Sadism - How far does our lack of empathy go?

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Aspies do not tend to lack empathy is this sense, in fact aspies usually tend to be less sadistic, or more inclined to aid someone in pain.

It is frustrating when people actually believe that lack of empathy is unique to autistics, and I even say this as a neurotypical. It must be confusing to be an autistic person and think, 'but they bullied me, so they can't have empathy because it doesnt sound like theyre giving two hoots about how I feel. If neurotypicals didnt lack empathy then why do I get so misunderstood and bullied so much then?'

I have an autistic brother, so I know a bit about autism and I respect autistic people's feelings because I'm used to living with an autistic person at home. But because I'm not autistic myself, even I can't even put myself into an autistic person's shoes entirely, although I can imagine what it must be like a little, but I can't always be thinking of what it must or must not feel like to be an autistic person.

Empathy is a complex thing. I don't think the general population have total empathy for everyone. I find most people only look out for themselves or people who have had the same experiences as them, and maybe they can express empathy for other people when they want to. But I've met some very selfish men. My step-dad is the most selfish person I have ever met and he's neurotypical. He only looks out for himself and if nobody is giving him any attention he will pretend to be ill, just to get that bit of attention. He doesn't care how others are feeling, as long as he's happy. And he's not the only neurotypical I have met who is like that.

It's also frustrating when someone mentions having lack of empathy due to ASD, other people think they're making a blanket statement in regards to all people with ASD.

I do have empathy, though. It's just limited. I don't meet the criteria for antisocial personality disorder. I'm pretty sure that, if anything, I have personality disorder, not otherwise specified.

You know, I think maybe you should consider getting counseling for this.

It's going to be a bit tough, because many counselors--especially the best ones--are people who care a good deal about understanding others and seeing things from others' perspectives. They will have trouble connecting with you, because you don't really care that much about it. (Ironically, they would have an easier time connecting with someone who had a lot of trouble making connections, but still had the desire to do so, as many autistic people do.) Some of them may worry that you are a danger to other people.

What you'll probably have to do is explain yourself carefully, in words, and set clear goals for what you want to learn in therapy. A useful goal would probably be to find a way to channel your antisocial impulses ("antisocial" here meaning "against society", not "introverted") into something that will neither cause you to obsess over hurting others, nor actually cause injury to a living creature.

You will have to explain very precisely that you know it is a bad idea to hurt a human being or a pet, and that you do not do this; that you are looking for help because you dislike your sadistic tendencies and wish to be rid of them without suppressing them in an unhealthy way.

I don't think that what you are trying to do is particularly unusual. Look at sports--American football, rugby, and similarly pseudo-violent team sports especially. NTs channel violent impulses into sports all the time. Perhaps you would be able to find something like that for yourself.

One possibility is that you are interested in how others react to painful situations. That may be something you can channel into a more scientific sort of experimentation, or direct against inanimate objects instead. You might try observation of creatures in a natural environment, without interfering with a bb gun. You could take apart appliances to see how they work and what happens when they are damaged. You could study historical catastrophes and learn how people react, and how they recover. Watching a pet snake eat crickets and mice could be an interesting experiment for you, if you could be sure you would not be tempted to hurt the snake. You could study biology and dissect animals which have been humanely killed and preserved for the purpose (science supply companies can generally get you frogs, fetal pigs, and even cats; remember that formalin is an irritant and you should protect your hands against it, and avoid breathing too much of it). You might even get into materials science, which is a branch of engineering and is often concerned with materials under strain, fatigue, and wear--like testing how much strain a machine part can take before it bends out of shape, or whether it will break instead of bending; or how long it takes a machine to wear to the point that it breaks, and where its weak points are, and which parts should be replaceable or should be redesigned.

There are probably better ways to express those impulses of yours. All you have to do is find them.

I have been thinking of ways to use my thoughts and put them to good use instead of letting them fester. Dissecting animals sounds like fun, except the cats. I couldn't do that. At this time, I can't afford to go to school for something else, but maybe down the road I will be able to afford those classes.

Hopefully I can find a doctor who specializes in this type of thing. Every time I don't act upon my thoughts, it's like I'm swallowing poison. Eventually I'm going to get full and the bottle will break. Should I be looking for a doctor who specializes in personality disorders?

AS isn't about lack of empathy. People with AS can empathize very strongly if they know that someone has a problem, it just isn't always easy for them to notice it.

If you feel like that you probably have a different issue, or something comorbid.

"empathy" and "sympathy" are two different things.

Autistics lack empathy but necessarily sympathy.
If anything sociopaths are the opposite.

Autistics have trouble figuring out social cues.
But are atleast as sympathic to suffering as anyone else.
Sociopaths are very adept getting into people's heads to manipulate them.
You cant do that without having great amounts of "empathy".
But sociopaths objectify the people around them and dont sympathize with them.

So empathy doesn't necessarily mean it's a good thing? Like when women glare at me, it's because they know it will intimidate me, so they do it? For some reason it's what they want me to feel, so they do it?

Because if that is true, then I now know what you mean when you say ''NTs lack empathy''. If empathy meant ''good intentions'' or ''someone considering someone else's feelings'', why is there bullying?

I think you might have big a problem, but I am no expert. Some of what you do and what you go through reminds me a bit of myself. Though its worth absoluely nothing, I'm going to offer my oppinion.
You said that it makes you feel calmer to look at things that are terrible? Specifically other people experiencing pain?
Well, I think that you do this for the same reason I do something similar; by watching something so indescribably horrible happening to other people, it pushes your own feelings out and makes your own situation look pretty darn good in comparison.
As for Autistic people and ASPIEs, I firmly believed that we are empathic, just in a different way. I think that we need to experience the emotion or physical feeling that we are being confronted with before we can empathize. Pain is easiest to empathize with, because even if the cause is different, the feeliong is the same. Emotions are a whole other ballgame. And don't people have to understand the root of the problem before they can empathize? A lot of people brings bad things down on themselves and its hard to empathize with that.
I do think you should seek help. I had violent fantasy, but they were all the same, and often as not involved me on the receiving end. You might want to consider medication, but be very, very careful about that. Speaking from personal experience, it might make things a hundred times worse.
Anyway, good luck.