Being disliked hurts

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To be liked, one must first be likable.

I remember, as a late teen-early 20's person being told that I had to "give" as well as "take."

I was told that I had to "listen," in addition to "talking."

It took me a while to really get what these people were saying. But when I "got it," things got better for me.

It's not "phony," I believe, to at least pretend you're listening to someone. I had to do a lot of "pretending" and learning before I understood, fully, the extent and reason why people are really upset.

Before I was able to "give and take," I was pretty unsuccessful in getting people to like me.

I habitually slump when I walk, I am very quiet, my hair has thinned out in the front, and my eyebrows make me look like I am constantly frowning. I am constantly tired because I suffer from obstructive sleep apnea so that doesn't help how my face looks at all. But I have seen men who have a constant glare on their face as well as snarl in their speech with girlfriends.

They tend to either look uninterested, look "blank", or grow a scowl on their face when I try to engage then but when another guy engages them, they light up. I hate it so much. Even though my older brother no longer gets looked at, he atleast has two decades of experience to show for while I am 30 but can't even get a f*****g coffee date.

Last edited by Marknis on 13 May 2019, 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Everyone likes different things

There is no "correct" answer

There are certain core things that everybody likes or appreciates -- a pleasant disposition, an optimistic outlook, a good sense of humor ... things like that.

I used to believe that "She has a great personality" meant "She's ugly". I've since learned that having a great personality makes any woman more attractive. Maybe it works for men, too.

Are you treating your sleep apnea?

You should if you aren’t.

My hair has been thinning since my late 20's.

I'm not exactly "gorgeous," or a "hunk," or anything like that.

I was an absolute doormat in high school; I'm the one that let that happen.

It's good for other people to know that you like them as a person----aside from all the romance and crap.

People tend to dislike people who dislike THEM.

When I was a kid, I was disliked. One of the reasons was because I didn't show how much I liked ANYBODY. All I did was antagonize people through trying to show how smart I am. People thought I looked down on them, and that I thought they were stupid. I didn't think that. I didn't think they were stupid. I just thought I was smart.

I'm not saying you're doing this. I'm just telling why I was disliked.

Barb's son thinks that I should be excluded from our evening outings and segregation is never okay in my mind. Not in 2019. I stand for Neurodiversity, multiculturalism and inclusion.

(The reason I like Hogan's Heroes so much.)

If you are disliked by nobody, then you are probably not assertive enough. Unfortunately, to be totally liked is to let some people tread on you for said liking, which is not worth it.

Perhaps this is nit-picky, but people who are optimistic to the extent that I perceive that they're being unrealistic or hoping for a long-shot get on my nerves. I'd prefer to be in the company of those who perceive things realistically than who are unwaveringly optimistic about everything to the point that it's absurd. I think a can-do attitude might be a better substitute for an optimistic outlook when referring to universal preferences.

i pray for the over-optimistic, i pray that they managed to avoid what seems to me like an inevitable harsh slap-down by the devil named "reality." i perceive people who are either depressed now or in the past, as "sadder but wiser."

Your posture is likely due to your sedentary lifestyle, and sitting/lying down a lot. You can fix it by doing postural correction strengthening exercises and stretches to neutralise the muscle imbalances causing you to have bad posture, but for those to be sustainable you would need to also examine lifestyle factors that are causing you to get into that posture to start with, and limit the amount of time you spend reinforcing poor posture.

Also, when people recommend something like losing weight, you say something like "well I've seen fat guys with girfrlends" or in this case it was about a perpetual scowl. What you seem to be failing to realise is that everybody has some flaws and undesirable characteristics and most can still get a partner, but the more you have, the less likely you'll be able to get a partner. Yeah, a guy with the cute girlfriend might be fat, but he might also be rich. A guy with a perpetual scowl might be appealing because he's in good shape. To find someone truly comparable to you, you'd need to cite someone who is overweight, living with his parents at 30, who can't move out of home, who only works part-time and who has underdeveloped social skills characteristic of those on the spectrum as someone who can get a girlfriend, and you likely won't be able to.

My overall point is, everybody has shortcomings, but at this stage you have too many to be appealing to women. Which is why I recommend you do your best to rectify that.

please correct this before you get old and your back is permanently in a dowager's hump. there is no surgery that can fix this, so correct it now while you are still young.

That's basically the core of my problem with the overly optimistic. I've experienced enough disappointment to know that resting your laurels on a long-shot, or even something you're not sure of and can't control, is like aiming a sling shot at your face, pulling it back and hoping it's not going to hurt when you let it go.

Depressed people sometimes encounter the opposite problem of being overly negative though, to the point that they can't see things clearly and sabotage themselves. I think it's important to be in a committed relationship with the truth.

people that down low, need a sharp "RESET" to correct that. that is one reason for the temporary efficacy of ECT. no sharper a reset than that, other than an airplane landing on one's house or war breaking out in your city.