Classic Aspie Moments. Share your own.

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At one of rare parties I went there was one beautiful girl.
I was sitting near loudspeaker with a friend and drinking bear.
That girl came to my side showing her hand in a form ready for handshake, she wanted to meet me.
I couldnt hear her saying that she wants to meet me because of loudspeaker and I just asked a friend :
What does this fool wants of me ?

Friend: "Hey look, street meat!"

Myself: "... I don't see any prostitutes."

I was unaware that 'street meat' was a colloquial term for hotdog vendors. I don't visit the city often.

My usual college day:

-Someone says "Hi" or "Hey you"

I reply, "Hi" or "Do I know you?"

Which usually accompanies them giving me an odd look and I realize the person behind me that they were actually talk to.

-I see people stretching and for some reason I think they are waving so, I wave to them and realize they were only stretching. lol

Not only is "a couple" 2, but "a few" is 3, and "several" is at least 4. . I demand accuracy!
The following conversation also played out countless times as a child.

My father: Just a sec.
Me: (pause for one second). A second is up.
My father: *gr*. Just a minute.
Me: (silent count of one minute). A minute is up.
My father: Arrrgh!
Me: You said a minute!

(repeat theme and variations)


So how do people get boyfriends? I would've done the same thing as you if I'd had the guts to say anything at all .

Remembered a couple more after reading the other replies (it's hard for me to call to mind these incidents on command, though they are numerous).

A few years ago at work, one of my coworkers was showing everybody pictures in the middle of the room. His girlfriend had just had a baby (presumably his). I passed on the way to my cubicle and he shoved a picture at me (we didn't usually talk with each other but I couldn't avoid it). It was a picture of his newborn daughter. Other people standing nearby had already said the common phrases like "how cute" and "adorable" and so on. And she did not look like him, so I couldn't say she looked like him. And she wasn't cute or adorable. I'm sorry, some newborn babies simply aren't (at least if they're not yours). So after a pause, I said "Hmm." (I was stalling for time trying to think of something, ANYthing to say). Unfortunately other people heard me and started making fun of my response, so it was really embarrassing (for him too I think, or maybe he was just peeved at my comment).

When I was I think 9 or 10 I was at a taekwon-do tournament and it was really hot. There was a pop machine there and I asked my mother for a dollar so I could buy a rootbeer. She gave me one and I went over. I'd never used one before. I put the money in the slot indicated and pressed the button. Nothing happened. I went back to my mother and told her the machine ate the money and she gave me another dollar. I inserted it, selected the button, and there was a noise but I still didn't see any pop. After I went back the second time she came with me and looked immediately in the little door that the pop cans fall into and there were TWO cans of root beer. I don't know what I was expecting to happen but I had no idea they were supposed to show up there. I remember this incident because I made a comic strip about it afterwards, as everybody thought it was pretty funny. Even more funny (to me) is the fact that the comic strip about the event is actually not funny at all. I can picture the whole strip (I think its still in my files somewhere). It was like it was missing a punchline. I remember my father had me add an extra panel at the end as sort of a climax because it ended awkwardly (the extra panel is also not very funny). I am pretty bad at telling jokes, maybe this is a manifestation .

My husband's parent came over to stay with us a couple of weekends ago. It was my Father-in-law's 60th birthday on the Saturday, so I'd booked us a table that evening at a really posh hotel in town. We were sitting around the table in the kitchen that afternoon and there'd been a big gap in the conversation. I felt like I needed to fill it, so I said to my in-laws:

"So, are you guys looking forward to getting dressed up for tonight?"

Mother-in-law: "I AM dressed up!"

Cue long, painful silence...

I have had many moments. This one always sticks in my head from when I was at school.

It concerns the expression "elbow grease". I was about 12 or 13 in woodwork class and we were all gathered around the big work table doing our cutting and sawing etc. The teacher was watching us all and shouted to me "come on lad put some elbow grease into it". I stopped what I was doing and started looking around the table. The teacher shouts "Why have you stopped? I told you to put some elbow grease into it!". So I quite timidly said "Where is it?" Then everyone starts laughing and I am confused by this. The teacher comes over to me and says "What do you think elbow grease is?" I noticed everyone was looking at me and so knew I had got something wrong so I tried to be careful. "Is it like....soap?" I said. Then the whole class laughed louder and I felt even more confused and was getting upset. The teacher called me an idiot and explained it was just a figure of speech.

It took me a long time to live that down.

Another from when i was younger in school. I asked if I could go to the toilet. The teacher said "Yes." As I just get to the door to leave the classroom the teacher stops me and says. "Do you have anything to say to me?" I just stood looking blankly at her as she waited. Then the class started getting giggly and so I looked at them and some of them were mouthing words to me but I couldn't make it out. I turned back to the teacher and said. "I don't know." So she said. "Well you asked me if you could go to the toilet and I said yes." Then she looked at me waiting. When I didn't respond she said "So what do you think you should say to me now?" I felt very under pressure at this point because I knew the whole class were looking at me and it seemed some of them knew the answer. After not answering again the teacher said. "Before you leave the classroom to go to the toilet what should you say to me?" The only word I could think of was "Goodbye." Everyone laughed. The teacher laughed too and let me go on my way. But then when I got home from school my mother knew about it and she told me I should have said "Thank you." I think in this day and age a teachers autism alarm bells would have gone off but I was a kid back in the 1970's when you just got a smack if you didn't do what the adults expected of you.

Today at lunch the conversation was "Who is your freebee" (if you could have a 'freebee' sex encounter with a famous person).

After some names were tossed about by others I said "I find certain body types and facial configurations attractive ... (cue laughter and "god you are weird" looks).

A minute or two later I asked "can you pick a character?" and everyone thought cartoon character (more weird looks and comments) What I meant that famous peoples characters are what we find attractive, not their real persona and I would rather choose a character.

Sometimes I hate looking at the world so differently. Even if it makes perfect sense to me, it's so atypical that people react negatively.

Oh well.

Someone on instant messenger told me to hold on a second-I sent him hour by hour reports of how may seconds I have been waiting and gave up after 5 hours

She told me that they start out as friends first. When you meet someone and hang out with them and be friends with them, you two see if you two be right for each other or if you enjoy each other's company, then you get into a relationship and that's how you get one. You don't just walk up to someone you hardly know or aren't even friends with and ask them to be your partner.

Heck I think that is how dating works too. You both start out as acquaintances by going out and telling each other about yourselves and your life and goals and you both see if you are right for each other and go from there. That's what dating is basically for, to get to know each other and talk about ourselves and ask questions about each other and share your interests.


Hey I thought several was three. I always figured few meant not much, that be at least five or seven or four or eight.


I was at the flea market with my husband in Montana they do in this small down every Memorial Weekend. We were looking at the booths and I would get bored and I was getting impatient and my husband said "Give me sixty seconds" and I started counting and he said "it's a figure of speech" and told me it means let him look and it could be ten minutes or a half hour.

I already knew "Just a minute" and "just a second" meant wait but I didn't know "give me sixty seconds" also meant the same. I never heard anyone say it before. Only the other two. I mean it's the same as saying "Give me an hour" "Give me another ten minutes" so I would think "Give me 60 seconds" would also mean give me a minute.

My husband talks weird, I wonder if he made that phrase up and he says you have to be so careful how you talk to me because I "take everything so literal" and has said I am so hard to talk to sometimes he is too afraid to say anything to me or else we could end up arguing because I think he has lied to me or something or I am arguing over a word he said telling him he said that not this. Then he corrects himself and tells me to him it means Y.

On IM one time:

Him: hey, gotta go for a minute
Me: k
Him: well to be literal, in case you take things that way, 5 +
Me: lol
Me: i thought u meant a minute


Dug up my IM log for that.

I understand this one and what you're husband is saying. When you're husband says something to the effect of I will be back in a minute he really is saying he does not know when he is coming back. I have used that phrase myself. Technically, you're correct though. I have never understood why he can't just admit that he doesn't know when he'll be back. IMHO, it would be more accurate to say that. I do have a theory and that is most people do not want to admit they do not know. I could be wrong but I do not understand the reasoning behind the figure of speech.

Now this conversation confuses me. How does he equate 2 days with last week? I don't get it. This sounds like my wife talking. We have these types of conversations all of the time. She asked me why do I have to be so exact? League_girl, I just don't get this.

I've heard the "60 seconds" thing as well so I don't think he made it up, I guess the moral is no matter WHAT amount of time people say they don't seem to mean it.

I thought of another horrifically embarrassing moment, classic me anyway. I should mention I have facial recognition problems, though I don't know if this is related to that or just general cluelessness.

I was a teenager, I was with my riding instructor again and we were sitting in the car waiting for something and she pulls out this greeting card she printed herself on the computer to show me (I think she just got a new printer or card program or something). I observe the card. She says "who's this?" or something similar after a bit, prompting for a response and pointing at the illustration on the cover. This is the sort of question I dread. The card has a cartoon picture, sort of a caricature, of a balding guy with white hair. I really have no idea what she's getting at but after a while as I say "I don't know" and she keeps pressing me to answer, I guess the name of her long-time live-in boyfriend. Hey, he's an older balding guy with white hair.
Oh horror of horrors. She says "It's Einstein." I could have just about sunk through the floor. The inside of the card as it turns out said something like "I"m no Einstein, I forgot your birthday." I remember the whole event vividly to this day as it was so embarrassing and plus I felt like I'd insulted her and the boyfriend, who was a nice guy. And we were stuck in the car on a very long drive. Luckily, she didn't say anything else about it because I think she had no idea what to make of it.

A COUPLE IS TWO!! ! I go through the same issues with my friends. When they say a couple I always think two, then they're like "no like a week ago".

Because my husband said "couple" so I thought he meant two. So we had that argument. To him a couple is more than two. Every time I hear "couple" I always think two so if you were to ask me to give you a couple cookies, I would give you two cookies.

But it was my mother who taught me what "couple" meant. She also told me it means two. I don't get it either why it means more than two for my husband. To me to call "couple" more than two is like calling a farm a city. So I would be saying I live on the farm and then the person sees I actually live in the city so I tell him "to me , farm is the city." or me calling a pick up truck a commercial truck. This is how stupid this is when my husband calls couple more than two. Sometimes I feel like changing words or names just to confuse people so they know how confusing it is when they don't talk right. I'll decide to call my Wii a Gamecube.