Being attractive really is hell...
I doubt one could be considered "top 1%" attractive without helping it a lot with style. Maybe top 10% but not 1%.
I would recommend the OP to wear plainer style and check out what happens.
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
smudge wrote:
Although it is really hard for me to imagine being a man (since I am a woman, after all
) I think men do take loneliness much harder. They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?
Seems mostly about right I think. Only thing I'd say is a support network doesn't work as a substitute as a partner, so while they might be able to help deal to a small extent, I don't think it makes a great deal of difference if nothing actually changes with your love life. That's my experience.
magz wrote:
I doubt one could be considered "top 1%" attractive without helping it a lot with style. Maybe top 10% but not 1%.
I would recommend the OP to wear plainer style and check out what happens.
I would recommend the OP to wear plainer style and check out what happens.
That's a valid point too. You'd have to be very lucky to be top 1% attractiveness without making any effort towards it at all.
smudge wrote:
They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?
It's also having the pressure of having to be a breadwinner, social expectations piled on males are enormous, being rejected by women is just rubbing their faces in the dirt
cyberdad wrote:
smudge wrote:
They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?
It's also having the pressure of having to be a breadwinner, social expectations piled on males are enormous, being rejected by women is just rubbing their faces in the dirt
That one depends on the culture, though. Here the idea of a man being the bread winner is loosing popularity rapidly and it's really looked down upon if someone is looking for a provider.
hollowmoon wrote:
I'm an extremely attractive woman (top 1%) and its terrible. I feel like my life would be so much easier if was average. For one I can NOT blend in. Everything I do is scrutinized its like I'm in a spotlight at all times, and since Im an aspie that mean every social mistake is magnified. Everyone knows who I am, when I just wish I could just be invisible and disappear. Secondly people have these SUPER high expectations for me that I can't meet. That I'll be super outgoing and super social- then they get pissed when I can't meet these expectations- its like its too heavy of a contradiction and they end up hating me and calling me a snob for it. Nobody can understand that I'm socially challenged even when I explicity spell it out. Third, I've had to deal with vicious jealous women who are threatened by me my entire life.
I've tried making myself unattractive so that I can be invisible but nothing really works. What would you guys recommend?
I've tried making myself unattractive so that I can be invisible but nothing really works. What would you guys recommend?
Being unusually attractive does come with downsides, especially nasty stereotypes and high expectations. The significant decline in manners also means that more people will feel free to openly project their frustrations, envy and bitterness on you and even act on those in a harmful way.
This actually happens to all people who have out of the ordinary/significantly above average qualities or achievements.
Do not follow the nasty and irresponsible suggestions to ruin your health by neglecting your hygiene or gaining a lot of weight, this will only bring a lot more suffering in the future. Magz made more sensible suggestions here. Many women highlight their best attributes/features, you could try playing down/hiding yours.
You will have to choose your company, friends and partners a lot more carefully than other people. Stay away from jealous women, envious people in general and men who will take out their frustrations for being rejected by others on you. Generally, avoid any people who will project their personal insecurities and failures or various character flaws on you and punish you for them.
It's not easy and you'll need patience, but in the long run surrounding yourself with quality people will have many other advantages too.
_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley
BenderRodriguez wrote:
hollowmoon wrote:
I'm an extremely attractive woman (top 1%) and its terrible. I feel like my life would be so much easier if was average. For one I can NOT blend in. Everything I do is scrutinized its like I'm in a spotlight at all times, and since Im an aspie that mean every social mistake is magnified. Everyone knows who I am, when I just wish I could just be invisible and disappear. Secondly people have these SUPER high expectations for me that I can't meet. That I'll be super outgoing and super social- then they get pissed when I can't meet these expectations- its like its too heavy of a contradiction and they end up hating me and calling me a snob for it. Nobody can understand that I'm socially challenged even when I explicity spell it out. Third, I've had to deal with vicious jealous women who are threatened by me my entire life.
I've tried making myself unattractive so that I can be invisible but nothing really works. What would you guys recommend?
I've tried making myself unattractive so that I can be invisible but nothing really works. What would you guys recommend?
Being unusually attractive does come with downsides, especially nasty stereotypes and high expectations. The significant decline in manners also means that more people will feel free to openly project their frustrations, envy and bitterness on you and even act on those in a harmful way.
This actually happens to all people who have out of the ordinary/significantly above average qualities or achievements.
Do not follow the nasty and irresponsible suggestions to ruin your health by neglecting your hygiene or gaining a lot of weight, this will only bring a lot more suffering in the future. Magz made more sensible suggestions here. Many women highlight their best attributes/features, you could try playing down/hiding yours.
You will have to choose your company, friends and partners a lot more carefully than other people. Stay away from jealous women, envious people in general and men who will take out their frustrations for being rejected by others on you. Generally, avoid any people who will project their personal insecurities and failures or various character flaws on you and punish you for them.
It's not easy and you'll need patience, but in the long run surrounding yourself with quality people will have many other advantages too.
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
cyberdad wrote:
Fireblossom wrote:
Telling a woman to grow her hair longer, keep it open or wear skirts or something is a bit of a grey area...
Well it's certainly a sackable offence in the workplace to say these...
I'd work there.
In general it's not polite to be critical of people's bodies, unless they ask your specific opinion on that matter, and even then it's thin ice.
Work is for work IMO. While at work I shouldn't have to deal with my coworkers' irrelevant opinions about this kind of s**t, whether it's directed at me or not.
smudge wrote:
Although it is really hard for me to imagine being a man (since I am a woman, after all
) I think men do take loneliness much harder. They don't always have as much of a support network that women do. I think they somehow find it emasculating (the not having a woman or being rejected by one). Am I right or did I get it wrong?
I think you got it right. Toxic masculinity is a lot of the issue we have.
_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"
Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.
This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.
^
On my part, the suggestion was strictly addressing the OP's enquiry of how to make herself "less attractive" (without ruining her health). I never make any kind of unsolicited remarks about people's appearance, friends and family included, and I think it's extremely rude to.
Where I work, it would be unacceptable to behave this way.
_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley
BenderRodriguez wrote:
^
On my part, the suggestion was strictly addressing the OP's enquiry of how to make herself "less attractive" (without ruining her health). I never make any kind of unsolicited remarks about people's appearance, friends and family included, and I think it's extremely rude to.
Where I work, it would be unacceptable to behave this way.
On my part, the suggestion was strictly addressing the OP's enquiry of how to make herself "less attractive" (without ruining her health). I never make any kind of unsolicited remarks about people's appearance, friends and family included, and I think it's extremely rude to.
Where I work, it would be unacceptable to behave this way.
My views on dress are well-known, but the same was true of me. It's quite astonishing that providing an answer to a simple question would receive that sort of response.
Fern wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"
Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.
This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.
I get this kind of comments from women only. A cultural thing?
_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
<not moderating PPR stuff concerning East Europe>
magz wrote:
Fern wrote:
Prometheus18 wrote:
Yes, better to make yourself unattractive in temporary ways. For example, I have a trim, toned and muscular sort of figure, but I cover it with my shirts and suits. I suppose a woman could similarly wear loose, modest clothing. I actually think women who dress modestly are more attractive, but I'm in a minority here.
This probably works for you at least in part because you are male. As a woman, altering one's appearance to tone down attractive features usually results in encouraging critical comments like "Why did you change your look? I liked the way you dressed before." or "I heard a woman only cuts her hair when she's had her heart broken" or even "Hahaha, you look like a lesbian. Why on earth would you cut off your beautiful hair?"
Before you ask, these examples are all real things that have previously been said to me in my workplace by men while I am simply trying to get work done.
This is because changing one's dress, hair, and makeup isn't at the root of the problem. The problem is that people (primarily men) feel the need to open up this kind of dialogue in inappropriate contexts in the first place (ex: at work). Maybe having a more open dialogue about when and where it's ok to talk about another person's body would help.
I get this kind of comments from women only. A cultural thing?
With the possible exception of the haircut comment, I've never heard a man say to a woman anything even remotely like those things in my life.
