Picking Up Social Situations Intuitively....

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Thank you, marshall. I have 2 strong points: insight and ability to explain things clearly. They were both born of the 4-decade long intensive work trying to get to the root of why people hate me and trying to explain myself clearly to those who accused me of being evil. Unfortunately, these 2 strengths can't translate to a salary...

This seems funny to me, because I don´t think anything is outwardly visible in me...I think I look and act quite "normal", from the outside. That´s why I´m trying to understand what makes people have these reactions. I still don´t really get it. In my case, people tend to accept me and NOT ignore me when they get to know and like me, if it goes in that direction. If I walk into a gathering of theater people, they are usually very accepting of me (so long as they are not the jealous/having agendas types). Part of that may be that I have achieved a certain level of competency in my career; I seem to have connected with people mostly by being good at what I do. If I´m with non-theater people, and strangers at that, my "rank" seems to be suddenly very low, and it is very difficult to get into a conversation with anyone- sort of like that girl in the documentary I wrote about (I really sympathized with her!) Or, the other experience I have often is that the nutcase-type men will be attracted to me, sort of like I´m a magnet for them. I guess I´m curious just what this is exactly, is it an innate, gut reaction that people have, that they almost can´t help? Or do they look at me and make judgments about me? As I said, I never felt like I come across superficially as being "odd"; I always felt my "difference" was more internal, in regards to my thoughts and feelings.

I notice also that when I´m out on the street, just minding my own business, people often bump into me- (sometimes obviously intentionally), cars often don´t stop when I should have the right of way...stuff like that. The other day, a woman ran her child´s baby stroller right over my feet, and she acted really like I wasn´t there...(but it was clear she knew I was there). I just wonder what causes people to do those things...or do those things happen to everyone? Maybe the world has just gotten ruder....

I wish I could see that documentary. Did you identify any pecularities in the girl's behavior or body language?

I'm a magnet for nut-case men. One reason why I'm a hermit. In a year or two, they won't bother with me and maybe then I can come out of seclusion...

I think some of the 'invisible' aspie stuff might be because we're like ants without antennae, therefore the rest of the ants don't know we exist. It's probably better as a picture.

Interesting idea. Maybe one day it'll be proven that it's not a metaphor...

I used to have a link to the documentary, but it looks like I erased it...bummer.

I didn´t notice anything strange about the girl´s body language...that´s why I was shocked at what the narrator said, I didn´t see anything "off". But maybe I don´t notice those things anyway? Maybe I´m doing whatever-is-wrong, like the girl, and don´t know it? Funny thing is, having been a theater person all my life, I´ve basically studied body language and expression, etc.; but for the STAGE. I realize I don´t really have a working base of information for life, although what I´ve learned for the theater must have helped in some way. I do remember the girl came across as a little aggressive in her manner of approaching people...however, that would also be a natural reaction if people tend to ignore her.

Well...it´s all a big mystery. I wish I knew more about it.

Do you have any clues that might help us find the website? I'd be very interested in seeing it.

If you don't send 'I want to be participate' but 'I don't want to associate with you' then ignoring you is the seemingly correct reaction.

I realised for me it's two-sided. I can't stop ignoring others when I try get in touch with them, 24/7. I start a conversation or respond to a question, but I and that other person can't connect even we try hard.

I found that it frustrates those other people who want to engage me into a conversation or activity too that my behaviour - what I do, what I say, what multiple non-verbal messages I send - is entirely bizarre and impossible to understand to them. Not that theirs isn't as well, seeing how I don't even pick up on it.

At least it's a experience for me and them mutual.

Unfortunately, it was not a website..it was an American TV show- something like 20/20, but I´m not really sure if that was it- and it was posted (someone sent me the link; this was awhile ago, though). It was pretty short. It was a show about how difficult it is for girls to get an AS diagnosis; the mother recognized the signs of AS in her daughter (as she has 2 AS sons too-) but the traits were a little bit different. The doctors were just very reluctant to diagnose her. I´ve heard of this problem happening quite often with girls and women.

Hmmmm, this sounds intriguing...can you elaborate on that? I wonder if I´m doing that. Funny thing is though, in some situations people ignore me, but once someone gets to know me, they don´t, usually. I´m not sure if my body language is different then, or if they are "reading" me differently, or maybe it doesn´t matter because they know me? Maybe I should get a book about body language after all...

In any case, if you have any specific information, I´d be interested...

Does anyone know what happened to Ingevar? All the posts are gone. Did I miss something???

Is this it? "ABC News: Underdiagnosed Girls with Autism Struggle to Fit In"
http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/Story?id=4177353&page=1

OK, I watched the video figuring it must be the Morgana meant from her description. I saw a couple of things the little girl was doing which her classmates didn't like.

1) She had a whiny, about-to-cry tone to her voice. This is unattractive since it is not a happy playful tone. She whines about not getting a ball when there are plenty of other toys to play with, and the other children who didn't get balls are making do just fine with jump ropes, etc. This is the inflexibility her mother is referring to immediately after the clip.

2) She approaches other kids with balls and tries to get them to give the ball to her (obviously not realizing that this would deprive the kid of a ball and they aren't going to want to do it.) If she were to ask "Can we play ball together?" she might be able to get a playmate and enjoy some ball time, but she is only focused on getting a ball for herself--not the interaction with the other child.

3) She is bossy, going over to other kids and telling them "You're not supposed to have that!" Kids won't take any bossing from people who don't have any authority over them (like a teacher or coach or even a peer who is captain of a team for a game) so they resent her telling them what to do, and this does not create positive feelings in them toward her.

I see. Lack of Theory of Mind. They must've taped me.

Thank you sooo much for sharing!

Thanks for posting the video. I didn´t re-watch it, because I have to get offline soon...but I had recalled that all the other kids had a ball, and she didn´t? I thought that the kids had outcast her first, and then she reacted...I didn´t remember any kids playing with other things...maybe I inserted some memory of my own experience here...

Yes, a whiny voice is unpleasant, but almost every kid I´ve ever known does that from time to time. That´s how kids talk when they are unhappy, and it´s quite common.

I remember her being bossy. When I saw it, I assumed she was just trying another approach. She asked the kids first, they didn´t respond, so I assumed she tried demanding. She probably noticed that teachers and authority figures can make demands, and it works. I try different approaches to situations too, even now...if A doesn´t work, I´ll try B. I thought she was quite clever in this, and she sounded very authoritative! Of course, as an adult watching, it was clear that that approach wouldn´t work, but it seemed quite clever for her age. In the program, they mentioned she had the "wrong body language", and I didn´t notice anything. Actually, I was quite surprised an adult didn´t intervene. I always thought it odd that kids are always left to work these things out themselves; even NT kids need guidance.

Well, her approach was aggressive at times, but I think she didn´t realize it. In my case, I was a different sort of kid. I was the girl who would be ignored, then react by being passive and crying in a corner somewhere..., or I´d feel somehow like maybe I didn´t deserve a ball, and the other kids did. So it still doesn´t really shed light on whatever it is I´m doing wrong....