The autism social rule book.

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My namesake points out something that got me in trouble, with a co-worker.
Basically ended up driving me away from my dream job. Problem is, before we had a major blow-up she always flirted with me..
TOTAL confusion.
I'm begining to wonder if she was on the spectrum?

Sincerely,
Matthew

Be cautious when feigning confidence, you might come across as stuck-up or condescending. Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but it has been mentioned on this thread before that sometimes it is best to just act naturally shy if you are that way.

This has happened to me. I said to a girl "oh you changed your hair" and she said "yeah do you like it?" I said "no" and then I was told by all the girls at school that I was so mean. When I was just being honest.

@jane1: alternatively if you really do not like the haircut and want to notify it, you can say that it's not your prefered one. Or say "yes, but I prefer when [put something you like here]". Note that unless it is your girlfriend or boyfriend, it's unlikely you need to notify.

This is what I knew all along. I know that I'm better off being shy than trying to act all confident, because it wasn't work with me. It just frightens people off. I think when you're trying to be something you're not, people can sense there's something false there, and they're not always quite sure where they are with you. And if I acted confident, I'd probably do it the wrong way anyway because my brain isn't wired that way so I cannot do it.

Sometimes people forget that your personality and the way you are is all to do with the brain. It's not like something I can take out, scramble with, and put back in again. It's wired this way forever, and I can change myself a little if I worked on it, but not completely.

This is why I don't like being assertive. I know if I did try to stand up for myself, I wouldn't do it right, and people won't listen.

I've tried to joke about being all-confindent & even blustery, but THAT got taken wrong as well..
Sometimes, it is better just to nod or not talk at all.

Sincerely,
Matthew

In my opinion there are too many social rules , what we see as appropriate is seen as inappropriate by normal types this is where the confusion lies.

Is there any wiki page with these rules?, preferably not reachable by google etc.

I'm sure if you google basic social rules there may be a list of things that are deemed appropriate

I think this thread is great, I just can't get through all 48 pages. Has anyone organized the rules or is in the process of doing so?? It's like I should know all of these, but I can't stop breaking the rules. I'm trying so hard to be more self aware and it's a constant battle. Haha I can easily relate to all of this, thanks for everyone's posts.

You don't have to remember and follow all of them. These are just guidelines. Even NTs don't follow every single one of these rules listed here. Some don't even apply to everyone, for example, some are to do with your age, gender, religeon, abilities, and your environment. But it will still help you to read them through and see which apply to you.

Thats why I never go to parties,etc have only been to one wedding my entire life so far,that was when I was about 14 yrs old.Never socialiaze with people i work with outside of work hours,I did not attend a Christmas dinner at a restaurant with my fellow workers before Christmas.I used the excuse that I have no way of getting there because I dont have car and a taxi would have been too expensive,about $50 one way.I wouldt have enjoyed it had I gone anyway.

Wow, I didn't have time to go through all the rules right now, but I have trouble with most of the ones I read. So I'm supposed to lie when people ask me a question because it makes people feel better. I don't get it, why? Besides, I can't lie, I don't know how to. Although, I tend to be really quiet when getting to know people because I know there's a good possibility of offending the other person. I don't really get to know people when people I already know aren't with us.

I'm really practicing to don't take the "How are you" literally, but I sometimes forget.
I'm also really practicing to say it back to the people that ask me, but I forget that more often than to not take it literally.

Another thing: I literally can not look into people's eyes, although I can pretend by looking at their mouth and hope they wont notice.

Oh but, I got one.
Umm, since the rules stopped being numbered at some point, I can't really put a number to this one.

**Do not tell somebody that their smile looks stupid, even if you mean it in a good way.
I did that mistake a couple of weeks ago, but what I really meant that it was hilarious and funny, and made me smile and laugh. I really did mean it in a good way.

Thankfully the person I said it to is my foster father and he understands. He just calmly explained to me that saying that to somebody would be considered offensive.

Wait a minute - how come I've had people saying nasty comments about me without a thought, but Aspies are told that it's considered inappropriate to make nasty (but honest) comments to other people?

I have to get this off my chest.
Rule number whatever.

If my rule isn't added to the book then screw you guys because my ideas are always the best.

Thanks, that felt much better.

British women have to colour their hair if they show any grey.

British women must shave their legs and under their arms.

British women must NEVER have greasy hair.

British women must have a hairstyle otherwise they look unconfident.



British men can have grey hair and don't have to colour it if they don't want to.

British men can be all hairy, and can choose to have a beard, they won't be shamed either way.

British men can have greasy hair if they want, people won't judge them against it.

British men can either have long hair or short hair. If they have long hair, they won't be shamed.






It's a man's world.