IDontGetIt wrote:
Did I mention special interests? NO.
What, do you think I imagine life is a binary state which either involves chit chat or special interests?
I was talking exclusively about chit chat itself.
And because I expressed a general dislike of chit chat you extrapolate from that that I think families, relationships and charity are stupid shallow and selfish?
NO. I was talking about chit chat.
And I wasn't saying "I wish people would stop chit chat so I can talk endlessly about something".
By the way - I have a job, I have a daughter, I have a girlfriend and I give money to charity. That would appear to tick your boxes for what makes someone a wonderful person. But I don't crow about it.
"The problem related throughout this thread is that the chit chat just goes on and on." I said that too, but you chose not to quote it, even though it gives context to the rest of what you quoted. The point I was making is that chit chat seldom seems to move on to anything more meaningful. And before you say it - NO, I'M NOT EXPECTING EVERYBODY TO SPOUT FORTH ABOUT A SPECIAL INTEREST.
Just to recap - I was talking about chit chat.
I stand corrected.
I would say that it is up to you to make the effort into veering a topic of small talk into something more interesting, to a middle ground that is not chit chat but is not baring one's soul. I do find many people are quite receptive to it, unless they are obligated to not speak at length to anyone (say, the host of a function, who has to accommodate all the guests). Usually people in more educated circles are fond of such dialogues popping up. Academics are wonderful to socialize with for that. I once dated an English Professor and I can't tell you what a fantastic education I got from hearing him converse with his colleagues, talking shop! And they love to answer questions!! ! Try to find people who are intelligent and educated. There are ways to draw people out of their complacency. Usually it is a mix of smiles and genuine interest in figuring out what they know and/or value. I love pulling information out of people, and I've found most people who are intelligent are extremely happy to go on and on about their own passions and areas of expertise. I am a perpetual student. I could care less about someone's interest in their dogs unless they have something really interesting to say about it, say teaching me something that I had no idea about (one coworker told me she used to feed her puppies raw meat from the butcher instead of dog food and explained the reasoning behind it, which I found interesting). Even if I can walk away with one new nugget of knowledge, I can tolerate it. I will endure someone's blather trying to get that "thing" out of them, because after all I deserve it after sitting through all that, right? LOL
In my old age I've also been learning to like people for just being people. That English Professor I dated was so open and affable to people, whereas I was so standoffish and untrusting. I enjoyed the contrast of his personality against mine, and I felt he was a safety crutch for me, allowing me the socialization without having to be the one initiating or maintaining it. I tend to intellectualize things too much, and I deeply admire the person who would run into a burning building for sake of helping a stranger, regardless of the potential of harm to himself. I realize a person like that may or may not be as intellectual as I am--they may even love endless social chit chat--but their hidden ability to be heroic outshines me as a person exponentially. If I don't admire someone's brain at least I can admire that they might be the person who would one day pull me out of a burning building when nobody else would. I used to be demeaning of people who were not as intellectually on par with me, but I've learned that I'm quite rife with my own shortcomings, and to not dislike people simply because they don't think like I do.
01 Apr 2013, 9:40 pm
