I want to be cured.

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The ThisIsNotMyRealName-Terminator-robot.



I suppose the cure want affect that, but I've always been interested in non-people things, so I'll pass on the cure.

There are some aspects of myself I would like to fix. If given a choice of being totally cured or being the way I am, I would rather be the way I am. Too much of the parts about me I like would be gone/

In other words, enough work's already been done in that direction. Certainly, if that work's paid off in terms of a decent career and a satisfiying life, then maintaining those things calls for a switch in focus to life's more practical issues.

There's something I'm not understanding here, though, and it may mean that I've been misdiagnosed and am really just an emotional mess rather than being 'different' {My family history includes schizophrenia and alcoholism; nothing that looks like autism; I wasn't diagnosed until I was 20 despite seeing a psych @ 14.}

Let me give an example - An autie or aspie might say that saying 'hello; how are you' convincingly is a coping ability they developed, and that they still feel as if they're spouting absurd gibberish while you're making such small-talk. But for me, NTs, and (I would argue) many of us whose AS is milder, our whole sense of self is bound up in the intangible meanings of these greetings if we're feeling confident and mature. And of course children generally feel the same about those adult-type behaviours as my hypothetical autie; their identity simply changes to fit the behaviour as they grow up.

What I mean is that as I developed socially, I didn't feel there was any 'me' left over behind the skills; I just felt that I was expressing myself better and maturing. The difference between me and others was that I didn't trust these changes to happen, but tried to force and control them, which often made me too tense to express them even once integrated. I feel there may be a dividing line here, where external 'coping' abilities spill over into NT-style development. Or it may be that I just don't have a strong sense of 'me/my reality' and that this is either a weakness or a lack of indoctrination into culture-specific ideas of what we all are.

If my first theory is right, maybe in the future, when AS is relegated from 'flavour-of the month' diagnosis as ADHD was, us 'mild AS' people would be reclassified as NTs with poor social intelligence. After all, if we identify more with the NT world at a gut level, maybe we don't belong with those many autistics who clearly feel fundamentally independent from ordinary human reality.

Keep in mind that sterotypical 'life-goals' for NtTs and AS types are generally fairly different. For instance a 'good career' to me means something far different than it does to my brother who is NT. Likewise a satisfying life to me is significantly different than it is for my wife who is also an NT.
On the other hand there are a lot of unconventional NT's who also share my same value systems about things like this so I don't see how these 'external' things actually relate to being AS.

Another thing - I feel that for those of us who have toyed with the idea of normalising ourselves, our personality and sense of self appears to be something that can be roughly translated into any neurological language; British readers think 'Doctor Who'. For that reason, I've never disliked everything about myself; I've always appreciated my energy and sense of humour and so on (though I haven't got round to expressing them here ). I just sensed that my AS - an aspect of me for sure - involves gaps, blocks, and distortions to who I would otherwise have been.

There are probably many ways to solve this. Personally, I have coped without having to force alien behaviors onto myself. That means that I only use as much social chit-chat as is absolutely necesary to the situation. I will answer on questions in adequate ways, but I will not initiate it in the usual way myself. I have also developped my own self so I'm viewed as something like a "cute oddball". There is usually no need to fit in perfectly, and most NTs accept some kind of diversity in social responses. The one's that don't, well, pity on those, as I just ignore them. When I was in my 30s I often had to rely on "left-brain-prebuilt-responses", but for some reason I can now function pretty well without that. Most people here are in their 20s, or even younger, and thus have no idea of how they would function in their 40s.



I can identify with that. There are some things that are not only alien, but also contra-intuitive and governed by negative instincts, that I simply cannot do. I've built strategies so I never have to use these responses.

As long as you pull your weight and contribute something useful It's more Personality Type than conditions like autism that determine what one actually wants from life, though - Autism appears (from earlier threads) to cut straight across several Myers-Briggs types, atleast. As you said,

Well brother, whining about getting cured is not going to do you any good. We are not at the point where we can cure downs syndrome, let alone something like autism. So what you have AS. I know it's hard, it's so damn hard to deal with life this way. It's depressing thinking that I could spend the rest of my life alone without a girlfriend or any romantic connection. It's depressing that I have disadvantages in life that I know are not understood. It's hard not having friends, only now have I even started to be able to form somewhat close friendships, and it's been straining to do so. I was homeschooled, so I too missed out on highschool although I think I am pretty lucky there. I'm going to a small college now and it's alright, if nothing else you are working towards a goal- a way to make a living. I hope to become a lawyer as unrealistic as that may be, as my strengths lie in verbal communication. What I will tell you is, use your AS traits for an advantage and try your hardest.

90 percent of my negative symptoms disappeared after going on a gluten-free diet. My positive symptoms remained (hyper-focus, analytical mind).

Not only that, but the entire "Big Five" personality test collapses when run in Aspie-quiz. What happens is that the Aspie and neurotypical factors remain almost unchanged, while none of the personality-factors in the Big Five survives. Instead, 2-3 of them have strong correlations to groups in Aspie-quiz. Extrovert is strongly related to NT social, neuroticisim is strongly related to environmental problems (of having ASD traits) and another factor is strongly related to activity pattern (ADD/ADHD).

I would like to see some explanation for this by the curebies that see ASDs as not related to personality.

Damn, I didn't foresee that phrase being read the wrong way round - What I meant was that my sense of self was invested in the learned behaviour I practiced (like water flowing down a new irrigation channel), not that it was destroyed by it!

The behaviour of others never seemed alien to me while I was growing up, although in classes of 14-year-old boys it was often negative - It felt as if it came from somewhere buried deep within me, even though I wasn't often a part of it. I never did join those arguments about which video-games were best, but now that I'm an adult I don't need to do that in order to fit in somewhere, since it's recognised that doing that won't come naturally to every1, for obvious reasons



I've already said that I fully project my sense of 'my reality' into small-talk, which I generally enjoy and find meaningful in a round-about way. I'm like you if the conversation turns to something like football though



Thnks for that rdos, since it's generally assumed that everyone simply functions worse and worse after they turn 21 (I'm 30 in Feb, btw)!

Fine. Do whatever you want. Just don't use broad-sweeping generalizations like this. You'll just get people mad at you.

Also, I see you and other people talking about how 'wonderful' it would be to be 'normal'. If I woke up one morning and was given the choice between having aspergers and not being able too see as clearly, hear as much, or think the same way but have the *AMAZING* ability to sit and have boring conversations with people I don't really care about, I think I'd choose the aspergers.

I'm not dumping on normal people, here. I'm sure normalcy is really wonderful. And if you want to be that way, then good for you. But I've always been an aspie, and waking up one morning and not seeing the leaves before the trees, or not getting that feeling of satisfaction every time I keep a friend after working harder then most people to keep, or not thinking of just the coolest subjects in the universe would be boring. What about the little things? The small details? Countless other little joys that I wouldn't get to have as a normal person?
I love my life, and even if I don't get to do 'normal' things, what I get instead is pretty damn good, too.

(Do I sound like a pessimist to you?)

I don't wish to be cured myself. I've learned to adapt to the outside world, and my AS is a part of who I am. If I wasn't an aspie, I wouldn't be able to think outside the box, and do my own thing, so to speak. However, if you wish to be cured, I don't have a problem with that.

Last edited by CockneyRebel on 05 Jan 2009, 10:37 am, edited 1 time in total.

"I like being an Aspie because I have a special talent" is almost as bad as "I don't want to be an Aspie because I don't have any special talents." I don't think talent should have anything to do with it. People shouldn't be judged by what they're good at.

But in a modern western economy, as many as possible of us to be good at something; any1 left over survives on the compassion of a productive majority. As some1 once said, 'To each according to his need; from each according to his ability'. We don't need to judge the talentless (if there really are such people) in some kind of Judaeo-Christian way, but we can atleast see them for the less-integrated machines they must be, and act on our natural empathy as the economic situation sees fit {In desperate societies, the weak perish}.



Not every1 is as sensible, responsible, and composed as you are, Callista, and that's not just because we're bad people as you imply. Temperament has something to do with it, but would you still love your life if you weren't talented, or if you lacked your technical focus and interests? Or would you kick against every obstacle you came across?

I wager you see no appeal in punk rock, and that punk rock fans (I'm not one by the way) would find much that doesn't appeal to them in you

By the way, google '"John Elder Robinson" tms' for an example of an aspie who's successful and contented, yet still interested in what it might feel like to be NT.

Last edited by undefineable on 04 Jan 2009, 2:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The only thing I don't like about the AS side of me is the social awkwardness. That is the only thing I wouldn't mind getting rid of... However, I still wouldn't, as it is a part of who I am.