proud aspies really anger me

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Changed my mind. Im proud of the fact that i had to work hard to learn how to survive (including using devious look out for yourself methods that NT's use as the norm) and it didnt just come naturally. Still wish i didnt have it though and wouldnt want to pass what i have went through down to further generations. That's not a judgement on Aspies who do wish to have kids, some of them raise a happy family im sure.

SB2, i hope we arent going to let our little disagreement ruin our relationship. I can see how the post would have angered people when i read it again as it does seem to ask people to be ashamed possibly. I still think AS is a disability though and something i wouldnt rather have.

I don't think AS is something to be proud of, but I don't think it's something to be ashamed of either. I am who I am, but at the same time I am willing to change the parts of me that need to change to live a better life. I am constantly trying to improve my social skills because social skills are important no matter how much some people with AS try to deny it.

I think that if people with AS either are too proud of it or too ashamed of it, they are likely to have an unsuccessful and unhappy life. I will explain why.

The people who are too proud: These people often refuse to believe that they have problems or weaknesses to work on. They think that it is society who holds the blame for their difficulties, and they don't have to do anything (example: 'it is everyone else who has the problem, not me'). They don't hold themselves accountable, and therefore, they do not have to take responsibilty. With this sort of attitude and outlook, things are highly unlikely to improve for them.

The people who are ashamed: These people often look at AS as some sort of death sentence will only make matters worse for themselves. They will get depressed and hopeless. Just like those who are too proud, they take no responsibility for their own happiness and success. As toonaspie said, 'I am not proud of the fact that I have to be a loner...' No one has to be a loner. A person chooses to be a loner. People with AS are more likely to naturally be loners, but we can learn how to not be a loner. Each person needs to make the decision: Do I choose to do what is easy and fail at my chance for success, or do I choose to go out of my comfort zone and make myself succeed? Things do not improve unless people are proactive in trying to fix what they are not good at.

On a somewhat similar note to the AS pride thing... More than anything else, I hate when some people with AS (it's only a rare few) think they are superior to NTs. Most often I see the 'we are more intelligent than they are' attitude. That is not true! We are not better than NTs, and NTs are not better than us. We are just different. We might generally be better at memorising information about our interests and remembering facts, but there are different kinds of intelligence. In certain things, such as executive functioning, street smarts, etc., NTs are generally much better than weare at those things. Both types of intelligence are just as important as each other.

I do think there is a distinction between autistic pride (in the sense of "having a sense of dignity as one is") and autistic supremacy (in the sense of "rule the planet" or whatever). I think too often people see the word "pride" as the sinful (don't know the non-religious words for it at the moment) version of pride. The sinful version of pride means a certain kind of self-elevation that is wrong (both in terms of ethics and reality), but is not the same as having a sense of dignity about the sort of person one is. When people talk about "autistic pride" I think they're mostly talking about the sense of having dignity/worth/etc sort, not the sinful distorted sort. Although certainly some people can also be arrogant and awful with it, but that goes for anything.

Okay folks, you can attack me.

Because to be honest I did not care or thought about how others would respond to this. I did not think about those who use Asperger's Syndrome strictly as a means up keeping themselves up and not down. I did not think about the distance between me and passing the line of personal attack.

Fine...I'm sorry...whatever.

But contrary to what SB2 said in one of his earlier posts, I do not run around Asperger Communities telling people to feel miserable about themselves. If you look at my other posts, you'd know that I enjoy stating my opinion and getting everyone's unique perspective on it and it has only been a few weeks since I joined. To be honest I have placed my anger on this community knowing you (the entire WP group) were not the cause of this venting. I was actually angered by some stuff I read in a different Asperger commuity and chose to take it out on this group instead of that group. I apologize who were really pissed off by my remarks. Ive also made the mistake of believing that there is a strict code of Aspie thinking. Yet alot of people still have varied opinions and ways of thinking even if they are all far from what I believe.

Anyways, in the short time I started this thread, it was wrong of me to only use "you" and "you only think that way", since this was supposed to be an opinion post like my other have been, but I wrongfully let my anger and frustrations at some of the stuff I have been reading get in the way. I was also rushed into getting this post written and up so I could see what varying opinions waited for me when I got back.

I'm really not gonna go any farther into this. I've been struggling to find the right words to say to everybody but I will only be accused of contradicting myself no matter what I say.

"I am a selfish whiny little Aspie who feels sorry about herself and greedily wants people to feel miserable so that they can pity her and be sympathetic toward everything she's gone through."

If I want to be that way then I will, whether or not I can help it, I will be selfish at times.

Toonaspie - you and I are on the same wavelength. I fully agree with you.

The problem is, there is absolutely no point on wasting your insights in these forums as I've discovered. Most people on here are cyber-narcissists, having a great orgy of "roflmao" and other such trash. I mean seriously, peoples' posts number in their thousands - enough said.

As far as cure, I think it's a combination of some things. Number one is knowledge. I recommend psychologists (NOT psychiatrists!) & self-help books. Knowledge in the field of your inner-self first and then interaction with others' inner-selves.
Then (and this is where I am at the mo - struggling but trying) you need to start "mirroring" others and interacting with them. This is very hard and requires a lot of courage. It's like your practical examination into life - but not just 3 hours - more like three years.

Anyway, I seriously hope you find a way comrade. Some of us feel the pain of loneliness and it's a pain that's hard for others to understand.

Listen here captain brainless. I dont care how long youve been here, I have more posts than you so you're still a noob. Believe me im not sheltered. Ive seen things that would make you squirm on your seat as you type this in your parents basement. I hope you havent forgotten your place as well as your password , dweeb.

Bye then.

I agree that everyone has their right to their own opinion. If someone loves being 'different' along with the good, bad, and ugly, as long as they aren't real high maintainance or aren't making life much harder on other people (doing extremely rude things) because of it then it's not an issue IMO. However I'm sure there are a lot of shadow aspies like myself who are almost NT, have most if not all the social desires and attitudes that an NT would have, and for us to really have what we want in the NT world would just require us putting the last few finishing touches on ourselves... problem is nature has a lid on us where we're kept right below that point, the carrots dangling right where we can almost taste it, and with no cure or no means to break that least biological barrier we'll be hovering out in the limbo of almost for the rest of our lives. Being that its almost impossible to be truly happy with AS at that point (unless you've really found what you need in life) and being that AS is at that point more a disability than the real you, I really can't see the crime in comming up for an aid for people who are in that position. To block that out of fear is kinda selfish and kinda ludite IMO.

Am I proud of being an aspie? Well, I'm several things this society supposedly frowns upon. I'm......

Black

A woman

A person with Asperger's

Poor

Unmarried and childless at 31 years of age

Jobless

Without material possessions such as a car, house, brand name clothes, etc. that supposedly define your standing in this world...

In other words, if I take this world's definition of what is acceptable at face value, I'm a complete loser. But you know what? I don't. Why? Because nowadays the world ignores the more important things that make a good person like, say.....being good. Being loving, kind to one another, taking care of your family, honesty, integrity, staying out of trouble with the law, shoot, common decency isn't worth anything nowadays.

You have to fit into this extremely narrow mold that has nothing to do with the character within and everything to do with what kind of house you have, the money in your bank account, the kind of car you drive, what kind of influental, big wig friends you have and whether your personality fits whatever is "in" at the time. That doesn't leave much room for anyone and we wonder why so many NAs have such low self esteem let alone aspies.

Throughout the struggles I've gone through, I've learned that the most important thing you can do for yourself is to look inside and love yourself for who you are today, not what you'll be when you "improve" and not whenever society gives you permission by affirming your lifestyle. If we waited until everyone else said we were okay to love who we were, we'd be giving everyone else power over us. To relinquish that power is to no longer exist and float through life as some shell that's waiting for the right to be alive.

Our right to be who we are was determined when we came out of our mother's womb, not by any decision on if Asperger's Syndrome is a "disease" or just a genetic "difference". Are we going to let people take that away just because they don't "approve"? Or are we going to decide we are okay right at this moment and keep on being the best human beings we can be?

Copied and pasted from another discussion, my view stads as follows:

While I myself would not want to be "cured," I think that alleviation of the disabling aspects of autism and AS is not only desirable bu opften nessessary. If cure means wiping out your personality like an equation on a chalkboard that was done incorrectly, I'm anti-cure. If cure means using methods, medications, resources, or whatever you can think of to benefit someone on the spectrum and make them able to function, be happy, and lead lives that are as independant and trauma-free as possible in a world not designed for them, the BRING ON THE CURES. In other words, I think that symptoms are a good thing to eliminate; it's just that people's cores aren't. It's a fine line, but I think a fair distinction.