Aspies leaving WP due to percieved "tone"

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Are you aware of individuals on the spectrum that have a) decided not to join WP, or b) left WP, due to a percieved "tone"?
Poll ended at 07 Feb 2013, 5:16 pm
Yes, I don't know why (individuals) left/did'nt join 5%  5%  [ 6 ]
No, I'm not aware of anyone who left/did'nt join 54%  54%  [ 61 ]
Yes, they indicated they did'nt like "negativity" 21%  21%  [ 23 ]
Yes, they indicated that the site was too positive towards ASDs 1%  1%  [ 1 ]
Yes, they thought the site is too pro-cure 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Yes, they thought the site did'nt take their interests into account 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Yes, they felt awkward posting when they have had better life experences 2%  2%  [ 2 ]
Other/please explain in a post 13%  13%  [ 15 ]
Total votes : 112

MakaylaTheAspie
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24 Jan 2013, 12:58 pm

Yes, and I've seen many reasons.

"People on here don't value my opinion enough." "I don't feel like this atmosphere is good enough for me." "I don't like so-and-so 'attacking' every post I make because it's ignorant and hurtful." "I got banned by a moderator." "I have to leave because I don't feel like this website is productive." "This site is too anti-cure." "Apparently being a d*ck on my threads when I deliberately asked for help from other members doesn't fly very well."

While most of those seem like jokes, I've seen those before. A year and a half on here will show you enough. :lol:


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nessa238
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24 Jan 2013, 1:11 pm

MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
Yes, and I've seen many reasons.

"People on here don't value my opinion enough." "I don't feel like this atmosphere is good enough for me." "I don't like so-and-so 'attacking' every post I make because it's ignorant and hurtful." "I got banned by a moderator." "I have to leave because I don't feel like this website is productive." "This site is too anti-cure." "Apparently being a d*ck on my threads when I deliberately asked for help from other members doesn't fly very well."

While most of those seem like jokes, I've seen those before. A year and a half on here will show you enough. :lol:


Can I ask where you are hearing these reasons - are the people posting them in a thread or pm'ing them to you?



Jaden
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24 Jan 2013, 1:16 pm

rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Jaden wrote:
rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
Jaden wrote:
rabidmonkey4262 wrote:
There are some self-pitying types, but usually I just ignore them. Some people don't realize that staring at a computer screen all day is not going to fix your life.


Some people don't realize that getting up from said computer screen and going places when you're noticibly different than everyone else, doesn't necessarily fix your life either, in fact it may even make it slightly worse for some. Some of us know this because of the experience of doing so.

It's not simply a way of life or a lifestyle choice, it's just who we are.
This is exactly the attitude I'm talking about. So what if you're different. I'm different too. Just accept it and move on because life is tough for everyone. Feeling sorry for yourself and complaining about your low self-esteem is not the solution; get out there and do something about it. Train for a marathon, volunteer, take martial arts classes, ride a bike...

A little venting and complaining is okay, but it's not going to solve any long-term problems. You have to be ambitious and approach life with fortitude.


I never said I felt sorry for myself and my self esteem is just fine, you just assume those things because of whatever stereotype that you're thinking of (couch potato in mom's basement perhaps?). I accepted that I was different a long time ago and I don't bother with society because I know the reactions I will get, just like every other time.
You assume that I have a particular stereotype in mind, which I don't. Being different is not an excuse to not "bother with society." Who cares if you get reactions from other people? Learn from them and move on. Just the other day I was accosted by a thug because I smiled at the wrong time. I have short hair and I don't conform to gender norms, so he thought I was a dude and was about to pick a fight with me. Little incidents like this just happen. You can choose to cope with them and keep integrating yourself into society or you can choose not to bother, as you put it.


:roll: You're not quite getting what I'm saying. I don't use being different as an excuse. I'm perfectly fine with who I am and where I am, and based on what I've seen of society, I'm better off not wasting time and energy that is better spent on things that will eventually pay off.
You say you don't have a particular stereotype in mind, yet your whole basis for this conversation is a stereotype (that people with problems have low self esteem, have self pity, and use their difference as an excuse to not try to be a part of society), and going out and trying to be a part of society is not a magic solution that will work for everyone.
Also, "little incidents" like the one you describe, don't "just happen". There is no such thing as "smiling at the wrong time" that would warrent such a violent reaction. That violent reaction is the result of ignorance, stupidity, and idiocy, and sadly there's more of that in society than people would like to admit exists. Now I ask you, what kind of person (even out of "normal people") would willingly and probably unnecessarily put themselves in a position that could potentially hold a violent outcome for them? If you burned your hand on a burner, would you stick your hand on it again hoping you don't get burned, or just learn that it was hot and not do it again?
You see, I stuck my hand in the burner known as society many times, and eventually I said "I'm tired of being burned", and I didn't do it again after, as I'm sure many others have as well.

Edit: sorry OP, didn't see your post as this took me a while, I'm curious as to where this sub-thread might be? I haven't seen it.


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Last edited by Jaden on 24 Jan 2013, 1:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

MakaylaTheAspie
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24 Jan 2013, 1:16 pm

nessa238 wrote:
MakaylaTheAspie wrote:
Yes, and I've seen many reasons.

"People on here don't value my opinion enough." "I don't feel like this atmosphere is good enough for me." "I don't like so-and-so 'attacking' every post I make because it's ignorant and hurtful." "I got banned by a moderator." "I have to leave because I don't feel like this website is productive." "This site is too anti-cure." "Apparently being a d*ck on my threads when I deliberately asked for help from other members doesn't fly very well."

While most of those seem like jokes, I've seen those before. A year and a half on here will show you enough. :lol:


Can I ask where you are hearing these reasons - are the people posting them in a thread or pm'ing them to you?


No, they don't explicitly state this, but I can name off the top of my head several former Wrong Planet members who left for these reasons. They will often start out posting about how horrible their experiences are, and many of us try to sympathize with them because we can relate. It starts spiraling downward from there. I've seen people say that everyone needs to be cured because they're horrible and diseased, I've seen my fellow members attacked for no apparent reason (which makes me angry), and like I mentioned earlier, there's the ones who refuse any advice or help that they specifically asked for.

Don't get me wrong though, I love this website.


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CyclopsSummers
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24 Jan 2013, 1:17 pm

^There's a 'Back/Away' thread somewhere... Either in Random or Members Only devoted to posters signing off, usually temporarily, and often stating the reasons why. I've seen posters leave for various reasons as well, WP's regular poster body changes quite fast compared to some other forums, as can be seen in ressurrected threads from 3 or 4 years ago. A lot of people I used to interact with back then, aren't posting anymore. But I don't think that they leave due to a general trend of across-the-board negativity, they usually leave for personal reasons, which vary a lot.


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24 Jan 2013, 3:54 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
some of the complaints here remind me of those people who state on their dating profiles that they "don't want drama". have you ever noticed that such people always seem to generate their own drama, more so than your average people? or like the people who complain that 99% of the world is mean to them, which is statistically impossible - they are actually being mean to everyone they meet.

WrongPlanet is a mixture of positive and negative. it's effectively neutral. but if you bring the negativity with you into threads, that's what you are going to see, everywhere you go. the people who tend to be positive and supportive, or at least neutral, are not complaining about the tone of the site. they are off spreading sunshine and happiness (or at least quiet support) in the forum, which some people are just not noticing under their clouds of gloom.

you want negativity? you will find it.
you want positivity? you will find it.
you expect curebies? they are everywhere.
you expect autism pride? it is everywhere.

for those people that complain of negativity, the best way to change that is to check your own attitude and make a shift, because i am willing to bet that any member could trawl through your posts and see the very same negativity that you are complaining about!

the fact is, we are not neutral machines that filter experiences with any measure of objectivity. we look at posts and threads through the filter of our own expectations and experiences and moods. WrongPlanet is a different animal to each of us, and each of us change it a little bit when we interact with it.



ahaha you aced it, right on, my thoughts exactly.



answeraspergers
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24 Jan 2013, 4:54 pm

The "world is your mirror" argument is not sufficient quite clearly there are people who want and find very different things
The idea that the elements of positive and negative cancel each other out is also questionable. They dont exist at an equal "effectively neutral" split
The idea that one example from someones history is to invalid an argument is simply poor sampling and probably unrepresentative



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24 Jan 2013, 5:26 pm

Dreycrux wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
some of the complaints here remind me of those people who state on their dating profiles that they "don't want drama". have you ever noticed that such people always seem to generate their own drama, more so than your average people? or like the people who complain that 99% of the world is mean to them, which is statistically impossible - they are actually being mean to everyone they meet.

WrongPlanet is a mixture of positive and negative. it's effectively neutral. but if you bring the negativity with you into threads, that's what you are going to see, everywhere you go. the people who tend to be positive and supportive, or at least neutral, are not complaining about the tone of the site. they are off spreading sunshine and happiness (or at least quiet support) in the forum, which some people are just not noticing under their clouds of gloom.

you want negativity? you will find it.
you want positivity? you will find it.
you expect curebies? they are everywhere.
you expect autism pride? it is everywhere.

for those people that complain of negativity, the best way to change that is to check your own attitude and make a shift, because i am willing to bet that any member could trawl through your posts and see the very same negativity that you are complaining about!

the fact is, we are not neutral machines that filter experiences with any measure of objectivity. we look at posts and threads through the filter of our own expectations and experiences and moods. WrongPlanet is a different animal to each of us, and each of us change it a little bit when we interact with it.



ahaha you aced it, right on, my thoughts exactly.


:D

Glad I'm not the only one who sees it.


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CyborgUprising
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24 Jan 2013, 6:13 pm

Most of the people who have defected from WP have seemed to indicate that they were less-than-satisfied with Moderators' conduct (no specifics given) or feel as if other Members constantly attack their views.

IMO (for what little it's worth), if you cannot take the heat, stay out of the kitchen (oh, and don't touch the oven either).



Chloe33
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24 Jan 2013, 7:06 pm

answeraspergers wrote:
I signed.

I expected a community of advanced compassionate individuals - all i found was a downer and argument. Like most forums to be fair.


It seems it's universal when it comes to forums on the web.
There is always someone that wants to either
A. provoke others (either blatantly or sneaky via wordings etc)
B. or start drama for attention

This happens probably on every forum out there with a lot of posters belonging to it.
Its a universal internet issue i guess..



Zaswe12
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24 Jan 2013, 7:09 pm

I might leave, because of the butthurt, NT bashing, and just plain bashing on things, if you don't like something don't say mean things about it, unless it's constructive criticism. Or maybe I am the one who is butthurt. I rather be on some other forum. But I'll stick around and see how things play out.



Last edited by Zaswe12 on 24 Jan 2013, 9:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Jaden
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24 Jan 2013, 7:11 pm

Chloe33 wrote:
answeraspergers wrote:
I signed.

I expected a community of advanced compassionate individuals - all i found was a downer and argument. Like most forums to be fair.


It seems it's universal when it comes to forums on the web.
There is always someone that wants to either
A. provoke others (either blatantly or sneaky via wordings etc)
B. or start drama for attention

This happens probably on every forum out there with a lot of posters belonging to it.
Its a universal internet issue i guess..


It's not just forums with a lot of members, I've owned a couple of forums that only had about 17 members total, only 5 or 6 were active and it seems like that's all they did was start an argument or keep one going, or bring friends to back up their false views in hopes that having more people saying it would make it true. It's pretty stupid actually, I frown on people who do that sort of thing, even I have more important things to do than that, and even if I didn't, I at least am more mature than the 4 year old mentality that these "trolls" have.


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nessa238
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24 Jan 2013, 7:17 pm

Jaden wrote:
Chloe33 wrote:
answeraspergers wrote:
I signed.

I expected a community of advanced compassionate individuals - all i found was a downer and argument. Like most forums to be fair.


It seems it's universal when it comes to forums on the web.
There is always someone that wants to either
A. provoke others (either blatantly or sneaky via wordings etc)
B. or start drama for attention

This happens probably on every forum out there with a lot of posters belonging to it.
Its a universal internet issue i guess..


It's not just forums with a lot of members, I've owned a couple of forums that only had about 17 members total, only 5 or 6 were active and it seems like that's all they did was start an argument or keep one going, or bring friends to back up their false views in hopes that having more people saying it would make it true. It's pretty stupid actually, I frown on people who do that sort of thing, even I have more important things to do than that, and even if I didn't, I at least am more mature than the 4 year old mentality that these "trolls" have.


Well I'm afraid if it's a choice between housework or watching a row online I know what I'd choose every time!

I must be more attuned to human drama than yourselves

I don't go out of my way to create it but I don't run away from it either



answeraspergers
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24 Jan 2013, 8:37 pm

Basically ego and black and white thinking do lead to trolling and flaming

Disagree with original assertion to the point of extreme, then assert that yours is superior to the extreme.

Part of me thought to write a trolling formula - but I know someone will soon chirp in with "nah thats crap - my trolling formula is better" lol



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24 Jan 2013, 9:25 pm

I think an earnestly argued point is not trolling. I also see that people are often quick to judge disagreement as flaming.



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24 Jan 2013, 9:32 pm

I left for a little while because a couple of things pissed me off. I then discovered that there are no other similar forums with a decent base of posters; most other autism forums I found had about 20 posts per day. I also realised I could just learn to ignore posts or people who pissed me off; if you wish spend life avoiding every situation in which you might be irritated or annoyed then you will probably just need to sit on the sofa doing nothing and interacting with nobody.

I honestly don't feel as if this forum is any more negative or positive than any other large online community I have been a member of. The WoW forums for example are a LOT more negative than WP in my experience. Here I see disparate opinions and types of people who hold both positive and negative attitudes; for sure there is the occasional prime f***wit but then this is the internet, 5 minutes reading youtube comments should demonstrate to anyone that compared to some places WP is a beacon of tolerance and positivity. I honestly don't think there is a problem and I feel unsure as to the OP's agenda. I'm not going to say this is being done in bad faith but I don't think it's useful. As several other people have indicated, the way to stop negativity is not to create more of it by calling out a large number of people and telling them they are being negative. It's kinda funny actually because these couple of threads about this topic have been some of the most intolerance and negativity filled threads I have seen recently on WP.