Female Aspies? a different presentation?

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millie
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26 Jan 2009, 2:32 pm

Quote:

AmberEyes wrote:

Back to the Asperger's Syndrome and Girls article referenced:

"In elementary school, these girls often cope by finding one good friend. This friend is often kind and motherly, and her friendship is a lifeline to the girls with Asperger's Syndrome. In fact, if she moves away, it has devastating consequences."

I wonder if there’s a kind of Ying and Yang type relationship going on between AS and “Agony Aunt” motherly type girls here?

I believe that the character traits in one girl compliment and assist the character traits in other. I think it can work both ways.

I don't think that it is always has to be a one way relationship like the article seems to imply. I believe that sometimes the AS girl, if given the chance, can help out the “Agony Aunt” girl too!

If AS girl has a strong academic, artistic or science orientation she could help the “Agony Aunt Girl” with finding information on assignments/specific topic of interest.

In exchange, the “Agony Aunt Girl” could comfort the AS girl emotionally when things got tough and with making friends.

So, very generally the personality profiles are:

AS Girl
High Intrapersonal Intelligence (High Self awareness)
Low Interpersonal Intelligence (Low Social awareness)

Socially inward looking
Focus on self inrospection and the physical environment

High systematic intelligence/ability/eye for detail

“Agony Aunt” Girl
Low Intrapersonal Intelligence (Low Self awareness)
High Interpersonal Intelligence (High Social awareness)

Socially outward looking
Focus on people and social relationships

High emotional intelligence/ability

These personality profiles and character traits seem to be direct opposites of each other and can therefore compliment each other (if given the right environment and support).

That’s just my take on the whole thing from my own personal experience.
Other people's experiences may be different.

i think one has to caution also, against the assumption that all people with AS are in fact introverted. I am quite weird here. i am a publicly stimming leader who draws people along because of my manic enthusiasm and child like wonderment in my special interest areas. it pulls people in. i was not like this in the first half of my life in the world beyond the family, but i was like this in the family realm. i was a strange blend of obsessive drive and introversion and the obsessive drive - coupled with that verbal articulation some of us have when we are on a roll with our special interests - well, that means i do not fit the traditonal intoversion that is often referred to .

i watched a vid on youtube of glenn gould talking with animals. it reminded me of aspects of me and how my family of origin know me.
thy guy is a frigging beauty and i watch him often and it makes me feel like crying because he is so cool.
his chair is the best thing a grwon man could ever have. (his dad made it for him when he was a kid.) and the fact he carried it everywhere with him with utter disregard for social convention - well that gets the maximum 5 STARS in my book. if you are not familiar with glenn gould - do yourseleve a very lovely favour.

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AmberEyes
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26 Jan 2009, 2:48 pm

millie wrote:

i think one has to caution also, against the assumption that all people with AS are in fact introverted.

I agree.
No two people are the same.

I used to be extroverted, but I had many of my "inappropriate" behaviours trained out of me. I still extroverted am on stage on when I have to speak in depth about a topic publicly.

However, in an informal, unpredictable chatty situation I am definitely introverted. People are often surprised when I revert to my shy mode after a presentation when they chat to me.

I wonder if some females are in fact frightened into a state of introversion after they've faced bullies/authority figures who disapprove of their social behaviour?

If what happened to me is true for others, then I find that very sad indeed.

millie wrote:

i was a strange blend of obsessive drive and introversion and the obsessive drive - coupled with that verbal articulation some of us have when we are on a roll with our special interests - well, that means i do not fit the traditonal intoversion that is often referred to .

So were many of the girls I used to know. They definitely weren't incapable, just shy in very crowded social situations.

Remove the crowds/social pressures and ask them to talk about their favourite subjects at length and suddenly they'd come across as very confident, bold and enthusiastic.

Perhaps some people just function better in less crowded and more understanding environments?

poopylungstuffing
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26 Jan 2009, 2:54 pm

Though by typical standards, I might seem like an introvert, by "aspie" standards I am more of an extrovert, I guess.
As a kid I was very eccentric and had no sense of boundaries. As an adult, I definitely know boundaries, and am compelled to be more extroverted than I would otherwise be because of my unique position of running a venue.
I do have the "childlike enthusiasm" thing going for me as well.

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AC132
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26 Jan 2009, 2:59 pm

Thanks Millie! It is like we can converse in our own language here, breathe the right mix of air. I've posted more times here it two days than I have on all the forums I've frequented for years.

millie wrote:

but i came to WP because i was read to neck myself and the people i knew didn;t seem to have a clue about what i was trying to tell them regarding my life and how i live insdie of myself.

I hope that you have been able to find a place of peace - of your posts that I've read, you are an amazing person, with wonderful insight.

"How I live inside of myself." That is such a beautiful and eloquent statement and it resonates with me very deeply.

Last edited by AC132 on 31 Jan 2009, 1:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

AC132
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26 Jan 2009, 3:12 pm

AmberEyes wrote:

Remove the crowds/social pressures and ask them to talk about their favourite subjects at length and suddenly they'd come across as very confident, bold and enthusiastic.

Perhaps some people just function better in less crowded and more understanding environments?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!! !! My poor family know that to their cost, get me started on one of my topics and I'm off. So do co-workers at my old place of work (small office for many years), my manager there was interested in my weird hobbies (it was the reason I got the interview in the first place - I stood out from the pack).

I can talk the hind legs, fore legs, head and tail off the donkey if you give me the right platform. The passion comes roaring out!

millie
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26 Jan 2009, 3:16 pm

Quote:

AC132 wrote:

Thanks Millie! It is like we can converse in our own language here, breathe the right mix of air. I've posted more times here it two days than I have on all the forums I've frequented for years.

millie wrote:

but i came to WP because i was read to neck myself and the people i knew didn;t seem to have a clue about what i was trying to tell them regarding my life and how i live insdie of myself.

Suicidal depression is something I can relate to. It dogged me for 15-20 years, but in the last few years (coincidentally, the timing roughly matches when I realised I had AS), it has lifted and I feel better about myself and my place in this world than I ever have. I hope that you have been able to find a place of peace - of your posts that I've read, you are an amazing person, with wonderful insight.

"How I live inside of myself." That is such a beautiful and eloquent statement and it resonates with me very deeply.

i feel very good about this. it is nice you are finding some identification and peace. it is really great.

as for you AmberEyes...what can i say? i like reading everything you post.

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AmberEyes
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26 Jan 2009, 3:39 pm

millie wrote:

as for you AmberEyes...what can i say? i like reading everything you post.

Thank you

For starting this thread.
I'm grateful.
I'm very sorry to hear about your past experiences.
Some of my friends felt the same way and yet from the outside there didn't seem to be any problem as such. If others can read what we've posted here and feel a little better about themselves, that's all to the good.

I have learned a lot just by thinking things through and posting on here. I have a lot of revelations.

I hope that some of our comments and experiences are helpful to other females who might be confused about what they're going through. Some have very little proper practical support.

Somebody needs to make this thread a sticky already!

Morgana
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27 Jan 2009, 10:01 am

millie wrote:

This is a perfect description of me as an adult. However, as a child I was the stereotypical quiet, passive, shy loner kid. So, I´ve been at both extremes! But part of the reason I became more outgoing was because I made a concentrated effort to do so. When I was a child, I almost never talked about my special interests to anyone, because I just didn´t talk all that much. (Another reason why I wonder if AS can be missed: maybe sometimes outsiders don´t recognize a child´s intense, narrow interests if they are all in their head?)

I have never heard of Glenn Gould, but I´ll try to check him out...

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Morgana
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27 Jan 2009, 10:03 am

millie wrote:

as for you AmberEyes...what can i say? i like reading everything you post.

Same here.

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AmberEyes
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27 Jan 2009, 4:22 pm

Morgana wrote:

So, I´ve been at both extremes! But part of the reason I became more outgoing was because I made a concentrated effort to do so.

I've definitely been to both extremes.

I've been a complete failure both socially and academically.
I've also been a great success socially (in my own way) and academically.

I've oscillated between these two states depending on the social environment I've been in.

I'm never nicely in-between average ever.
It's as if my brain detests the notion of "average".

I either have to be a specular success or a spectacular failure.
There's no in-between.

I "crash and burn".

I wonder if this is symptomatic of an extreme personality?

And thanks

Morgana
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28 Jan 2009, 11:54 am

Yeah, I have the feeling that people either love me or they hate me. I seem to invoke rather extreme reactions in people, starting from when I first made that effort not to be shy anymore, back in Junior High. I´m not quite sure why either, what it is actually that I am "doing" to cause that. It must be something positive, but also negative, to get both extremes like that....strange.

Actually, this just gave me an idea about a new thread I want to start sometime. (Which is related, but not exactly that).

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orngjce223
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28 Jan 2009, 12:24 pm

I had two coping mechanisms: withdraw all the way into work or be the clueless-class-clown type. I alternated between the two and so some teachers would consider me a tomboy, others would consider me to be well-disciplined, and yet others would assume I had multiple personalities.

Trouble is with the executive functioning stuff. Homework is still difficult to find/complete, especially when everyone "just knows" about it. I am often the last to know about such things.

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oblio
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03 Feb 2009, 4:07 am

neshamaruach wrote:

millie wrote:

Quote:

garyww wrote:

I can't believe I missed this thread. This is the best and deepest postings I have ever seen and addresses issues in dozens of other threads. I hope this one stays on top where it belongs.

why of course gary...i started it!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! :wink:

I was gonna say that, but I thought I'd give you the honors! :salut:

eh...., do i have to look back at the start of the thread... (NO)

true, millie...

the main body of this entire discussion in my mind consists of
- this thread ' by' Nesha,
- and the Self one (' yours'),
but previous to both i believe came
- the famous What finally made sense-thread (Nesha again i believe)
- i know i am missing one more
(did not Mitheratowen add one??)

you alright bytheway Mithera?, i worry, but try to stay out of the Haven!

plus there seem to be a number of short ones appear like spin-offed lately

you girls are keeping me way to busy on content
with sebbie nagging (not) in my ear to pay attention and learn computing and stop babbling so incessantly

(he dont realize it may way of keeping RL contact confirmed)... &:
he dont realize boyz babble too: it called computer talk (lots of that on computer forum) strange phenomenon: comping babble rarely computes!!

life is a diffi cult i say

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Zev
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03 Feb 2009, 7:05 pm

I read somewhere that an adult woman with aspergers can appear outwardly well adjusted and 'normal' whilst dying inside. so well do we mirror NT's and cover up our own social inneptitude.

Copying somone elses speech and mannerisms does not mean that they are instinctive reactions or that we understand why we are behaving in this way. it only means that such behaviour has proven to be successfull in the past.

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MishLuvsHer2Boys
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03 Feb 2009, 9:52 pm

I have Tony Atwood's book, "Asperger's and Girls." Very good read, I'd recommend it.

melissa17b
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04 Feb 2009, 4:42 pm

Learning what behaviours are successful and which are not, and refining my data-collection-and-analysis application of how to act when, is an ongoing process, and a difficult one at that. What is worse is that no matter how much experience I gain doing this, I still am generally guessing as to what exactly a person is feeling, so even if I knew the right response, I may misread the situation and still respond inappropriately. Topping it off, even if I know how and have the presence of mind to respond "properly", actually delivering the response so that it "comes off" as I intended is hit-or-miss at best.

My most effective compensatory measure is to limit my most important interactions to people that understand my difficulty in this area and don't hastily react to my unexpected responses, as they know that I do not deliberately try to offend people or put them off in any way.

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