Write your 3 positives about being on the spectrum

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Indeed, there's lots of "self-fulfilling prophecy" creation among people on the Spectrum. It is assumed by at least some, that Spectrum status equates to an inevitable lack of success in the "NT world." Hence, some might give up before they even start.

EvilReligion, if you can, obtain a copy of Tony Attwood's "Complete Guide to Aspergers" and look up page 331.
You will see a table there that describes many of the same positive characteristics you have noted in your ASD son. It may also be an invaluable resource for you in years to come.

Ok this is good to know!


I'm not saying that there is anything unusual or even bad about this. My youngest is simply a normal two year old and at about this age most 2 year olds do learn to manipulate others. This is why it's known as the terrible twos, they learn to exert their will and learn that they can get others to do what they want. It's a perfectly normal part if development. In many ways it's a very important part. My eldest's lack of development in this area, whilst beautiful, makes him very vulnerable. So whilst I do love this about him for his own good I wish he was a bit more manipulative!



Acting up for ones patents is again a perfectly normal behavioural trait which pretty much every parent I have met has observed in their kids. It's actually the sign of a securely attached child. He knows our love is unconditional and so will test what he can get away with. He knows that no matter what he does we will always love him and so he can act vile with us to test his boundaries. This is an important way in which kids learn. With his grand mother and other people who may look after him he is not quite so certain of their unconditional love and so will tend to behave better. Again this is all very normal behaviour and nothing I worry about. Most of the time he is absolutely delightful with us but sometimes he does play these little games and test his boundaries.

Now my eldest had never tried this nonsense. He simply lacks the theory if mind to form ideas about how different people may react differently to his behaviour. Again, whilst this is lovely, it also makes him vulnerable. His lack of a good theory of mind means he may not modify his behaviour in appropriate ways depending on who he is with. So he might say hug strangers or worse wander off with them. If he continues to be very securely attached to us (which he also is) then he may think of all people like us and so trust them like us. So again this innocence is absolutely beautiful but its also terrifying!



Cool. I'll never be a dreadful mother because I'm a man!! But I take your point.


Ok that's really good to know and perhaps I had a bit of overly emotional reaction. I hope I have clarified my thinking on these matters and you understand that I really really do not in any way think of my nt son as bad in any way. He is just a normally developing kid my autistic son is very different to him and as with all differences there are good and bad things about it. I was really just listing 3 good things autistic kids can have over NT kids but as I think about this further there is actually a dark side or danger to each of those traits as well, some of which I have highlighted above. I still love the 3 things I listed about my eldest though regardless of their negative aspects.

Hope this clarifies things.

Give you both a bonus positive for working that out!

I am free from addiction to watching other men play sport.

I can think for myself without feeling I have to believe what society says I should believe.

I can give myself BJ's.

I'd like to add a slight twist to this thread if I may be permitted.

I have written 3 positives I find in my son about being on the spectrum but would now like to list 3 positive about being the parent of an autistic child. These are different and distinct from the positives about my son. I know that normally parents are accused of moaning too much about how terrible their lives are so this is to counterbalance that.

1- I have become a far more tolerant person. I am less judgemental of other parents and tend to accept "bad" behaviour in children more sympathetically. Also I am far more tolerant of "rude" behaviour towards me as I now understand that the person may not intend to be rude they might just have a different perspective to me. And this tolerance extends beyond just people on the spectrum. This is because I have a greater understanding of parenting, kids and people in general. I guess this greater insight stems from having to parent an a-typical child. I get a perspective on a different type of mind every single day and so this gives me reference points and data most people don't have access to.

2- I understand myself better. Being an autism dad has forced me to really learn about a whole load of stuff I would never have learned. Prior to autism my main areas of scientific interest were physics and whilst I did have some interest in the philosophy of the mind, psychology and neuroscience were not high on my list of reading material. But after my sons diagnosis I have read and read and read mostly I have been trying to understand how my son might think and see the world. In trying to understand this I have achieved a greater understanding of myself and of human beings in general. Trying to comprehend how a different type of brain may think necessarily forces one to examine how ones own brain thinks and this introspection, I think, makes me wiser.

3- I have met many wonderful people. This is both on-line and in "real life". These are all people with a spectrum connection of some kind or another. They are parents, carers, professionals and autistic people. These are fascinating people who I would never have otherwise met. Its kind of like being a member of a special club. Granted no one really chose to be in this club and membership was thrust upon us when the autism fairy bestowed her somewhat dubious gift on a loved one, but nonetheless the members of this club have enriched our lives with their compassion, generosity and love.

me too. I pat dogs, and their owners say they're never this friendly to strangers. I patted a poodle, and she licked my hand and wagged her tail, and I commented to her owner how friendly she is, and the owner said she's never friendly to strangers and bit someone who patted her once.

Me too.

It was very refreshing to read a post like this. Thank you. I hope you would get a positive response if you posted it in the parents' forum on WP, though sadly I am doubtful that would happen.. though maybe?

1. Hmm ...
2. Hmm ...
3. Hmm ...

I don't know how to answer this question. That would require me to make assumptions on how being Autistic has enhanced my own personality. I never knew me as a Neurotypical, so how can I know?

I can't think of anything. Even the things what are positive seem to land me issues.

You are very empathetic
You have musical talent
You have a nice sense of humour