anthropologist from mars wonders how humans date each other

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actually....that's a good pick up line. "Hey, you ever been struck by lightning?" well...."check out what's in my pants"

I dont think so.
I wish...
Aspie means you generally repellent to women.
It's a great handicap.
In dating.
I'm talking about love.
Not casually trying hit on somebody. With not much feeling behind it.
Which practically every guy does. Has done at one point or another.
Love is like lightning.
A metaphor.
A natural phenomena.

Also, my opinion..
Pick up lines are stupid...

Well on the love and dating threads there's been a few Aspie guys who claim to pick up girls easily.

Key word "claim."
I'm not saying you can't be successful
Odds are against it though, heavily.
Money, Good looks go a long way, though of course.

I've seen them post pictures of themselves. One dude is a body builder. So possible,

Yeah physique , falls under looks.
I actually went to meeting for autistic people one time..
It was very depressing.
And I'm considered high functioning.
Being diagnosed with ASD truly is an impairment.
Read reddit for eg.
Every posts seems to be talking about how they want to die, life sucks. Cant get a gf/bf.
(I had to give up reading it...it's too depressing)
Its very prevalent theme.
Some guy on guy on steroids is the 1%.
I'm talking about the 99%.

If we are talking about high functioning men then I don't think it's 1%. But then I honestly think there's been little study done on this. I suspect a lot of men who are undiagnosed go through life invisible.

the un-dx'ed folks would have to be the highest of high functioning [like bill gates] whose brute-force intelligence lets them power their way through any situation. the aspie meetup i most recently attended was depressing for a different reason, all the highest-functioning aspies were there who were to these eyes indistinguishable from typical NTs. i was a non-entity there in that group.

not necessarily

look for an autistic woman. Direct, open, honest... definitely not subtle! I scared off many NT I met because of those qualities.
I had to approach my (now husband) target , object of my interest after we met for the third time or so and be pretty blatant with him, before the light dawned that I was interested in him... I could see it when he woke up and began to respond.

You might be missing signals that are being sent, even though I am being direct... that autism thing gets in the way of reading body language or taking hints.

I probably missed lots of "hints" in my dating days. Those relationships would not have worked anyways, I don't do subtle. I miss too much to make that form of communication effective, never healthy for me or others, either.

Shared interests are what finally brought us together. Joining groups where you share interests first establishes some commonalities that make conversation and interaction easier. FB groups have worked very well for me with this. Unless your interests are twisted or not at all in the mainstream ( physics or kinky stuff for example) I bet you could find others with stuff in common and move on from there. Best wishes.

I remember this study about walking up to people and asking for 1. date, 2. visit apt, 3. sex

I wonder if there would be a study for todays world.


1978 study


2013 study

Last edited by txfz1 on 11 Feb 2022, 5:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I can say from observation, looks are overemphasized factor. 1. Personality. Then 2. monetary, then 3. looks, in that order. Feel free to correct me if you think I've got it all wrong.

When I was young I rarely dated until after college. Then I found it very difficult. So I began to treat it as a scientific approach. I wrote down what I desired in a wife and then I traveled to the other side of the world to meet a young woman and then after being with her for 6 weeks, I proposed to her.

Odd as it may seem, it worked for me. We have been married for 47 years now. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

(We live in a gigantic world with almost 8 billion people in it. Half of these are generally the opposite sex. There are many choices. I think I took a more old fashion approach.)

You did very well ! 47 yrs. … very very good …. Choice by both of you .

In order
1. looks
2. money
3. personality

The higher you have with 1 and 2 the less important is 3
For the highest bracket in 2 the 1 becomes less important

The algorithm is quite simple.

I think the level of social deficit in the highest functioning men is sufficiently low to not interfere with their ability to succeed. I don't know about Gates, but for Musk, his social weirdness has not been an impediment to stop his determination to achieve his goals.

In Elon Musk's biography (by Ashlee Vance) he is reported to have met a woman at a party and talked mostly about electric cars. This was long before Tesla and he was unmarried then. He was involved in that biography, so when I read it I a wondering if he trying to come out as ASD, without saying it. This was long before he did state the obvious on SNL.

Ideally, you can switch your brain into emotional mode and then it's a walk in the park. At least that's what I imagine happens with NTs. Trying to do that doesn't go very well for me. A partner motivated enough to find a mate can overlook that not happening to a large extent if other qualities are displayed. Helps not to talk about your special interest. We don't know if Elon ever learned that but his other qualities were off the charts after awhile. What about Einstein? I don't think he did much dating before he was famous and even then I still can't see him "dating".

I could have used some tips on how to do the dating thing, but never asked and was never offered any advice. It was pretty much like Spock trying to date a human .