What to do when you find out your Husband has Autism

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there are many positive aspects to aspies that is for sure...sometimes people just seem to focus on the negative

OP:

If you want to leave your husband just because he got diagnosed then either you need to speak to him about it or just do it, because no one deserves a spouse who quits because they got a diagnosis.

Beth V, I'm in the same place as you, except that I'm the husband who was diagnosed with Aspergers. It was a shock to both me and my wife in some ways, but actually more of a relief to finally know what's going on, and to be able to understand things. Since then, things have actually gotten better for us, as we have been able to look at events of the past and realize the AS was the cause, as opposed to me consciously doing things. This has helped us devise new strategies and come to agreement on things, like social occasions, family issues, etc. We've also both learned to compromise at times when it's possible, yet at others times when I can't change, she is understanding.

My question for you is: would you still want to bail out of the marriage if your husband was diagnosed with cancer, or MS, or something else instead of Aspergers???

If so, then you don't have much of a marriage and I advise you to run away as fast as you can. If not, then realize Aspergers is NOT a life threatening disease, but a neurological condition that you can work with. Give it go…

It depends how you define quit... I got diagonsed and my wife wants a seperation... she hasn't quit because she doesn't want a divorce..I am working hard to improve. but if she does end up going down that road for a divorce, then yes I believe she has quit and taken the easy option and that is poor form.
see my thread for more info

my sentiments actually.. give it a go everyone deserves a second chance

I have never been that extreme but I did chew my husband out for spending literally a dollar, a dollar. I was not aware of this and after that he decided "enough" and took over the finances and things have been better. Plus I don't go around turning off appliances people are using. I do turn off the TV or lights if they are not in use. But I would rather be cold than spend more money on electricity. I just kept my son bundled up during the winter because my husband kept using the baseboard in our bedroom and I wanted to keep the bill down so I refused to use heat out in the living room/dining room. I hate how high the bill was so I quit using heat. My husband worries I would cancel our son's birthday because of my obsession over money and he has scared me about his money spending. So he told me I sometimes scare him with my money obsession and I asked how so and he told me I may cancel our kid's birthday saying we have no money so we can't do it that year. I also refuse to use AC during the summer unless it's a heatwave over 90 degrees. I use regular fans instead since they hardly use any electricity. I will also use it at night for several hours to cool my apartment down because heat gets trapped in here and doesn't leave the apartment even with the windows open so I use AC for it.

I'm happy for you that you could get your wife to actually open up, learn, and work with you. Right now I'm having trouble getting my girlfriend to do that. A bunch of stuff came out between us that I never realized was ever even an issue until she came right out and told me. Now lately here, she's been complaining about certain behaviors of mine, and I really want her to read about autism so she will understand that I don't do certain things purposely or consciously. So far, she has no interest in learning about it, but thru two of our mutual friends, hopefully, she'll understand.