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If you're masking to fawn or pass, you are either a very hard worker or need a well deserved huge break.

If you're masking but not doing it to fawn or pass whether because bullying or survival, then I approve wholeheartedly.

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I didn't know I was masking though Edna

I never knew you were finding it hard to accept your diagnosis, BB. I understand how you feel, as I have problems accepting mine too. I seem more accepting of my ADHD but for some reason not the AS. I'm glad you're starting to accept it. You're a step ahead of me lol. I don't think I'll ever accept mine. It's been the bane of my life, even though I'm only mildly affected. In fact my case is so mild that I often find myself questioning it.
But with me all my symptoms are on a case-by-case basis. So sometimes I may sound like I have no AS at all in my posts (when posting about my life) while other times I might admit to my diagnosis. So I say this before anyone gets confused and sees too many contradictions in my posts.

Yeah I know what you mean there
It's like it's really noticeable to yourself sometimes and other times it's just not

I was going through a lot of other diagnosises when I got this one and it just sort of got pushed to the back and then I joined here a few years later and I had a lot to say about myself but then I struggled to relate to a lot of what other people were saying about their own experiences

So I just sort of went into denial even more but now I'm sort of seeing it

It wasn't just that I couldn't relate to other people's experiences it was that everybody else could relate to each others experiences so I just thought that it mustn't be aspergers that I have

And breathe

I'm only just... One major disruptive problem left to solve -- before I truly focus all around my own autism than whatever secondary crap that had nothing to do with me being autistic.

Just one, and then everything I do is mostly cognitive.
Language, planning, other practical concepts, memorization, etc. Anything outside of me will follow through.

Than living in a fricking life of constant dysregulation and disruptions from this annoying thing I call a body.

Most of my so called needs is almost disproportionately about my internal senses to a point I wish I have a real ability to ignore my body.

And when I'm done with that one final problem -- as my reality living shifts -- finally so are my damnable beliefs and so called attitudes.

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Also I had a difficult time because I didn't get any support after diagnosis (I got a write up about it but even that was put as an opinion and not anything definite) so I just got on with my life as best I could

I mean I can't see that its helped or hindered me in any way because I think there have been other things in my life that have definitely set me back and delayed my development for sure

My daughter has diagnosed autism and her development and everything is fine

My diagnosis has always been a hindrance more than a help, and being so young when I was diagnosed makes me feel more severe than what I am. I resented all the attention drawn to it and I hated being "different". The diagnosis made me feel more different than the disorder itself, and I just resented it so much.

It doesn't really need bringing up offline, so that's why I need an autism forum like this where I can feel safe to get stuff like this off my chest and where I can talk to other Aspies anonymously.

Yeah it's right that mate
It's nice to have a safe place where you feel supported by people who might be going through similar feelings

I get that how being diagnosed young will have affected you because you was obviously treated differently because of it and that has knock on effects on the rest of your life

You seem to be doing well at the moment though

You're thinking about the future and stuff and that's all you can do really

How long ago exactly were you diagnosed, bb?

2006

So nearly 20 years ago

It was Digby Tantam who diagnosed me so I do trust him as he is regarded high in the field

Yeah I had to go all the way to Sheffield