Has this site suddenly become more nasty?

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It has, when people are judging you for your special interest that's when I call BS.

We should be accepting of others no matter their interest. There is NO reason to insult someone over a harmless interest.

I don't think it's nasty but it's frustrating having to walk on eggshells. I hate it when I make a valid point and then a person takes offense and appeals to some kind of group morale that I'm an a**hole and worthy of reporting.

In fact when I look at this thread, I can't help but feel that any 'nastyness' comes from misinterpretation, or rather, different styles of thinking/posting.

I think that people should post what they think, as long as they don't violate forum rules.

"It's not what you say it's how you say it" is a bad idea to guide forum behavior on wp.
Many autistic people simply can't take this how you say it into account or guess how other people will take what they say and how they said it.

Ackshuly, I don't find most of the how they said it to be offensive or mean or nasty at all, I wouldn't even notice anything unusual unless someone else posts to say that is nasty, from their perspective, not eberryone's.

^this.

It's really not possible beyond vague predictions of probabilities.
There's a chance you could run into someone who is offended by eggz & berriez.

I think that wp with people all supporting each other and saying "nice" things all the time would become enabling paradise for maladaptive behaviors.

My parents often warned me against listening too much to people online, as they may say "nice" things that agree with me, but they don't really know me or care about me in the way that family and friends do.

Someone who really cared wouldn't say "nice" things all the time, as some amount of criticism or judgment is usually necessary to help a person through a situation in life.

Sometimes, I "put things" differently in order to make a point. I don't try to be "nice" merely to be "nice," though. If I seek to give advice, there's always a point to the advice. Sometimes, that "point" is not always palatable to the recipient of the advice.

Sometimes, the most direct approach is not the proper approach.

Think about giving babies medicines: Do you believe the baby will take the medicine directly from a spoon? Or do you think the baby will take the medicine when it is mixed with what he/she thinks is delicious food?

Your post is very well said and very well put across (without being harsh - which is what I was getting at).

Can I email you some extra nip It's eggcellent stuff.

Sounds like eggnog to me!

I would most prefer to take advice that is straightforward, without anything added to obscure the message of what it is I should do.

This relates to what I said before about the nature of autism support groups, people giving straightforward suggestions of what to do and how to do it.

I always give straightforward advice.

You and a few others, Norny too, say what you think and sometimes I think you're way wrong, but I don't see you targeting people to go after. Life isn't a game to me and you come across as honest and nice, both of you; that's rare and it's a lot more valuable than people (not referring to those in this thread, I don't think) mistaking going after someone for bluntness. Targeting someone is mean, and dressing it up by calling it bluntness as more people seem to do now does not change that. Anyway, thank you KraftieKortie and Norny for being kind I've appreciated that, as well as your honesty.

And come to think of it, I have been targeted a few times for saying what I think, too. But people say I'm nice. So I don't understand why people would say nice is opposite blunt, apparently I'm both in the extreme.

Or is this thread not meant to be taken literally?

I think the OP truly wanted to know if WrongPlanet has suddenly gotten more nasty.

Thanks.

Well, I feel at times like drama and controversy can follow me like a suck-egg pup. I can admittedly be a bit abrasive at times, but I don't think I am actually a huge cause of trouble unto myself.

The thing that I have noticed is that the longer you interact on a forum, the more you notice that what looked when you were less involved like civilized discussion is really a bunch of dirty snipes and underhanded button-pushing and provocation.

You will have drama anywhere. If you are looking for a place that doesn't have it, I tell you with not a trace of sarcasm, good luck.

Figure out who your friends are, and try to be understanding with people who have few other outlets for their dysregulated emotions. Patience is your friend.

I see that you got a few replies about the part "its not what you say its how you say it", and people who are saying they don't want to walk on eggshells (and I understand that because I've been there quite often), so I would like to rephrase your statement to this: "its not what you say, its the intention behind it". Whether you say something "nicely/politely" or "bluntly" is not really what matters (or at least personally I never had a problem with bluntness at all, there is a lot of good people who are also very blunt), its about the intentions behind the words/actions (i.e. good intentions versus intention to pick a fight or get a reaction, etc). There is a difference between a constructive conversation and a destructive one. If the other person is getting upset (and especially if he/she is telling you so, you can't pretend you didn't know at this point), just let it go, you can still disagree without going on and on about it (especially once you know the other person is getting upset).

I mentioned before that many members of my family were very blunt (its a mix of bluntness, toughness, and some of them are even cruel at times, especially my narcissistic uncle), but I never had an issue with the bluntness, only with the negativity and cruelty. For example, eventho most my aunts and uncles are rather blunt (and honest), one of my aunts was particularly negative and her "blunt" comments were constantly negative and destructive, I think she missed a few occasions where she should have just kept her "honest opinion" to herself, or at least let it go after mentioning it once or twice (among other comments, she wouldn't quit making nasty comments about my mother's weight, and one of her sister's white hair, over and over, every time she would see them).

Last edited by Shadi2 on 29 Dec 2014, 8:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I don't think that people need to stop stating their opinions on topics, if others say that they are upset by those opinions, as long as the statements were not personal attacks. People have the option not to read what others post, esp. if there is a pattern of someone posting similar views multiple times or in the past, then they know who to avoid if they don't want to read something that might upset them. It makes no sense to me, that other people should not say things that upset me, instead if I don't want to get upset, I could avoid reading.