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Do you want children?
NO 66%  66%  [ 125 ]
Yes 19%  19%  [ 36 ]
I already have/had children 14%  14%  [ 27 ]
Total votes : 188

fiddlerpianist
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23 Nov 2009, 1:09 am

StewartMango wrote:
Let me introduce you guys to the "comment war" she had on this note I put:
http://www.facebook.com/StewartMango?v= ... 5956582604


Umm... what happened between this comment that she made:

Quote:
Well I think you are being smart and fair - too many people don't think through all the roles and responsibiliites that go with parenthood and what every child deserves who is brought into this world. I felt a lot like you once, Nicole. Whether or not you ever have children, clearly you are a thinker and I greatly respect that. I am just here to ... Read Moresay, for me personally, having my daughter has been the most awe filled, humbling experience of my life. Every child is a gift from God, and not a second goes by that I am not filled with gratitude and thanks that she is healthy. I think if a person chooses to be a parent, they should be well aware of what comes with that role...but it isn't all bad, and for me, it is the highest accomplishment, the biggest impact, of my entire life.

And this one:

Quote:
You are an ignorant girl, in both senses of the word. Aspergers only counts for so much. I can help you with eye contact and social appropriateness, but I can't change a cold heart. You really do need help.

Did you write her privately or something? I'm a bit confused. I feel like there is more going on with this exchange than you're presenting.

Also, you do seem rather overly passionate (and possibly hypersensitive) about this subject. You mistook the intent of two posts here in the WP thread.

What exactly are you trying to prove, or are you just venting steam here? I think everyone here agrees that if you don't want children, then you shouldn't have any, and no one should force you to. You don't need to justify it further.


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fiddlerpianist
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23 Nov 2009, 1:23 am

veiledexpressions wrote:
I am fine with those who are child-free, just like any who make life choices for themselves. What I am not fine with are the "rabid child-free". They're the nuts who seem more obsessed with children and parents, than the parents themselves. They sit around and think of derisive terms for parents, such as "moos", and call children "crotch loaves". It is one thing to make the choice not to have, it's another to make a large production out of it. Perhaps people react negatively because they feel as if you're being pushy with your beliefs.

Couldn't agree more. Being belligerent and downright nasty towards people who have kids I find completely intolerable. It's right up there with those who are belligerent about their religion and feel that it is their life mission to convert you to their beliefs.


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23 Nov 2009, 1:41 am

Noone should be made to have a child, anymore then someone should be made to have a hippotamus.


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Danielismyname
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23 Nov 2009, 2:48 am

Don't have them then.

Not hard, unless you're forcibly impregnated by aliens, god and/or something/someone else.



zen_mistress
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23 Nov 2009, 3:59 am

Eggman wrote:
Noone should be made to have a child, anymore then someone should be made to have a hippotamus.


I want a hippopotamus... :) :heart:


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23 Nov 2009, 4:55 am

I don't want kids. so I voted no.

I am not mature enough to do so anyway in my opinion. I also have difficulty just being around them.



StewartMango
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23 Nov 2009, 7:12 am

Check out what this woman said:

"Wow....you really need to get a life....how can anyone not want a child....your can come up with 20 reasons for not having a child...but only one for having a child....are you serious? I hope you never ever have a child...not for your sake but for the sake of the child....People with your mentality are the ones who usually abuse the children cause you can't take responsibility for having a child...you disgust me."

So another words she's saying I would hurt a child!?
I hope this woman NEVER has children!! !
But you know these comments giving me a good laugh, it's actually not bothering me anymore, at first I was upset, but now I'm starting to enjoy the negative comments, just shows people have no life.

But thanks guys for not flaming me! :D


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StewartMango
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23 Nov 2009, 7:13 am

Spokane_Girl wrote:
StewartMango wrote:
Image

^A woman gave me that comment when I posted this on Facebook, so I tried to write 20 ways I can grow up, to mock her immaturity.



Cool, I would like to read it.


Here you go!

20 WAYS NICOLE CAN GROW UP:

1. Graduate from Ocean County College, hey it's not the best college, but it's better than a high school drop out right? Maybe even continue to Kean, that would be nice, maybe even Rutgers.

2. Get a real job, not the 'pretend' jobs you put on Facebook, maybe the acting job will do.

3. Find a REAL boyfriend, not one you made up on Facebook!! !

4. Marry this guy, everyone else your age is married right?

5. Have children, oh like that's going to happen, you hardly even take care of your pets how the hell are you going to take care of a baby!? Well there is always you parents.

6. You NEED to STOP talking to yourself, EVERYONE knows you do it, stop saying your 'singing'.

7. Try taking a shower more often you stick, oh yes and learn to brush your teeth properly, your breath is killing me!! !

8. Get a car, oh wait you have one, no but your parents pay for it, go pay for it yourself!! !

9. Move out, yes get the hell out, your room could be used as a nice office.

10. Stop making stupid lists and posting them on Facebook, because some random person you never met before told you too, even though she was probably being sarcastic, but no you have to take EVERYTHING so damn literally!! !

11. Ok so now for number 11, it has two ones, now onto number 12.

12. The point of this list is stupid because you're never going to do any of the things listed above anyway.

13. 13, lucky number, thought most consider it unlucky I think it's lucky!! !

14. What does that have to do with growing up!? Who cares I'm having trouble with thinking of things.

15. Well I guess you can stop digging holes at the beach, you look stupid, really you do, I know you think it's fun, but you look stupid.

16. STOP getting worked up about 'haters' online, most of them are 40 year old men who live in their Mother's basement.

17. Yes the status updates, no one cares, well maybe some people, but who are those people?

18. Didn't you make with some kid at 18? Well last time you had a boyfriend you were 12, wow your pathetic.

19. If you don't have a baby by now, how would you ever fit in!? Well for your sake don't ever reproduce, we don't need anymore obsessive Jon stalkers, really we don't, even though in number 5, I said have children, I was kidding really keep your legs closed you're doing a good job at that.

20. Now the final one, why are you writing this list? Better yet why you talking in third person?


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PlatedDrake
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23 Nov 2009, 8:32 am

Well, here's something to think on. Children are a reflection of those who raise them, so irresponsible parents raise loud-mouthed brats. Also, and this is a observation by my parents, it seems that the people who really SHOULDNT reproduce do, and the smart people who should, dont/avoid it. Now, some of your arguments are valid to a point, but a lot of those are stereotypes. Hell, if humanity never reproduced during "difficult times," we would surely have died out by now. Life, in general, is going to be unpredictable . . . no way around that. The best you can do is leave some legacy (biological or academic) and do what you can to make things better. This is just a perspective, not doing any thread bashing.


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StewartMango
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23 Nov 2009, 9:33 am

PlatedDrake wrote:
Well, here's something to think on. Children are a reflection of those who raise them, so irresponsible parents raise loud-mouthed brats. Also, and this is a observation by my parents, it seems that the people who really SHOULDNT reproduce do, and the smart people who should, dont/avoid it. Now, some of your arguments are valid to a point, but a lot of those are stereotypes. Hell, if humanity never reproduced during "difficult times," we would surely have died out by now. Life, in general, is going to be unpredictable . . . no way around that. The best you can do is leave some legacy (biological or academic) and do what you can to make things better. This is just a perspective, not doing any thread bashing.


No, you want to see bashing you should see this note's comments LOL
http://www.facebook.com/StewartMango?v= ... 5956582604

But you made a good point there :D


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raisedbyignorance
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23 Nov 2009, 12:57 pm

StewartMango wrote:
Check out what this woman said:

"Wow....you really need to get a life....how can anyone not want a child....your can come up with 20 reasons for not having a child...but only one for having a child....are you serious? I hope you never ever have a child...not for your sake but for the sake of the child....People with your mentality are the ones who usually abuse the children cause you can't take responsibility for having a child...you disgust me."

So another words she's saying I would hurt a child!?
I hope this woman NEVER has children!! !
But you know these comments giving me a good laugh, it's actually not bothering me anymore, at first I was upset, but now I'm starting to enjoy the negative comments, just shows people have no life.

But thanks guys for not flaming me! :D


There's been far too many ironic cases about women who wanted children...but then get their wish and it becomes the suckiest thing in the world...like that one woman who had 6 autistic children. I'm sure the only reason she kept having more kids was because she thought she would get lucky and have an NT kid. Then she has a breakdown and child services takes the kids away. And now she says she's all loving the kids now that she has them back. I'm sorry but I find this to be pure bullcrap. She's proven once already that she's incapable of dealing with six autistic kids when she's given herself no knowledge or training on how to handle them. They make me laugh if they're trying to convince me that this woman isn't going to have another breakdown. It's too damn inevitable



23 Nov 2009, 5:39 pm

raisedbyignorance wrote:
StewartMango wrote:
Check out what this woman said:

"Wow....you really need to get a life....how can anyone not want a child....your can come up with 20 reasons for not having a child...but only one for having a child....are you serious? I hope you never ever have a child...not for your sake but for the sake of the child....People with your mentality are the ones who usually abuse the children cause you can't take responsibility for having a child...you disgust me."

So another words she's saying I would hurt a child!?
I hope this woman NEVER has children!! !
But you know these comments giving me a good laugh, it's actually not bothering me anymore, at first I was upset, but now I'm starting to enjoy the negative comments, just shows people have no life.

But thanks guys for not flaming me! :D


There's been far too many ironic cases about women who wanted children...but then get their wish and it becomes the suckiest thing in the world...like that one woman who had 6 autistic children. I'm sure the only reason she kept having more kids was because she thought she would get lucky and have an NT kid. Then she has a breakdown and child services takes the kids away. And now she says she's all loving the kids now that she has them back. I'm sorry but I find this to be pure bullcrap. She's proven once already that she's incapable of dealing with six autistic kids when she's given herself no knowledge or training on how to handle them. They make me laugh if they're trying to convince me that this woman isn't going to have another breakdown. It's too damn inevitable



Was that the mother in Utah or was that someone else who also happened to have six autistic kids?



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23 Nov 2009, 6:13 pm

fiddlerpianist wrote:
Rose_in_Winter wrote:
I am shocked and offended that anyone would compare the decision not to reproduce to abortion.

*sigh* Show me where in this thread anyone has compared the decision to not have kids with abortion.


Right here:
just because you have AS, it does not automatically follow that any child you might ever have will have it as well. Its not a disease virus that infects everything you ever touch. And if you use THAT as an excuse for not wanting children, you're EXACTLY THE SAME as the people who want in utero testing so they can abort any potentially autistic (or dyslexic or redheaded) fetus before it becomes viable.

If that does not seem like a comparison to you, we're just going to have to agree to disagree. Saying "if you use THAT [the chance of a child being Autistic] as an excuse for not wanting children, you're EXACTLY THE SAME as the people who want in utero testing so they can abort any potentially autistic..." is the part that strikes me as a comparision (the rest of the quote is for context). It's the part the poster added emphasis to by using capitals that especially makes me think it is a comparison. If I say, "My dress is EXACTLY THE SAME as her dress," I am comparing our dresses and declaring them the same.

Specifically, this poster is comparing the decision not to have kids because of the risk of AS or Autism to deciding to abort a fetus we learn has AS or Autism. Not just the decision not have children, but specifically not having them because of the chance of AS or Autism. Abortion is a hard decision that can leave women with terrible emotional scars, even if she feels it was the right decision. Choosing to remain child-free is not the same at all.



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23 Nov 2009, 7:36 pm

Seeing as I'm going to have to argue this to a doctor soon anyways, I might as well state my reasons for agreeing with the OP...

1) I'm asexual, and have contact issues that border on the post-traumatic stress sort from past medical issues. I wouldn't be able to tolerate sex, let alone pregnancy and childbirth.

2) I have a ridiculous amount of hereditary medical conditions. A number of them have more physiological consequences than they do social ones, and would be painful no matter how good the kid's life was otherwise. I don't want to relive my childhood.

3) I would do better to spend my time and effort trying to make the world a better and more welcome place for anyone like me who will eventually live than to make more people like myself before we'll be well-received.

4) I have pretty severe noise-related sensory issues that were exacerbated by bad experiences, and react rather strongly to loud, shrill sounds. Putting me in a room with a small, screaming child would be doing neither of us any favors.

5) If I wanted to live with a kid, I'd adopt - preferably someone old enough to actually have a conversation with, and who has a personality already formed so I know what I'm getting into.

6) I'd be terrible at disciplining and being an authority figure about things that even I generally don't give enough of a damn about to do in a timely manner or on a consistent basis (read: bed times, most chores and other "mature" things to do).

7) I do enjoy my freedom... It took a while to get to the point where I can do things when, how and as much as I feel like, and I'm not inclined to give that up. I also want to be able to go as far as I want in my career without any barriers to my success.

8) Why have a baby when you can have cats around instead?



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23 Nov 2009, 9:14 pm

My wife and I have two boys (grade school and junior high age). We are an extremely close family. I rarely ever do anything without my family---since I don't socialize outside of my family much. My social life is my family. Our grade school age son has AS/autism, and he is an incredible joy to be around (though a little challenging at times). He is currently taking piano lessons and doing rather well for his age. Our junior high age son has recently joined the bell choir at church after having quit band in school. Though we each do our seperate things, we function as a unit together. For me, my sons have made my life complete.


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23 Nov 2009, 10:01 pm

I have known since early childhood that I never wanted to have a child of my own. I figured that I couldn't stand other people's children, so I doubted my children would be much different.

I know differently now. I have helped raise my sister's children since their birth, I don't think I would feel any different toward them if they were my own. I am very attached and protective of them. (if I thought I ever felt love, it would be for them)

I still have no desire to have children of my own, but I believe I would adopt once I became financially stable and could support them well. I think I am responsible enough, and I think I could do well by them. I would like to be able to give a child (or a couple of children) a good home.


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