical pain than men. The former because women have two "X" chromosomes and any X-linked traits are often diluted or not shown because of it, though we can still be carriers of some things. This can make it difficult for girls to get diagnosed with things like Fragile X (or autism, or ADHD) because these things show up more often in males. Not that ASDs or ADHD are X-linked-- that's never been proven. Fragile X is obviously X-linked. As for the pain thing, it's a baby thing.

But that was my obsessive side talking. Sorry. Sometimes I want to stuff her into a sack or something.

On to the topic (if I can remember it). Oh, yes. Is it harder to make friends with girls? Speaking as a girl, I say yes. Girls play these weird, social mind games. If girls don't like you, they can be really sneaky and hard to figure out about it. Made me a perfect person to bully in school. I figured that since these girls would talk to me, they liked me. Really, they just liked to torture me. I didn't see it. Still don't. Boys were more straightforward. They would tell me to go away, call me names that even I knew weren't nice, and would throw things at me. Even I picked up on that. And I think they are more straightforward about friendship as well. And as people have said, boys are more likely to do things. Girls are more likely to talk. Now, I love to talk. "Marked verbosity", oh yeah. I have never had a problem reaching a page count in a school paper. My seventh grade teacher actually closed my mouth with duct tape. But girls talk in a different way. Gossip. Small talk.

Most of my good friends have been guys. My best friend now is a guy (atypical, musical-singing guy, but still a guy). Any good girl friend I have had has not been NT. But I can understand why guys have trouble being friends with girls, at least "typical" girls. They are strange and difficult to deal with and predict. OK, so am I, but in a very different way. Just know guys, that not all girls are that hard to deal with. We're not all sneaky and manipulative. And know that most girls drive some girls crazy!

Having been single for 5 or so years, making female friends is quite difficult because I end up getting very emotionally attached and end up scaring them away. I want that companionship again, and I end up getting too eager and moving too fast.

Most of my friends are female. Could have to do with me being a female as well. Hmm.

no and no

I only have one female friend at the moment. But I find girls easier to talk to sometimes, usually cos I know nothing about cars or rugby or whatever tradie jobs guys are always talking about. Girls are more likely to talk about a wider range of subjects (the people i know anyway) which makes it easier for me.

Some guys are like that too but not as many. They have a more... narrow range of interests. Now where have i heard that before!

I wish I had more female friends.

5 simple guides to meeting women friends (or guy friends if you're a girl)

1. Avoid big groups of people: competition is a real pain. All kinds of guys are looking to step on you to move their way up and get the girls to like them more than you. Sometimes you can form subgroups out of these groups but it rarely works that way. Small groups of people work much better. For example after school clubs are a great way to meet women (with some exceptions). Its also good to go for a group that has a strong sense of goals, if you share those goals it will be easier for you to connect with them through common interest.

groups to go for:

after school clubs, political groups, small social groups of people

groups to avoid:

Large groups and organized cliques. supprisingly enough, especially nerd groups. They have very low men to women ratios and as a result tend to get the hierarchy conflict I talked about above. Fratenities and jock culture groups are also hard places to meet women unless you really good at being flexible with group expectations and can handle a lot of physical communication. For most people with AS though, I'd just avoid them.

2. Next, find out what are your strengths and how can I make them overshadow my flaws: Believe me I have plenty of flaws as a person with AS. How did I solve my problem, well I took my loud tone of voice and I learned to work it in a comical display. I also used my angry tone of voice with my loudness for debate team so that would also work toward my advantage (its not perfect however, I have a hard time being around people I can't make laugh because they can't tolerate my tone of voice.) Find the same thing for you. Learn how to transform your weaknesses into strengths. Best part of all, when people get to know you as a fun person, they may not even realize you have aspergers until you tell them. Again, avoid big groups of people because they tend to give out roles to the people who are "supposed to be funny" in their mind.

3. Practice body language: Learn to keep eye contact. THIS IS IMPORTANT. If you cannot keep eye contact with a person, they will think you don't care about what they have to say. Women are people so naturally, they want other people to care about what they have to say. Don't look at them though the corner of you eyes. Your head and neck, as well as most of your torso, if not all, should be facing toward the person your talking to.

4. Share the air time: Let her talk, don't turn this into a conversation about only you. You care about meeting HER right? Well then let her introduce herself. Give her a lot of room to talk, but respond to what she has to say as well. She needs to know that you are interested in what she has to say.

5. Finally, don't get hung up on one woman: If one person doesn't like you, its not your problem. You tried to be nice and they couldn't return the courtesy of being nice back. You don't need friends of either the opposite or same sex who don't respect you. Keep looking and have faith in yourself.

Hope this helps