What do you think it means if your therapist says he's not
androbot01
Veteran

Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
Once I volunteered at Autism Ontario and I went to the event. It was only the parents who were there and they were all exchanging stories about how hard it was on them to take care of their kids. They didn't show much interest in me except a slight startle, as if they hadn't considered that there are adults on the spectrum.
I hear ya. I had a similar experience listening to two parents talking about the perils of taking care of Autistic kids. When I told them I was Autistic they were shocked. And just two days ago I argued with the mom of an Autistic kid. I had to go to the ER because the sensory overload from the music from my neighbor's party 5 houses down the street was making me have some dangerous thoughts and I needed to take myself to a safe place for the night. One of the nurses asked me if I needed to speak to someone in "Crisis." I said "no". I just need a quiet place to sleep. I am fine as long as I am not being bombarded by this sensory overload from the neighbors. I was trying to tell her that I am not suicidal. I don't want to off myself just because I want to off myself. But when I am over loaded like this my body gets so desperate to get away from it that that becomes a real thought especially if it is invading my home and my personal and private space. I told her that I am Autistic and sometimes the sensory overload gets so strong that it causes me to have these thoughts just to get away from it and I am not the only Autistic person who has this happen.
She responded and said, "Autism does not make a person suicidal." I said, "Are you Autistic?" She said no but her kid is, implying that because she knows about her kid, who might not even be old enough and who might have all the support she needs so that she has never been faced with such levels of stress yet, she knows what Autism is like for everyone. And of course I am just putting my own feelings in. She might not think that at all but to make a blanket statement like that when she is talking to an Autistic adult who is twice her age who deals with this sort of thing every single day and knows exactly what causes the thoughts, I think she was a bit presumptuous and quite rude to respond the way she did. She was very young so I imagine her kid is very young also. But it reminded me that parents of Autistic kids always seem to think they know more about Autism than than Autistic people even if those Autistic people are old enough to be their parents. That is pretty sad. Having an Autistic kid is one thing. Being an Autistic kid is quite another and it doesn't stop when we grow up.
But it was very interesting to me that rather than listen and learn from someone who has lived with it for half a century, she was more interested in defending her position about what she thinks she knows about the condition that I actually have. I would have found it to make more sense if she had had this defensive talk with another parent. But to stare an Autistic adult in the face and directly challenge my experiences which I not only struggle with and overcome every day but was actually in the midst of dealing with at that exact moment, that's a bit much. I don't even know the word to describe that.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
androbot01
Veteran

Joined: 17 Sep 2014
Age: 54
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,746
Location: Kingston, Ontario, Canada
I've had some specialists think that they can understand the autistic experience. They think that because they have read about it, that they can imagine it.
I did not continue to argue with her because I knew she would not be able to hear it. People don't want to face the reality of such a statement. After she left I told the other nurse who was listening to the whole thing more specifics about why it is so common for Autistic people to have suicidal thoughts and she was able to listen and said that she would help the other nurse understand. I told her that it's important for parents of Autistic children to understand the reality of what it can be like. And it's not like that for every single one of us. Some of us do extremely well and never struggle with those thoughts at all. But some of us do. It's not the Autism in and of itself that makes us have these thoughts so in a way she was right. But the way we are treated because of the symptoms and traits of Autism and the way that sensory overload and things like that can be so incredibly overwhelming, and because of Autism so many are unable to make friends and build any kind of bond with other people which makes them feel incredibly lonely and hopeless, these thoughts can occur and can occur much more frequently and much more intensely than regular people have them. So it's not the Autism itself that causes them but the effects of the issues that are a direct result of having Autism. So if you have an Autistic child you always need to know that that could be a reality for your child. If you refuse to acknowledge the possibility of that reality, you could potentially, have a very painful rude awakening.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
I think both of these cases, the nurse and the psyche are just examples of people saying things at the wrong time. And they say that if the same situation keeps occurring that there is a lesson that you are supposed to learn in it somewhere and it will keep happening until you learn it. So I don't really know yet what my lesson is in this. I did not flip out or react badly to either one of them. I actually think that my responses were particularly gentle and understanding towards both of them. And the funny thing is that they are both professionals who are supposed to be trained in communicating with people who are in crisis. If you are an ER nurse or a professional psychologist, you should know when to hold your tongue. Right after my psyche said what he said, he also said that he probably should not have said what he said when he did. And I appreciate that. I don't hold it against him and I am not angry at him because I am mature enough to understand that he too is human and I can certainly allow him that grace. I tell people sometimes that if you are going to be making those kinds of mistakes I am a good person to make them with because I will do my best to understand your humanity and be forgiving. I make so many mistakes myself, I don't want to treat people harshly if they make an honest mistake. Now if they are deliberately being mean that is one thing, but if they are just overwhelmed or they just slip up and make a human error, that is totally forgivable.
But it was just interesting to me that this nurse could tell someone who has just told her, I am struggling with this situation and this is why, as a response to what I just told her was going on with me, that no, I am wrong because what I have doesn't cause people to have those thoughts. What if I had really been suicidal, like really and seriously? The reason I can get through these moments so well is because they are a regular part of my life and I go through them every few weeks. So to me, it's just routine to pull myself out. And I have been doing this for over 40 years. But what if I had not had that personal ability? If I had been someone who is not used to dealing with these intense feelings all the time and pulling herself through them or if I had not had the strength to get through it myself, I am sure her comment and her attitude would have sent me over the edge. Now she did change her demeanor pretty quickly and ended up really helping me and I am very grateful to her for that. And I understand where she was coming from and I don't have any anger or bad feelings towards her at all.
But I think that some of these professional people have to really be careful about how they come across to a patient when the patient is in a vulnerable position. I remember when I was at one of the places that I mentioned earlier that caters to disabled people, except me, and all the volunteers were told, "You have to be very careful what you say in front of these 'kids.' They are really vulnerable and they don't always understand and interpret things the way you do so you might say something and mean one thing and they might hear it and understand it completely differently and you could really scare them and damage them." Well the leader who was saying those things had no problem just saying whatever the heck she felt like saying to me. And I was hurt by a lot of what she said. Of course she did not consider me disabled enough to be like the other "kids" but I was too Autistic at times for her to deal with and to keep me in her program. She could not accept of label my behavior as Autistic because then she would have to make it her responsibility to help me. But rather she just labelled my behavior as not suitable because I should be able to behave and act and understand and process and perceive things like an NT. But no matter what she said to me or what anyone said to me or in my hearing, because I appear so "normal" I was expected to just deal with it like any normal NT adult.
But people who work in a professional realm like therapy or like ER doctors and nurses need to be better trained on how to speak to people. Even if you don't believe that Autism can cause someone to have suicidal thoughts you don't say that to the Autistic person who is coming to you for refuge and just told you they are there because one of their Autistic symptoms is being so overtaxed that it is causing them suicidal thoughts.
It's like if I were to come in choking and blue and gasping for air and signal that I am choking on a hot dog and the nurse would say "No, that can't be it because people don't choke on hotdogs." Go figure.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
It's just amazing to me that people can act that way and have so little recognition of what they are doing. I'm really proud of you for being able to hold your own with people like that.
It's been slowly dawning on me the last few years how much I go into denial about the things I'm feeling because it seems like no one around me can understand or acknowledge what I'm experiencing. So sometimes I can't even make sense out of what is going on with me. Having someone talk to me that way would probably just make me shut down.
It actually would not surprise me at all to see a doctor or nurse tell someone who is obviously choking that it couldn't possibly be happening. They can be so callous towards obvious physical symptoms that it's a wonder to me if they can understand something like autism at all.
They let me sit in a chair in a corner of the waiting room and rest there for a couple of hours. It's a small thing but the difference it made for me was HUGE. I am extremely grateful.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
How can people NOT see the suffering that people with autism go through.
What are meltdowns? Aren't they indicative of a person suffering?
If an NT (or an autistic person) doesn't see that an autistic person is suffering during a meltdown, then their "theory of mind" is screwed up.
Perhaps, some people think that when autistic people go through meltdowns that they're "faking it" somehow.
What are meltdowns? Aren't they indicative of a person suffering?
If an NT (or an autistic person) doesn't see that an autistic person is suffering during a meltdown, then their "theory of mind" is screwed up.
Perhaps, some people think that when autistic people go through meltdowns that they're "faking it" somehow.
I think the problem is that we live in a very self entitled society. One of the main causes of my constant strife is other people's stereos. There are other noises as well but the stereos are the absolute number one issue. Now in order to help me survive that onslaught, one of the things I have to do is to listen to my own soothing music pretty much 24/7 through earbuds which are actually very painful. I don't have money to but nice earphones. Now here is the interesting part. I listen to music that I love pretty much all day and all night. I can't even sleep because I have to have my music on and my rain machine on because other people have to play their music as loud as they want.
No one hears my music because I have to use earbuds in order to hear it everywhere I am. But they don't do that. In order for them to hear it everywhere the are in their homes they blast it as loud as they can. When I play the radio on my car, I play it at a volume where I can hear it but it's not heard outside my car. I can enjoy it but no one else has to hear it. They have to play it as loud as they possibly can so that the whole world can hear it.
When I spoke to the city council about this and when I try to explain to some people about how this affects us, one of the things I hear a lot is, they are entitled to their first amendment right of freedom of speech and freedom of expression. People, including city government officials, have seriously said this and somehow really believe this. My response is, what about my constitutional right to life? I tell them that it is not freedom of speech and expression to invade other people's homes and personal spaces because you want to listen to what you want to listen to. What if I came into their homes all day every day and into their cars and into their campsites and accosted them on the streets everywhere they went and shined a super strength search light into their eyes because I enjoyed that and it made me feel good? Would they defend me and say that is my right to freedom of expression? I think not.
The other thing I hear a lot is, "it's not that loud." Well if it's loud enough to be playing in my house, than yes, it's that loud.
The problem is that people like what they like. Most people like loud, intrusive music. It doesn't bother them. So to them, because it is something they like, they feel like they should be allowed to do whatever they want with it and no one should be allowed to have an issue with it. Even if it causes the same affect to someone's body as if he or she were being beaten, that does not matter. It does not do that to them and the majority of people's bodies are not affected that way so they don't think that you have the right to complain if your body is affected that way. And police and hospital staff basically think you are just wasting their time and resources if you ask for help.
The problem with what happened with me at the hospital is that I was neither willing nor able to pay for an emergency room bill, especially when there is nothing wrong with me. What was wrong with me is that my body was being so severely affected by someone else's music. In order for them to let me stay inside the hospital building I would have to be admitted, be seen by a doctor and pay the bill. At first they refused to let me stay inside the building and told me I could just stay outside. Well, it's January in the northern hemisphere and it's cold outside. I told them I was willing to do that because at least if I froze to death I would already be at the hospital. So they gave me a little thin blanket and told me I could stay outside with that. I was very grateful. After about an hour I came back in because I was very cold and they finally let me stay in a far corner of the waiting room even though they are not allowed to do that. So I was very grateful.
I understand that they don't want vagrants and homeless people sleeping in the ER waiting room and I was very compliant and gentle and was very willing to sleep outside. But it was just too cold. And I am neither a vagrant nor a homeless person and they knew that I would much rather have been asleep in my warm comfy bed in my own house. But the reason I could not is that the people 5 houses away were invading my home with their music which was making me have massive meltdowns to the point to wanting to be suicidal because it is their "first amendment right to do so." At one point they suggested that I go to the Y. But I explained that first of all, it's in the loudest part of the city which is kind of the whole point of why I was where I was in the first place, second you have to pay, and third, it's a very dangerous area. I needed to be home in my bed. And there is a city ordinance that says you are not allowed to play your music that loud. I know I have read it. It also says that if you play your music loud enough that it makes another person sick you can get hefty fines and jail time for that. But apparently nobody cares about enforcing the ordinance. The people who were playing their loud music that night have been spoken to at least 12 or fifteen times about it in the past year. I have confronted them sometimes multiple times a day and the police have talked to them about it at least five times. But they are never ticketed and nothing is ever done to them. So now the police are tired of me asking that they be dealt with.
I have been told that I should move, I don't have the money to do that and I was living here much longer than any of those loud people were, they moved into my street, I did not move into theirs. And where can I go that people don't do this? I could go anywhere in any neighborhood, even to a multimillion dollar neighborhood and someone will be doing this. I was also told, you can find somewhere else to go. I am in my own home which I pay for, why should I find somewhere else to go because other people want to listen to loud music? Then when I try to find somewhere to go like a hotel, I can't stay in the lobby, I have to pay for a room, the hospital, I can't stay in the waiting area I have to pay a massive bill in order to be admitted, the police station, I can't stay there either, I have to commit a crime and be arrested to stay in a jail cell. The parking lot at the empty mall, I can't stay there either because security won't let me sleep in my car there, the state or county park, I can't stay there either because it's closed at night. I want to be in my house, but apparently it's other people's right to invade it whenever they want and I just have to deal with it or be ok with it or spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on soundproofing or devices to try to muffle it or I have to be responsible for finding somewhere else to go. I get interrupted with everything I have to do at home. If I am doing laundry or cleaning or paying bills or exercising or resting or taking a shower, I have to stop using my hands to cover my ears or I have to stop what I am doing, get dressed, go outside and confront people multiple times a day and night to ask them to turn down music. And I have to keep my composure and be nice and polite to not offend them in the process and I have to deal with it if they argue about it or get angry or pull out a gun. What am I supposed to do? The time it took me to write this post, I counted 14 cars that drove by blasting boom boom.
If I complain about it, I am criminalized. If it causes me to melt down or have suicidal thoughts or go mad, I am the one who has to be treated like I am some kind of mental case and I have to pay the big bills for that. And as soon as they have admitted me and put me in a quiet room, all of a sudden I am perfectly fine. But I will get a bill for hundreds of dollars which I am responsible for paying. I can't give that bill to the people playing the music. And if I can't pay the bill, my credit will be destroyed.
Now if I was going around shining my search light in people's eyes and entering their homes to do so all day every day and all night as well, and if I was going around beating people with tire irons in their own homes and wherever and whenever I felt like it do you think that they would just say, "Oh, she needs to be allowed to have her first amendment rights?" Would they tell the people I was doing that to, you just need to move or find somewhere else to go?
The problem is that society is 100% self entitled. If it is something that does not bother the majority of them, they have no ability to care about how it might bother or even end up killing a minority of people. They can't care, it's beyond their scope. All they can care about is being able to do what makes them feel good no matter what cost it has or what effect it has on other people.
We should not have to carry the burden of this. I should not have to pay thousands of dollars to sound proof my home. I should not have to move, I should not have to spend New Year's eve sleeping outside in the hospital parking lot. All they have to do is turn the volume button down. Why should I have to pay for this? I guarantee you that if I was shining a search light in people's faces, I would be arrested and imprisoned for that.
_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
Skibum this is a tough situation and I really feel for you having to go through this.
It sounds like the police just aren't doing their jobs. It's against the law to disturb other people with loud music. You shouldn't even be having to discuss it with them or educate the town council about why they should enforce their own ordinances.
What kind of community is this that people keep playing loud music all the time, and the police are either too lazy or intimidated to do something about it?
It really grinds my gears that they aren't protecting your legal ight to be comfortable in your own home.
What are meltdowns? Aren't they indicative of a person suffering?
If an NT (or an autistic person) doesn't see that an autistic person is suffering during a meltdown, then their "theory of mind" is screwed up.
Perhaps, some people think that when autistic people go through meltdowns that they're "faking it" somehow.
I think the problem is that we live in a very self entitled society. One of the main causes of my constant strife is other people's stereos. There are other noises as well but the stereos are the absolute number one issue. Now in order to help me survive that onslaught, one of the things I have to do is to listen to my own soothing music pretty much 24/7 through earbuds which are actually very painful. I don't have money to but nice earphones. Now here is the interesting part. I listen to music that I love pretty much all day and all night. I can't even sleep because I have to have my music on and my rain machine on because other people have to play their music as loud as they want.
No one hears my music because I have to use earbuds in order to hear it everywhere I am. But they don't do that. In order for them to hear it everywhere the are in their homes they blast it as loud as they can. When I play the radio on my car, I play it at a volume where I can hear it but it's not heard outside my car. I can enjoy it but no one else has to hear it. They have to play it as loud as they possibly can so that the whole world can hear it.
When I spoke to the city council about this and when I try to explain to some people about how this affects us, one of the things I hear a lot is, they are entitled to their first amendment right of freedom of speech and freedom of expression. People, including city government officials, have seriously said this and somehow really believe this. My response is, what about my constitutional right to life? I tell them that it is not freedom of speech and expression to invade other people's homes and personal spaces because you want to listen to what you want to listen to. What if I came into their homes all day every day and into their cars and into their campsites and accosted them on the streets everywhere they went and shined a super strength search light into their eyes because I enjoyed that and it made me feel good? Would they defend me and say that is my right to freedom of expression? I think not.
The other thing I hear a lot is, "it's not that loud." Well if it's loud enough to be playing in my house, than yes, it's that loud.
The problem is that people like what they like. Most people like loud, intrusive music. It doesn't bother them. So to them, because it is something they like, they feel like they should be allowed to do whatever they want with it and no one should be allowed to have an issue with it. Even if it causes the same affect to someone's body as if he or she were being beaten, that does not matter. It does not do that to them and the majority of people's bodies are not affected that way so they don't think that you have the right to complain if your body is affected that way. And police and hospital staff basically think you are just wasting their time and resources if you ask for help.
The problem with what happened with me at the hospital is that I was neither willing nor able to pay for an emergency room bill, especially when there is nothing wrong with me. What was wrong with me is that my body was being so severely affected by someone else's music. In order for them to let me stay inside the hospital building I would have to be admitted, be seen by a doctor and pay the bill. At first they refused to let me stay inside the building and told me I could just stay outside. Well, it's January in the northern hemisphere and it's cold outside. I told them I was willing to do that because at least if I froze to death I would already be at the hospital. So they gave me a little thin blanket and told me I could stay outside with that. I was very grateful. After about an hour I came back in because I was very cold and they finally let me stay in a far corner of the waiting room even though they are not allowed to do that. So I was very grateful.
I understand that they don't want vagrants and homeless people sleeping in the ER waiting room and I was very compliant and gentle and was very willing to sleep outside. But it was just too cold. And I am neither a vagrant nor a homeless person and they knew that I would much rather have been asleep in my warm comfy bed in my own house. But the reason I could not is that the people 5 houses away were invading my home with their music which was making me have massive meltdowns to the point to wanting to be suicidal because it is their "first amendment right to do so." At one point they suggested that I go to the Y. But I explained that first of all, it's in the loudest part of the city which is kind of the whole point of why I was where I was in the first place, second you have to pay, and third, it's a very dangerous area. I needed to be home in my bed. And there is a city ordinance that says you are not allowed to play your music that loud. I know I have read it. It also says that if you play your music loud enough that it makes another person sick you can get hefty fines and jail time for that. But apparently nobody cares about enforcing the ordinance. The people who were playing their loud music that night have been spoken to at least 12 or fifteen times about it in the past year. I have confronted them sometimes multiple times a day and the police have talked to them about it at least five times. But they are never ticketed and nothing is ever done to them. So now the police are tired of me asking that they be dealt with.
I have been told that I should move, I don't have the money to do that and I was living here much longer than any of those loud people were, they moved into my street, I did not move into theirs. And where can I go that people don't do this? I could go anywhere in any neighborhood, even to a multimillion dollar neighborhood and someone will be doing this. I was also told, you can find somewhere else to go. I am in my own home which I pay for, why should I find somewhere else to go because other people want to listen to loud music? Then when I try to find somewhere to go like a hotel, I can't stay in the lobby, I have to pay for a room, the hospital, I can't stay in the waiting area I have to pay a massive bill in order to be admitted, the police station, I can't stay there either, I have to commit a crime and be arrested to stay in a jail cell. The parking lot at the empty mall, I can't stay there either because security won't let me sleep in my car there, the state or county park, I can't stay there either because it's closed at night. I want to be in my house, but apparently it's other people's right to invade it whenever they want and I just have to deal with it or be ok with it or spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on soundproofing or devices to try to muffle it or I have to be responsible for finding somewhere else to go. I get interrupted with everything I have to do at home. If I am doing laundry or cleaning or paying bills or exercising or resting or taking a shower, I have to stop using my hands to cover my ears or I have to stop what I am doing, get dressed, go outside and confront people multiple times a day and night to ask them to turn down music. And I have to keep my composure and be nice and polite to not offend them in the process and I have to deal with it if they argue about it or get angry or pull out a gun. What am I supposed to do? The time it took me to write this post, I counted 14 cars that drove by blasting boom boom.
If I complain about it, I am criminalized. If it causes me to melt down or have suicidal thoughts or go mad, I am the one who has to be treated like I am some kind of mental case and I have to pay the big bills for that. And as soon as they have admitted me and put me in a quiet room, all of a sudden I am perfectly fine. But I will get a bill for hundreds of dollars which I am responsible for paying. I can't give that bill to the people playing the music. And if I can't pay the bill, my credit will be destroyed.
Now if I was going around shining my search light in people's eyes and entering their homes to do so all day every day and all night as well, and if I was going around beating people with tire irons in their own homes and wherever and whenever I felt like it do you think that they would just say, "Oh, she needs to be allowed to have her first amendment rights?" Would they tell the people I was doing that to, you just need to move or find somewhere else to go?
The problem is that society is 100% self entitled. If it is something that does not bother the majority of them, they have no ability to care about how it might bother or even end up killing a minority of people. They can't care, it's beyond their scope. All they can care about is being able to do what makes them feel good no matter what cost it has or what effect it has on other people.
We should not have to carry the burden of this. I should not have to pay thousands of dollars to sound proof my home. I should not have to move, I should not have to spend New Year's eve sleeping outside in the hospital parking lot. All they have to do is turn the volume button down. Why should I have to pay for this? I guarantee you that if I was shining a search light in people's faces, I would be arrested and imprisoned for that.
Wow, I am so glad I don't have that sensitivity and I am so glad I don't have any neighbors who blast their music loud. Do lot of people really play their music that loudly? I don't see that often here when I am driving because most people don't blast their music loud. We had a neighbor below me play it and it would agitate me to a point I felt like screaming and banging on walls. I was so glad to move out of there. Now whoever would move into my old apartment would have that problem now and let them deal with it. Then we moved here and I discovered the neighbors next door played their music loudly and they both have deaf parents but fortunately their house isn't close and I decided I would just close my window so I wouldn't have to hear their music but they fortunately stopped when we moved in. But when my bedroom was facing the main road, the windows would rattle whenever someone would drive by with loud music and then we got our windows replaced and the sound wasn't as bad when they would drive by and the traffic wasn't as loud and then my parents moved into my bedroom and I moved into my husband's old bedroom which faces the backyard and he moved into the basement and I stopped hearing the loud music every time someone drove by and I just heard it again a few seconds ago while typing this because someone was playing loud music and I heard boom boom boom boom. But I don't think I will ever understand why some people like to play their music so loudly, like you, I like to play it at a volume I can hear it at that only everyone in the car can hear, not anyone outside the car. Even my mom never liked loud music. My ex boyfriend liked playing loud music and he said it was because he liked feeling it beating on his body and he also liked it in his apartment too but luckily he didn't do that with me around because it would have bothered me. He also couldn't play it as loud as he liked it because it would have bothered his neighbor. My other ex liked to play his computer games loud and it was affecting my hearing at work because of the boom boom sound from his game. He liked having those big speakers he had connected to his computer and at work my co workers would have to say my name a few times and shout at me to get me to notice they are talking to me and so I could make out the words when they were speaking to me because of the affect of the loud sound in my own home by my first boyfriend. Then that issue went away when I broke up with him because I wasn't surrounded by that loud bass. I wasn't acting like I was hard of hearing anymore. Another good reason for breaking up with him.
Also if you have a diagnoses of autism, could you use that to explain your medical issues when you have to check in because of the affects from the loud music?
Despite the law about playing music loudly, too bad it's not enforced. Loud music bothers my parents too and they are NT and they have also had to deal with neighbors who played their music loudly when I was a baby and they would sometimes wake them up at night with their loud music because their bedroom was right across from their bedroom and how close their house was to ours. They have also called the police and talked to them about it and nothing worked. I am sure if everyone was complaining about loud music, the police might do something about it but if you are right next to them, then that is a problem and of course it wouldn't bother anyone else because they can't hear it. All they would have to do is close their windows and problem solved but not so for the person living next to them. In my apartment I was amazed how can the loud music not bother anyone else and I thought maybe it's not as loud because they don't live right above them and I wondered what about the neighbor living right next to them, didn't they ever complain? One morning they played their music at very high volume they never played it at, it woke my husband and I up and it was so loud, it rattled our whole apartment and boy was I pissed I complained to our land lord. I couldn't even get back to sleep so I ended up going to bed early that day and it was five in the morning when he woke us up. I did talk to the too about their loud music and their excuse was they wonder what we do above them because it sounds like elephants so they figure we will put up with their music. All I do is walk normal in my apartment, not stomp or pound my feet and I didn't do any pacing because I didn't want to disturb them but i think it was just their excuse to justify their loud music. But that is what happens when you live in units, you will hear people walking above you in their unit and it's not like I was jumping or stomping my feet or pounding them while walking or running. But maybe they just had hyper sensitive hearing to feet so it was that loud to them.

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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed and ASD lv 1.
Daughter: NT, no diagnoses. Possibly OCD. Is very private about herself.
Thank you Dianthus. I am so glad to have support from you guys. Apparently this is the norm. We live in a regular city. It's not even the ghetto except for those two families that have moved in and are doing their best to turn it into one. I even think one of those houses, the one who had the party might be running drugs because of the number of cars that come and park for a few minutes at a time all day and all night pretty much. I have also seen the police chase them and run through my yard with guns out. The police won't investigate the house and they are too busy fighting real crime or eating donuts to bother with complaints of loud music. That is what they tell me. They will come if I ask them to but they will just politely ask the people to turn it down or the people are gone by the time they get there because it takes them hours to get there because they are too busy fighting real crime. But that is the extent of it. They could talk to that people a million and twelve times and it won't go any further than you are bothering your neighbor, please turn it down. Then they leave and the music goes right back up again.
I was told by police to never confront the people myself and to always call 911 and they will send someone out so that I can stay safe. And I appreciate that. But what has happened is that the people have learned that the police will do absolutely nothing at all except just ask them politely to turn it down. Sometimes the people will even park their cars exactly in front of my house now and leave the cars empty and playing the music. Sometimes if they are parked in front of the one house and they see me coming to ask them to turn it down, the laugh and drive off and then just come back. They know nothing will be done. And not the police are tired of me calling them and have told me to deal with the people myself.
One officer said that if I needed to and it got that bad I could call and have them take me in handcuffs to the hospital as if it were against my will and the hospital and the hospital would have to take me in and give ma a quiet place to stay and not charge me because I was brought in in handcuffs. When I called one day and ask that they do that for me because the music was out of control, the officer who answered the call told me that the officer who told me I could do that had no right to offer that to me and he could lose his job because of it and I was wasting their time and resources asking for that and that I should deal with the situation myself. He also told me that he drove by and did not think the music was loud enough that it should be bothering me. I told him that the dispatchers had previously told me that it does not matter if others don't think it's loud enough, if it is sounding inside my house and it's too loud for me than it's too loud and I have the right to ask that someone be sent to have it dealt with.
But apparently each officer on duty has the right to determine how loud it should be to have to bother me. They all know that I am Autistic and Misophonic and the officer who last told me that I have to deal with this myself told me that he has an Autistic son so he knows all about Autuism. So therefore I should be able to deal with the neighbors and the music myself and stop playing these manipulative games with the police and stop wasting their time and resources.
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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph
A lot of neighbors hate it as well but they are too afraid to confront the people or to say anything to the police. I told them that if they did say something it would help because if I am the only one complaining I just look like a crazy nut. The thing is they hate it but it does not affect their brains and bodies like it affects mine so they just put up with it and commiserate and say that the neighbors are rude. But they won't do anything more than that because they are afraid of the people. One woman who used to live here said that the kid next door played his music so loudly that she would put her coffee on her kitchen table and her house would shake so much her coffee would spill over her cup. They have both moved out a couple of years ago. And the family of the kid who would play the music started complaining about how they were being so mistreated because so many people were asking them to turn their music down and they were getting sick of that.
But a lot of people actually like it. My immediate next door neighbor who is super sympathetic and supportive to me, Thank God, said he used to drive around with massive subwoofers until his fiancee, now his wife, told him to stop because it was so rude to other people.
I even asked the city if they could set up quiet zones in select residential areas. That would be a great solution. People with sound related issues could live in those areas. They said no it's not possible. If there was a school of Autistic children they could do it but that would be the only way. I bet if it this was a super rich all white neighborhood they would do it without hesitation.
But even when some of the older people who were here when we moved in started moving on and young people started moving in, I was not allowed to let the real estate people know that I am Autistic and Misophonic and ask that they let potential buyers know of that fact. That is affecting a sale and I could have been imprisoned for that. If I were deaf or blind I would be allowed to put a sign up and ask people to be considerate of my needs. But not if I am Autistic or Misophonic.
And when cars drive by it is only a few moments. But it feels like blows with a tire iron. So even a few seconds of that is very powerful. And if 100 cars drive by it's those few moments 100 times over.
I even wrote to the governor about this asking if we could try to come up with solutions. I got a letter back three months letter on beautiful gold letterhead with his signature saying it's not his problem but he is always glad to hear from constituents.
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"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."
Wreck It Ralph