what exactly separates worldly WPers from the hermits?

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How much we care about what the world wants us to care about? Or how much we can convince ourselves that we do care merely because we are told that we should care?

I already know that I have very little interest in seeing myself as an "alpha". I have no interest in ever having a job that entails "controlling" other people as that would only lead to insurmountable frustration. I don't have a sense of "duty" and I don't have a need to feel "important".

I'd rather just see my life as something to experience, completely devoid of ego. The ego only causes me pain and is a distraction from pure experience and true joy. I can't be "worldly" when the world insists on force feeding me its poison meaninglessness.

Then again, maybe I'm deceiving myself when I say that I don't want an ego. If I truly don't care then why does it hurt so much to think about it? Why can't I make myself not care if that's the only solution?

%^#*&^*&$^ me if nobody understands what I'm rambling about...

Short answer is no. I'm definitely not one of the "worldly" people even if the world forces me to fake it. I think conventional idea of "success" is completely uninteresting/boring to most aspies, if they are anything like me. Completely not worth the effort.

auntblubby asks:


outside of boxing, what kind of profession are you referring-to that has that high rate of head injury? enquiring minds want to know.

Truck driver I think accidents/injuries are all part of a days work in that profession. I've known several truck drivers./bus drivers who have had (relatively severe) head injuries and they went straight back on the horse. It apparently had no effect at regaining employment (check the classifieds and you'll understand why.)

Having experienced a (severe) head injury in a even more dangerous line of employment (cycle messenger) when ever I see some one in a vehicle accident I don't worry about the moment , I worry about their future hoping they get the proper compensation/ post outpatient care they deserve I had none of that (long story)

If I remember correctly cycle messengers are 13 X times more likely to be killed than the rest of the general (working) population. Even though I was earning an above "average" wage in that line of work (not middle class success though) I'm not sure if it's a line of work I would recommend to anybody even if you love riding bikes through cities like a crazy person tabloid television like to portray these workers as "urban cowboys"

Having a supportive and educated family is my answer.

I got encouraged to get university education, to learn to drive, socialise and get a job as soon as possible. If I had a family who didn't care or who were uneducated I'd probably be a socially inept hermit.

I believe this makes a tremendous difference.

My family was very abusive and dysfunctional - father was an alcoholic and he physically abused all of us. It was a household that was in chaos much of the time and no one focused on what may or may not be wrong with me.

I cannot imagine what my life would have been like if I'd had a supportive family.

hale_bopp says:

had a family who didn't care or who were uneducated I'd probably be a socially inept hermit.


/ I t was lucky for you . Sadly I was brought up in that situation how would my life have turned out if I had Dr's/ family that actually gave a damn. I hold no grudges or ill will to the WP"s who had the early diagnosis / medicated for their (severe in my case) coexisting conditions and are now "successful" and productive members of society.

Apparently some people here (seemingly) do .

Rakshasa72 says:

Sometimes I feel ashamed of my special interest because most adults my age have out grown it



I wouldn't worry about it I decided to check this place out after a positive review in my local newspaper.

www.manabar.com.au

1 st of it's kind in Australia would you believe? Not sure how common these bars are in Europe or the US (may be they've been around for a while their ??? (where culturally at least 5 years behind the rest of the Dev world .)

I wonder how many Aspies can be found in these types of places according to the review (confirmed) the crowd is young , courteous and friendly and according to the bar owner/manager many other bar owners have told him they'd kill to have his type of clientele in their bars!. Anyways I went out of curiosity feeling a little bit akward I told the bar owner I 'm to old and ugly to be going to these types places he warmly welcomed me in and claims the"average" age of a gamer is now 33! Which is disputable I suppose. I don't think I'll ever stop gaming , ever Which is kinda funny back in the 80's any adult gamer would have been considered a freak of nature or suspect (may be they still are?).

I think theirs some truth to the GTA gags about creepy predatory men hanging out at games arcades in the 80's ?





I

marshall says:

%^#*&^*&$^ me if nobody understands what I'm rambling about...


I get it as would most people (here) I presume . ?

I am seeing two paths. A supportaive family, leads to more worldly interaction.

Of the unsupported, some isolated work seems best.

I think we can do anything, if we do one thing at a time.

Some do call for a foundation, work/income, to have a base for a personal social life.

When working on things, they do not care how I dress or live, but those things come first with people.

Where I fail, I can have stuff, clothes, living quarters, but seem to have little in common with other minds.

They are actors, I can sell, but there always is something missing, yet I can clearly see it binding couples all over. People who hardly know one another, then become bound for life. I have no idea how that works.

I have been good at one night stands, short relationships, but it never lasts.

Like hooks and eyes Velcro, it works, except I seem to have the wrong pattern. There is enough range that I think I have a smooth surface where they are seeking hooks or eyes.

Another thing that has been pointed out is values, I value other people as an addition to my life, not as a replacment for it. The center of my life is filled, they were seeking an empty center they could fill.

So a hermit that has mastered talents, but is missing out on something common, which seems impossible to learn.

I'm not so much worried about what my fellow gamer geeks think about my special interest and age. I'm more worried about how the non-gamer people react to my hobbies. It's funny how certain obssesions like sports and automobiles are ok to talk about but, gaming is still looked down on. I'm pretty sure my gaming has cost me a job or 2 already.

+1

talent. that is enlightening. having talent is one thing, knowing one has talent is another thing, and knowing what to do with that talent is yet another thing.

I think my husband is one of those worldly Aspies....I always call him the halfspie. He has a PhD in Biology and can be social even though it is not on his priority list. He just got a job as a Professor....he would rather stick to research but he is ok with it. He can stand up and do speeches and presentations (however it is about his interests...science, genetics).
I, on the other hand, can not read social cues, have always had difficulty with other people. Did horrible in school due to abuse and unaddressed Autism and learning disabilities. I did take a Certified Nursing Assistant class in my late 20s and worked successfully with Alzheimer's patients. My nurses used to joke that sometimes they couldnt find me because I blended in too well....."ha ha very funny, Im the one in scrubs ". I went to school mainly to escape my abusive first husband. I then ran away to California with my three oldest kids and moved in with my friend who I call my second mother. I did some odd jobs that were horrible and I quit because I couldnt handle the social aspects and the abuse. I went back to school for Medical Assisting. I did very well and graduated at the top of my class and got the best extern but had issues with some of the younger people in the school. I was accused of being a drug addict because I rub my face a lot among many other things. It was kind of like high school in some ways. I got a job at the hospital as a Phlebotomist working nights....loved that. Night people are more my kind of people, I guess. It was quiet, the lights were dim and no supervisors breathing down your neck. After I met my current husband and we dated for a year I moved in with him and tried to work as a Medical Assistant in an office....both jobs were horrible for me. One I quit because a nurse shoved me and the other I was fired from. Way too much "team player" garbage was thrown at me and too much multitasking. I obviously just rub some people the wrong way, without meaning to. The job I was fired from was so stressful I had a twitch in my eye for a month straight and I would cry uncontrollably with very little reason. I was terrified to go there everyday but I had to....After I got over the initial shock of being fired and worrying about money (I was pregnant with my 4th child) It was a very big relief that I didnt have to work there anymore. My doc that I worked for was so good to me....she allowed them to let me go because she knew how stressed I was. She took care of me through my pregnancy and made sure I got severance pay. See, there are good people in this world!
To make a long story short. I am now on disability and I just dont mesh with most people. Its nothing personal (well sometimes). I can not be social with the majority of people and I dont want to be.
I was very lucky to find my husband, he understands me and was the first to point out that I may have Asperger's. We never seem to run out of things to talk about and he puts up with my issues and I with his....I dont know what I would do without him.
So, I guess I have been successful and I am happy. I guess its all relative, how you look at it....but on the outside I certainly would, at present, fit more closely under the hermit category....happily !

"I think therefore I am" sums it up IMO.

A lot of people I've seen on here post about how they're failures, they can't do anything, etc, so that's what keeps happening.

Instead, what you need to do is learn from your mistakes and sum up the motivation to try again, and believe you can do it.

Yes, I am aware that sounds incredibly corny, but think about it - what separates a rich CEO NT from a shopkeeper NT? Absolutely nothing, apart from the fact that the CEO went out and made something of himself - and the same thing applies for us, too.

Was Richard Branson really different from anyone else, or did he just have the motivation to follow his massive dreams?

There is absolutely no reason that us Aspies can't become more successful than NTs, it's just that, like NTs, a lot of us are afraid of failure and stick to what we know as safe - so we end up stuck.

Im glad you have such a positive outlook...hold on to that!

Erm, only a limited number of people become CEOs. The "if you just try hard enough then you'll get there" myth only sounds feasible to people who manage to succeed at it. It's an insult to all the people who work harder than any CEO will ever work, at backbreaking jobs, and still end up with virtually nothing to show for it. And the people who send out a hundred resumes a day and never get a job.

That myth has been roundly debunked, it's obviously messed up if you look at the actual numbers of how many jobs are available versus how many people exist. It's a great self-centered ego boost to the people who manage to achieve what they view as success (which often depends on the exploitation of people who aren't considered successful even though they generally do the harder work -- not what I consider success, personally).

As for how it applies to autistic people it's equally messed up, or rather it only works for people whose bodies will tolerate the increased effort. It takes me all the effort I have just to get through the day. If left to my own devices (years ago when I was better at things) I starve and live in filth, and all the effort I throw into eating and drinking not only doesn't result in enough food and water, but results in all sensory input vanishing into nothing and all movement either vanishing or becoming a series of involuntary movements. You can't take someone who has problems of that sort and make them able to do any more "successful" things than they're doing. (Giving services helps but there's still that hard limit you hit where you can't see or hear or feel or move on your own and effort makes it worse. Nothing can get you past that.)

Extra effort only works for people with far fewer perceptual and motor issues than a lot of us have. Fortunately I don't define success by typical means. But I find it irresponsible to give the "just try harder" advice to a group of people that includes people who hit really intense shutdowns after a point. The proper advice for someone like me is, get as much help as you can (the less you're required to do the more energy you have for functioning), and pace yourself, and don't aim unrealistically high or get caught up in defining success the way most people do. Also, doing research on the "supercrip" and "overcoming" approaches to disability helps debunk the myths that behaving in that way is advisable or healthy for most people. Autistic people have something in common with people with polio -- the ones who work the hardest to pretend they don't have limitations, end up crashing the hardest later in life.

anbuend wrote:

QFT

Asp-Z, you are still quite young. Your enthusiasm is great but I don't think you've yet had to endure the stress and sacrifice that achieving what you want to have entails. There was a thread a while back about older people with AS who worked hard to have the typical dream of success and many crashed and burned severely. Don't roll over and give up but be aware of what your neurology can manage and what it can't.