The earlier you're diagnosed the better the outcome ?

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It's highly unlikely I could have been diagnosed as a child, given how narrowly "autism" was defined back then. In any case, the kind of autism therapy that was around back then -- an early, harsh version of Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) -- probably would have done me much more harm than good.

Today's most popular (especially among insurers) kind of therapy is still ABA, albeit, in most cases, a gentler form thereof. In my opinion, a strengths-based approach, with a primary focus on developing the kid's cognitive abilities, would probably be much better.

EDIT: Also, to this day there isn't very much good autism-aware therapy for adults, and there was even less of it 10 years ago. Back then, a lot of "experts" were also saying a lot of things that were just plain wrong, such as the idea that we "lack empathy," period, end of story.

Last edited by Mona Pereth on 12 Feb 2020, 4:09 am, edited 1 time in total.

I was diagnosed when I was nine and I often wonder what it would have been like if I'd not been diagnosed. Before my diagnosis I was a quiet child who struggled with change and speaking with people. I did have a small circle of friends though. After the diagnosis that changed. Friends left me and my own family treated me differently often acting like I'm a time bomb about to explode. At school other than a therapist there was no special help other than the teacher alerting everyone that I had Aspergers which straight away started bullying as well as my chance of making friends becoming non existent straight away . I'm still at school now and still have no friends and get made fun of every day. I often think if I hadn't been diagnosed and everyone told about me I might be enjoying school a little more and have been befriended by at least some other students.

That's horrible!


IMO the other kids should not have been told, unless there were other autistic kids around, with interests similar to yours, whom you could have been introduced to.


That's possible. It's also possible you might have lost your friends anyway, though perhaps a year or two later, as has happened to a lot of undiagnosed Aspie kids.

Sadly my family don't really understand me. I think they feel I'm a bit of a burden really and don't know what to do with me now because I'm not 'normal' like my brothers and sisters, who also don't speak to me. But that's ok. I guess I am a bit of a handful so I understand.

I wish they hadn't been told. It's awkward because the other kids are horrible to me but also some of the teachers seem a bit off with me as well. So that can be hard as well. It makes me want to avoid school every day, luckily this week I've been on holiday but next week I'm back .

I guess it's something I'll never know now. I'm hoping I'll make some friends this year.

That happened to me too. I was diagnosed when I was 8, and before that I was just an anxious child and couldn't sit still in class but I was still sociable and I had friends. Then my social status changed since my diagnosis; someone blabbed it out to the kids and the kids became afraid of me like I was contaminated or something. I felt like I was the odd one out in the classroom because I was the only one with a label, and I so badly wanted to be "normal". In the playground I felt like I shouldn't be playing with the other kids because I had Asperger's and that having Asperger's means I don't know how to mix and want to be alone - although that wasn't the case with me because I liked mixing and playing with the other kids. But my diagnosis meant otherwise.

Yes. But I like it!

Aw I am so sorry you have been through this. The diagnosis really can have a bad effect, especially when your friends and people in your school get word from somebody. Everyone treats you differently either by avoiding you or bullying you. Or both . I was like you before the diagnosis, I had friends but I struggled with certain things, staying still was one problem and coming over bad was an issue when there was loud sounds such as the school bell, fire alarm and screaming and shouting of the children which I think is what began the diagnosis process originally. I really wish my diagnosis hadn't been broadcast to everyone and I'm sorry yours was as well. I hope things have improved for you since then .

What a terrible experience! I am so sorry. I was inept with no friends at school. I can imagine how much worse it could have been if they had a label to taunt me with.

The teacher should never have announced this. In the US this would be a hippa violation.

I see you are now 16. Adolescence is hard on everyone and more so for autists.

Is there any chance of changing schools? I remember dreaming that if I could start somewhere new, where people didn't already know my social status as untouchable, I might have a chance at a better life.

It is terrible. I don't think it would be as bad if everybody didn't know but sadly they do and with that knowledge they make every day so difficult for me. I'm on holiday this week but next week I'm going to try talking to a girl who's in her last year, see if we can maybe be friends as she actually treats me like a person.

I've spoken to my family about changing schools but "I can deal with it" is what they said so I'm looking into ways to cope better whilst I'm there. I have that dream as well, starting afresh, somewhere where people don't know. But I don't see that happening sadly. My family aren't interested.

Well the teacher wasn't the one who blabbed it out. It was a girl who was supposed to be my friend. Our mum's knew each other and she had a younger sister who had autism, so obviously my diagnosis got mentioned. Then one day when I was 10 she rounded up all the girls in the class and told them all that I had Asperger's, right in front of me. And somehow even the boys knew, because 3 or 4 years later a (NT) boy in my class joked and said, "I'm so autistic" (relevant to some social error he'd made), and the boy sitting next to me leaned over to him and said, "she's autistic" (meaning me). He didn't mean any harm, but I just rather everyone not know about it. I felt ashamed. I wanted to be one of them, and not "the kid with the label".

Damn, being dependent on your family sucks! Those all little decisions you aren't allowed to make because you're not 18 yet :/ I used to be where you are.

I wonder if there is some Identified Patient dynamics in your family. I've mentioned it before in this thread because it's one of possible downsides of early diagnosis - the family finally has someone to blame for all their trouble so they don't need to deal with their own issues.

I know it does suck doesn’t it? Like I’m grateful to them for everything they’ve done I just wish they would be there for me more. They treat me like I’m a disease and that they don’t really care about me. It’s horrible. I can’t wait for when I finish school and can move out. Have things improved for you now?
It’s possible yes. I mean they do seem to really dislike me now, especially my mum, every time something goes wrong she blames me. She really hates me since I was first diagnosed and I don’t know why. It makes home life really unbearable and then actual school life is equally as bad.

Omg that must have been really horrible for you. I'm so sorry. I've never really had a friend so I can only imagine how horrible that must have been to see and hear your own friend telling everybody. I remember when my teacher told my class, I'd never gone so red and felt so awful for being me. I'm not sure if it was the same for you but I hated myself that day for being different. I've had the jokes of people saying they acted or did something Autistic, always loud enough for me to hear. I'm glad the boy you heard at least didn't mean any harm and completely agree with you, I also, wished that no one had ever found out. I think school would have been better.

In your parents generation Autism was universally considered a disease and any mental issues were stigmatized. So because they act like they dislike you like does not mean they don’t love you. It probably means they do not know how to handle you.That does not make it any less painful for you.

It seems moms and teenage daughters often come into conflict. Often this gets better when one gets older.

Now it's better, moving away from my parents was a huge relief - yet after having children, I went through a big breakdown and now I'm sorting things out in therapy. Apparently, in addition to AS, I'm much more traumatized by my childhood and yougth than I ever suspected. Seeing unhealthy patterns when growing up in them is extremely hard.
I wonder if something my first therapist told me would resonate in you, too:
"No one took your side."

I moved far, far away.