For those with undiagnosed Aspergers...

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I can't get in to see my PCM for a few weeks and we're moving before then, so I have to wait until I get moved and my insurance switches over. Once that happens, I am going to see about getting the official diagnosis. I believe that I have it based on the research that I've done and seeing my son's struggles with it. A lot of the struggles that he has are the same ones that I struggled with. In doing research and reading blogs and such, it was like a light bulb went off in my head, and suddenly I understood myself. Most of the things that I am reading on here and other places, I'm sitting here going "Yep, that's me!" Being here, with all these people, I finally feel like I belong!

Why don't I get diagnosed? I can read and evaluate the criteria. I know English grammar, semantics, and have the Internet for special terminology. I am smarter than the doctor. I can see patterns in these online discussions. Much of this analysis I cannot turn into words to tell the doctor in a 10-minute meeting. Heck, the criteria changes every few years.

But, really, I don't want many people to know. I have worked hard for 45 years at pretending to fit in and I am not going to throw that away. I certainly don't want to have to write anything on those nosey job application forms asking about mental and psychological conditions.

As long as I can come off as "a little different", I will keep going as is. If people regularly spotted my autism, I would follow the official-diagnosis path. I recommend this approach.

First, I always wonder why people question someone is self-diagnosed on the spectrum but never someone who says "I'm depressed". If I said "I am depressed, I feel like killing myself everyday, I feel like I have nothing to live for, etc..." day after day, there is no doubt that there is not a single person in this world who would say "well, I don't really think you are depressed or suicidal because you haven't seen a psychologist who diagnosed you with clinical depression or suicidal"

I don't know if I will ever get a formal diagnosis, not because I don't want to, but because having a kiddo on the spectrum takes a lot of my time as I make sure each and everyday that I learn to help him so he can overcome many of the issues he has, which have also caused me enormous stress during my life.

When my son was diagnosed the doctors asked me all kinds of questions about him...many of them were of him when he was 2, 3, 4, 5...The more I read, the more I remember things that I used to do when I was little that without a doubt are symptoms of being the spectrum. I have a not-so-good relationship with my mom and a horrible one with my father. Both were pretty much abusive my entire life. Although my son was diagnosed TWICE, they still don't fully believe it. Funny thing is, that it was my father who early on would say "he's just like you when you were little"...and also told me "something is wrong, he doesn't talk, he doesn't do this or that...you should get him checked out". Yet after I did, he still treats him as if he was neurotypical. Because my son was both abused, neglected and bullied in two different schools, I decided to homeschool him. By making that decision, I lost my job and more than 50% of our household income. To try and find a therapist to diagnose me, when my parents will probably not help with details if they ask for them, when I have already spent so much money attempting to help my son, I feel it would be selfish and a waste of time. Maybe someday. No doubt I would've been diagnosed. No doubt.

PS it does amaze me that an official diagnosis is considered accurate and a self-diagnosis is not...you know, one that takes one or a couple of visits, probably an hour each visit, going down a list of symptoms, by someone whom you have known for a total of maybe 2-4 hours vs a 40, 50, 60 year old, who has spent their entire life with themselves, who truly KNOWS themselves, who has spent probably a few years going down that same list the therapists use and saying "yup, that's me!"

Sorry, I tried to edit my previous post but it didn't allow me to hmmm

By the way, when I was in 3rd grade I was put in advanced math. I had just moved to the US from PR. In 4th grade I was briefly taken out of regular class and put in remedial classes...I think that's what they called it back then. I remember sitting in the lunchroom, next to a boy who didn't speak and rocked the entire time we ate lunch...another friend from the class who seemed "normal" but was always spitting in his hand...either way, eventually they took me out of that class, I don't remember being there very long and put in some advance classes instead. A year prior to that my mom took me to a psychologist...she knew something was off. But as someone else said here, I think she stopped taking me as she was afraid that the abuse they subjected me to, would come out. A couple of years ago I contacted my elementary school in the hopes that I could get my school records. I was not able to, as they were too old. I have asked my mother why I was put in those classes and she CLAIMS she doesn't remember, that she was never told...I highly doubt that.

Even when I look at all my work reviews there is a constant...incredible logic, can figure out great solutions, impressive attention to detail, blah, blah, blah...needs to work on social skills year after year worked in the IT field for about 15 yrs, no college degree, no computer classes of any type, etc...

It seems us Autistics are held to a different standard in many realms. One can be of Italian heritage, live in New York and if you say "I am Italian" and nobody will accuse you of being in the mafia or doubt you also identify as American. But if you say I identify as Aspie, and you will be accused of hurting Autistic unity. For the sake of American unity nobody would think of passing a law saying officially all New York residents must now officially call themselves Americans because some New Yorkers are elitist and look down on the rest of the country and the similarities between New York and America are more then the differences. Sub-categories are fine for nearly everything but autism it seems. The severity of pain from a twisted knee and the severity of pain from being run over by a truck is quite different. If a person complains of pain from a twisted knee they are not told what they are experiencing is not "real pain" and are not generally accused of being a whiner or using it as an excuse not to walk in the socially accepted manor. Yet "milder" autistics are often told what they have is not "real autism" or not autism at all and told to just to "suck it up" and be normal. A suggestion from an person with Stage 1 cancer to a parent of a child with Stage 4 cancer is usually accepted or rejected on its merits. The person with Stage 1 cancer is usually not told you have no right to make a recommendation at all because you do not have Stage 4 cancer.

No money.

No doctor without money.

You don't live in the U.S. I guess.

I was actually told that I wasn't suicidal once. On the basis that (and I quote) "you wouldn't know you were suicidal if you was actually suicidal, you would just go away and kill yourself".

I never again spoke of my feelings after that.

People can be s**ts sometimes.

This post is in response to another post I fell upon further up the thread.

I couldn't be arsed to quote it. Sozzard!

^^It was my stepmother.^^

Well, if you can explain why I stimmed like a madman ever since I was 5 years old, up to now, at 38 years old , I am all ears. from 5 years of age all the way up through high school and college I stimmed enormously, rocking back and forth and humming, tapping my fingers on every hollow object I encountered in the real world, hand - eye alignment Stimming, I tapped my fingers on so many objects in school that some people would ask me if I were trying to become a professional drummer. I would always say no, I am NOT a drummer, it's just what I like to do.

when I was young I would bang the back of my head against a wall for comfort.
most of the time I did it not very forcefully, but when I really got into it I would damage the wall. I even broke a wall that was covered with glass. and I had to explain to my parents why I broke a huge pane of glass with my head. and I was not mad or anything, I was just stimming.

so my parents never got me diagnosed for autism. they didn't even know what autism was. so now as an adult, I have to do it all for myself. and I can tell you, in the US, which is a very violent and ignorant culture, it is so so incredibly difficult to get a diagnosis from doctors. especially as an adult. they think the worst of you as soon as you mention the word autism. every rejection from these ignoramus doctors that are taking all my hard earned cash and throwing it into the toilet , very badly. it's almost a fact now that I know that doctors are here to take your money and give you s**t in return for it. America? land of the free and the brave? nope, Land of the money racketeers. in America doctors are like gods, because like in religion, when you seek them out, they are envious and wrathful, just like the Christian God, and they give you nothing in return. not even proof of their existence, not even proof that they are real doctors.

I know I am on the autistic spectrum, and I seek a diagnosis for myself, for peace of mind. I have done all the research, and I have taken all the online tests, and I have compared all my symptoms including stimming, noise intolerance, inability to relate to most people socially, extreme inability to cope in large social situations, light sensitivity, massive allergy lists, I am allergic to more than 50 things in the real world , and 10 of these allergenic things I encounter on a daily basis. and what is scarier is that I am allergic to antibiotics, and I keep getting more allergies every year I live. and the doctors just keep treating me like I am f****** crazy or something.

I am almost done with these quack doctors.
I want my diagnosis.
I don't know how long I can last.
I don't have much money.

I suspect there are many autistic people homeless on the streets in the United States of America. which is why when I get my diagnosis, I want to only help autistic people. and let the NTs rot and die on the street, and in their homes.

I think you have little idea how difficult it is for an adult autistic person to get a diagnosis.

Personally the primary reason is that I get anxious when I think about the process that leads to a diagnosis.
It's also kinda overwhelming.
There are many variables to consider, like needing to talk to an unknown person over the phone to make an appointment.
Just the thought of that is painful.

Most regular doctors are not qualified to diagnose it, and a professional diagnoses by professionals who can, can be very expensive...so for some its an issue of not being affordable. Other people may have trouble finding anyone qualified to diagnose it within their area which can also make it hard. Then there are some individuals who find the knowledge they are very likely to have autism useful just for themself but don't feel the need to pursue a diagnoses....I mean the only real reason to get a diagnoses if you have aspergers is if you need accommodations or to apply for SSI, as far as needing one, but also it helps one feel more sure of their aspergers.