Gender double standard and Autism

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Galvatron, I can tell you as a male aspie that sex will not make everything better for you. You're probably looking around and seeing all of your male acquaintances bragging about how much sex they get. Some of them are telling the truth. You're looking at them with beautiful girlfriends and wondering why can't I get someone like this. When you went to school like high school you were probably thinking to yourself why can't I get a gf or be popular and have friends? Is this all correct?

Well, I can tell you my friend that one who has been through all this it is a crock of crap. You're envying these acquaintances and see a Cinderella type ending and you're perceiving a deep and meaningful relationship. It is smoke and mirrors. They're just putting on an act. Honestly, they're on a path to self-destruction. Don't follow these fools nor envy them. My envying of them in my days screwed me up as well.

This is going to be very difficult as it was difficult for me. What you need to do is quit worrying about sex and quit worrying about trying to get a girlfriend or a serious relationship like that. Put this on the back burner. It needs to be the last thing on the hopper. You need to try to concentrate on trying to improve your life. You need to worry about maybe going to college or going into a trade and establishing yourself in a job or career. You need to do the things that are essential to doing that.

You need to get yourself stable especially financially. You need to know where you stand as in your identity and what your values are. You need to work on you first. I know it is going to be very difficult and I know at your age still hormones are still raging. You have to discipline yourself and temper this. Pardon my French everyone but you galvatron need to use your brain and not your dick.

I see you're around my age. I can tell you I didn't have sex until the age of 29. It didn't make anything better for me in the long run. Relationships will not make you better. Only you can make yourself better with people's advice and help of course. Another person can't complete you. Only you can complete you. If you are a Christian then only Jesus Christ can complete you.

We live in a over sexualized society and the truth is it is foolish with foolish behavior. Don't fall into that trap. Don't pay attention to the over sexualized part of our society. Women are not sex objects you can just program, use PUA nonsense, and game. They're human beings like us dude. Don't listen to all of these gamers and the Pick up Artist nonsense. You will more likely have a relationship if you quit trying to pursue one. There are no guarantees but your chances will increase. It is like the paradox of happiness.

It seems that there are many men like the OP who think that women need sex when that might be the last thing that women need or want.

I don't like these comparisons. People are too complex, so are their lives. I must say it's annoying, I've seen this a lot, guys claiming us girls have it so easy. Is it a form of bitterness? Or being frustrated with women in general, which translates into feelings as ''they have it so damn easy... ''?

I've read those ''girls have it easy'' things so many times here and I wonder why they even mention it. Is it a way of venting? It's hardly relevant for the individual's issue.

When it's about who suffers more in general, male or female, many guys here claim that women have it easier. I highly doubt that. Plus, with such analyses they tend to focus most on the dating part but leave all the other aspects of autism out.

I've also seen aspie girls getting stupid responses in the range of ''just walk out of your house, sit in a bar and BAM, (new) relationship'' As if their issues aren't relevant or even existant. Don't take your general frustration with girls or love out on the opposite gender. It's not their fault and the caricature makes no sense in real life.

For instance, I know several very naive and vulnerable aspie women (just like I was a couple of years ago... learnt though, luckily) who get preyed on by men who try to take advantage of them, with whatever reason. I am a creep-magnet too, for some reason I don't know.

What if these easily obtainable dates are simply men like these? With many people on the spectrum you just sense or notice it, that they're somehow different. What if a large part of the ''dates'' are just pervs, desperate people who will try anyone, or people with bad intentions who know they have someone they can abuse/take advantage of?

There're way many more issues, but this one for starters is for many a problem. But I guess that if you keep on hyperfocusing on the stupid dates these women still are better off. And these issues often come directly from their autism.

I've been working the last few days, so I haven't been keeping up with the thread, and I see I have missed a lot. I have seen my reference to my husband thrown around several times as "evidence" that women have an easier time. Let me clear a few things up.

My prior relationships (3 of them) were comprised of a man who hit and raped me, a man who manipulated me into caring for him and sleeping with him who then kicked me to the curb and started dating one of my friends, and a man who like me only because I was not "girly" (his words) although he tried very hard to change nearly everything about me.

I met my husband while he was my boss. He appreciated that I was a hard worker, and we slowly came to know each other. He is extremely emotionally sensitive - maybe the opposite of an Aspie. A mutual friend convinced us to start dating, but without Tom's emotional intuition, nothing would ever have come of it. I feel very lucky that I have found him. I never thought I would find anyone. Prior to dating him, I was single for over 3 years. My other "relationships" lasted a few months at most. For a long time, I avoided relationships of any kind because of my experiences of being manipulated and abused.

Please do not hold up my relationship as evidence that Aspie women find mates easier. My husband is a very unique man. I willingly admit that the success of our relationship is mostly his doing and what I have learned from him. Actually, the more I learn about AS, the more I realize how much he has to put up with from me, and I realize how fortunate I really am to have found him and to have an "interfering" friend.

As above. I also left the thread due to some of the attitudes on here.

I have a long term partner, she is a very unique women and far from typical, we love and tolerate each other.

I have had two previous relationships, in the first she was emotionally damaged by her father and I was unable to support her needs.
In my second relationship, my partner was similarly damaged by a man that required a restraining order. Her mother needed to keep her address and phone number private. I ultimately found out that her hidden behaviours were not acceptable to me.

Relationships are very rarely plain sailing off into the sunset wearing rose tinted spectacles.

To the guys on here I suggest you look for someone to appreciate your character and drop the PUA BS.

Good luck.

I think people like me and op,are too focus on mild aspie women.
The autism women,I know (moderate and severe) don't have it easy.
but there a huge difference between mild cases and moderate or severe case.

Replying to billiscool: I am a young woman with mild to moderate Asperger symptoms. It took me until this year to get diagnosed and I only managed to make it that far was because of homeschooling and intensive social training by my parents. That said, I have only ever had one guy like me. Of course I made a muck of that when he tried to kiss me and I had a meltdown. I have never been in a relationship, I have never had sex (and don't want to unless it is with a man I know will stick around). I have nearly been molested twice (while underage) and barely escaped. There are many men and women out there who have dating problems.

I may still be young and I thank God everyday that my symptoms aren't as bad as they could be, but that doesn't mean that I do not have my own unique struggles that I must cope with everyday. Whether or not someone is male or female does not necessarily change our own strengths and weaknesses. Yeah, I could have done some things better if I was a guy but then again I probably would do some things worse if I was a guy. We all struggle, and the gender roles of our cultures can exacerbate that, but that is no reason to belittle someone else.

Okay, soapbox is back in the closet...