Aspergers and victim complex

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Then speak for yourself only. Don't pretend you know exactly what's going on in other people's heads based on yourself. Not everyone is like you.

I wonder what kind of "complex" drives people to harass and harangue others for supposedly having a "victim complex."

And what is up lately with threads telling people how they're supposed to behave? Like that one with the guy telling Aspies to not be so egotistical about their interests.

Haven't gotten over their own "victim complex" probably. I don't understand why we use all this violent language when we're such a snotty passive-aggressive society. People are all words and bluster.

As I've been reading the development of this thread, I found myself remembering the 1980s, when "new age" was the fashion (an awful fashion in my view) and the new agers (who thought they had the answer to everything) really got into labelling others - who disagreed with them that affirmations et al were the answer to everything - "victims". And another of their favourite ways of stigmatising others was to sanctimoniously announce to anyone who was having, or had had, a bad time was to arrogantly state, "You chose this" - your parents, your fate, everything was YOUR FAULT! So just say 300000000000 affirmations I am deserving and the universe loves me...and the Universe hears and loves you (lol). New agers tried to make it politically incorrect to be a victim, because it was - according to them - just another choice. Their only answer to critics who asked how someone would choose racist (or any other oppression) was the lame "you chose your destiny/incarnation so you have no right to complain about it". New Age was a wonderful philosophy for oppressors, narcissists, ego-trippers, and the mindset is still out there even if the vocabulary has changed.

I am no doubt old-fashioned though I prefer, and aspire to, a mindset of compassion rather than stigmatisation and blaming the victim.

B19 well said.
I would never be mean to another WP member so to the OP I say this I will not hold this thread again you.

just a view of mine but.....this is a support forum for people all over the spectrum,and membership differs greatly in social/social communication functioning and understanding.
many people havent been diagnosed for that long in their life so theyre still coming to terms with the years theyve spent with difficulties that were never supported.

some people have comorbid mental health conditions that can give them a pesamistic outlook.

some people have had bad upbringings as a result of being misunderstood and undiagnosed which can give some a pesamistic outlook.

they may be talking factualy/truthfuly from their own experience;not seeing their difficulties in a negative way when they mention the difficulties;they may lack the mental capacity, and/or social communication and/or ToM to know how this can be viewed by other people-and am speaking from experience with how both lack of MC,ToM and SC causes OTT truthfulness in posts of mine.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I have pretty much been surprised every time someone has accused me of seeking pity when I am just trying to describe my situation.

I remember one time there was a thread about cooking, and I mentioned how hard it is, so OliveOilMom posted some clear, explicit instructions on how to cook chicken and some other stuff and that was great. I mean, that was a practical, helpful response to the problems many expressed. Much better than "stop looking for pity!"

I've seen another forum where people are straightforward about their problems, and they get advice and encouragement, rather than accusations of "playing the victim." It's extremely supportive and helpful. And yes, they do not hold back - if you have problems, fix them and here is some advice that may help. But that's okay, because they're not couching them in language that invokes shame.

[quote="B19"]"You chose this" - your parents, your fate, everything was YOUR FAULT! /quote]
I'm not into the New Age thing but actually I believe into the "choice" too. Well, I'm not sure if there is reincarnation or not but assuming there is I believe the soul chooses a life it wants to experience just like a player chooses a game he wants to play. So yeah, it's all my fault, your fault, the "victim" fault. The problem is what you do with it. You can say "Ok. Fine. Whatever." and blame yourself how stupid your soul was or you might say "I chose that life for a reason. I wanted to experience it. I will find a way to get through the life as well as I can. I will do my best. It's a lesson to my soul after all."

That kind of outlook naturalizes and excuses prejudice, discrimination, etc. "Because you chose to live that life."

Not really a healthy outlook.

That's a bit harsh. I think it's more about how often it happens to people and for what reason they were rejected.
I wasn't really bullied until my early adult years where I was targeted because of my autism. It's made me less trustful of people and rather wanting to forget about the whole friendship thing.

Most of my social issues are because of how my autism manifests and a few others disorders like PDA, ODD and bipolar. I have to deal with a lot of problems that NTs don't have to go through. And if they do it's mild in comparison.
I've kept it to myself but lately I've discovered that even though I have few friends I can't share my interests with them, even when I know people into the same interest. They won't seek me out. Maybe my moods are just too extreme for them or whatever. And that's something I have to learn to live with. But that together with my depression and my mini manias that make me actually want to connect more to people, is a lot to deal with.

This is a support forum where people who are completely different and often outcast from people around them come to reach out because they are feeling lonely or misunderstood. If you don't like it then leave. This forum was created for people to find like minds, people going through the same thing.

This whole thing about your life ending up the way it is because it was your choice is all BS too.

When people have mental health issues and even neurological disorders, they are less in control of their ability to choose. Especially when they have impulsive disorders. I have times when I lose control of myself, spend like crazy, just blurt things out and make decisions based on emotions. So there are plenty of times when I don't even have the ability to choose.

I don't believe in souls though. This body is mine and mine only.

I think I understand now why I just want to stop talking to people. I started out as a self-advocate who thought if I lay down the facts then that will be enough to make people understand what it's like to live with the disorders I have. But then you run into the anti-labellers who think you just want to make excuses or want attention when you talk about your disorders.

Some things happen beyond our control, even to NTs. Does someone choose to marry an abusive partner? Does someone choose to be evicted? Does someone choose to lose a child? I could go on.

I've come across New Age memes on Facebook and I just laugh at them. The same people who think we make our own choices in life are the same people who think angels guide us or whatever. I know I should keep an open mind but when they don't keep an open mind about me then all bets are off. I think I said that right.

But you know what? I probably did choose to be unemployed, still dependent on my family at 28, with severe anxiety issues, bipolar, hypoglycemia, and epilepsy because it just felt like such an ideal way to be. (Sarcasm).



You Sir, are my hero.

I can't even imagine what it's like to enjoy speaking about some of the lowest moments of your life. When I write about those things I experience those emotions all over again. I was trying to write about how anxiety affects me and I just got more anxious. When I begin to talk about the many times I've been suicidal due to my bipolar I actually risk falling into those thoughts again.

I don't want people to feel sorry for me because I hate to be seen as weaker than them. It's bad enough I have to burden them with my anxiety. I know I'm not weaker, just very very unfortunate to have so many side effects from one med that I stopped taking 8 months ago that are still happening.

Even people with BPD are said to make themselves the victim but those people hardly have any choice in what they do. It's the illness that decides for them. I remember I wanted medical treatment so bad but couldn't utter the words out so I threatened to harm myself and it just blew up in my face. So I decided to suppress it which just cripples my body.

I just like it when people know the facts. I like to learn factual information so I think others will be the same.

That's exactly how it goes.
Imagine you an immortal being living out of time and the only thing you can do is to enter countless amount of lifes and experience them. At first you will probably choose a lot of easy, painless lifes but one day you will just get bored of them. You will want to try something else. So you choose a harder life. To see if you will be able to successfully get trough it.

You don't choose a hard mode in a game unless you are already bored with easy or normal.

I don't really get it either, I have had instances where I attempt to explain my situation or my past, and people will accuse me of wanting pity or being 'such a victim as if I chose to get bullied, and chose to have someone with a gun come in the school and shoot someone and even chose to be affected with PTSD. Not sure why people jump on the 'don't play the victim card' bandwagon....I fail to see how talking about difficulties and god forbid acknowledging being a victim of something if you have been is playing a victim card.

One could acknowledge being a victim. No shame in that. We've all been victim at one time or another.

We should talk about being victimized; it's a catharsis.

The danger lies when "being a victim" becomes the main ideology in one's life.

I agree with this so much sometimes. I have become more and more open about being on the spectrum in various areas of my life, trying to help people understand my challenges, and instead many people tell me I am trying to escape accountability for my actions, or want special treatment, or could change my behaviors if I really wanted to because "everyone has the ability to choose their own destiny" etc.