Is this Asperger's?

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hey everyone first post here and it's a doozy. not sure why I'm writing this, I guess it's just to get your opinions. Obviously an official diagnosis can't be made on here but here goes...

Basically the past year I've had suspicions I might have asperger's but it's kind of hit me hard in the past month or so. It just sounds so hopeless you know? Like your doomed to being a socially inept loner with no friends or love life and you can either a) deal with it or b) stress about it, but it's like there can't be any improvement it seems.

When I was a baby by all accounts I was fine. I would point at things I wanted to show people and laughed and everything. I never did any stimming. I always had friends throughout my school years and people always seemed to think I was cool but quiet. Although my grandma would sometimes ask me something when I was little and if I didn't want to respond I simply wouldn't. She would also bug me about eye contact too when I was young but that might have only been an issue with her. The thing is I'm very good with body language, facial expressions, eye contact, feeling out situations, knowing people's moods, very coordinated and athletic, no routines, no organization, I love spontaneity and enjoy parties and bars and stuff and scored low or NT on every test I've taken online. The only issue is the social aspect. It always seems so forced and I'm always searching for a reply to other people or I'll even just let a conversation die if I don't have the energy. Changing topics always seems tough too. I never truly have an urge to converse although I like having people to talk to in school even though I'm still not a chatterbox. I guess around jr high is where I started feeling kind of different though. Like an outsider looking in. The guys just seemed to know what to say and do all the time and it just seemed too random to wrap my head around. That's when I became quiet because I was such a goof in grade school that I thought it was time to act a little cooler. I was afraid of saying something stupid. High school is when the anxiety kicked in though. Just so many people. I hit a pretty big depression because I just didn't feel like everyone else. Then came the psychologist appointments where I was diagnosed with social anxiety. made sense at the time and in reality that was what I was experiencing. So I rolled with that. The beauty in social anxiety is there's at least hope to eliminate it. But living in my 20s and still feeling different despite all the social interaction I've had at my jobs and not feeling any improvement led me to believe that social anxiety wasn't the foundation of my problems. That's when I started googling "socially inept" and other related terms to see if it was a symptom of anything and found asperger's. I dismissed it at first because all the other symptoms are non existant in me. Plus I've always lived by this philosophy: I'm a strong independent person who will never really need anyone, but that conflicted with my urge to have a girlfriend partially for the sake of being normal and people not thinking I'm weird (I'm a good looking guy so people think it's weird that I don't have one). But also because I really just love beautiful women and when I see one it's kind of like love at first sight, maybe lust. Anyway I started talking to a girl at school and it was like instant attraction between us. I could sense she was into me (trust me this will all tie together I'm not trying to brag or anything lol) and I was on cloud 9. She kind of casually mentioned she had a boyfriend but made it sound like she wasn't much into his personality but I told myself to back off because of this. My feelings were too strong though and we were still into each other. The problem lies in the fact that there were a couple subtle hints dropped that I didn't pick up on until it was too late. And I was just too nervous to ask her out or for her phone number. So I think the ship has sailed and it sucks.

So this whole situation got me thinking and comparing myself with her. She's sort of shy but seems to have a good number of friends and a genuine interest in other people. I don't have many friends because I'm just not good at the whole joking around, bantering thing that people do so easily and I have real trouble forming a connection or bond with people. I don't know if that comes with time because it's been a while since I made a new friend or what. And I feel if I ever have a girlfriend how will she feel about her boyfriend who's not outgoing, quiet and doesn't have many friends? How far can a relationship last like that? So in steps this asperger's theory again and it just sounds like these handicaps are here to haunt you permanently with no hope for improvement. And sure the social skills could be improved upon but what about the lack of connection I feel with others? How does that ever change? Do you think I might have asperger's or am I just a social ret*d who's just taken up too much of your time with this post? Maybe the lack of connection is the cause of my disinterest in conversation and needs to be addressed. I'm a fixer and I just don't know where to start with this. Sorry if this sounds like a really self absorbed post I'm just interested in your opinions of what this could be. THANKS! The End

You can be on the spectrum without meeting the requirements for Aspergers. This sounds more likely from what what you say.

One, you can overcome some problems with Asperger's. I do ok in one on one social situations. I've worked hard on it and I'm just a little bit better. I understand body language, can fake my interest in small talk for awhile and know pretty well what is the appropriate thing to say.

Two, I don't think you have AS. Sometimes if you miss 1 or 2 symptoms you can still have it but you miss a whole lot. You should look into ADHD. The symptoms are similar, but they are bit better with social interaction. They still have problems with fitting in or just 'getting it'
Maybe watch some videos on AS on youtube.com and see if you can relate.

A spectrum disorder is possible, but it could also be something else. Autism shows up at a really young age, and it involves a lot more than feelings of social ineptitude.

I'll have to agree with the others. ADHD, the Bipolar Disorders, and Borderline Personality Disorder could all explain the feelings of social ineptitude. It's not just autism. Your best bet is a differential diagnosis by someone with a solid background in various mental disorders.

Since you didn't start having social problems until junior high, and you don't have any other ASD symptoms, I don't think you have it.

You're probably just not around many people who are like yourself and easy to connect with.

When I first read about AS (Aspergers) it wasn't the social deficits part that made me study it more, it was the other stuff. Without the other symptoms such as routines, "meltdowns", obsessions, stimming etc. It probably isn't AS, your only problem seems to be a social one, not a "living life" one. While social issues are a major part of As, they certainly aren't all of it.

So, in my opinion, you don't have it. Rejoice! Your life is probably going to be easier for it.

That does not sound like AS. You may just have no desire to be around many people. There are NTs who are introverts.

Nah, you don't sound like you are on the spectrum anywhere really.

I agree with this. I'm okay with one on one situations too at this point (I'm in my 40s, though), but I had social difficulties starting much earlier than junior high, although I was mostly oblivious to them until I was about 10 or 11 (though I still have a hard time with the whole "body language" thing). But, like many other posters here, it wasn't really the social awkwardism that made me start to think of AS....it was the history of meltdowns, the obsessions, the emotional communication difficulties that have made things very rough for me. Plus the fact that I had to learn to fake looking ppl I didn't know in the eye (I was in college before an astute psychology professor noted that my inability to make adequate eye contact was probably messing me up in interviews, and he taught me how to fake it...that was in my 20s). Most ppl don't have to do that.

To the OP--I'd get a professional evaluation because it's not clear-cut to me that you do or don't have it. I tend to think not, but I have only read your post and though I'm in the neurological field, it would be irresponsible of me to comment further without a full evaluation.

~Kate

[quote]Like your doomed to being a socially inept loner with no friends or love life and you can either a) deal with it or b) stress about it, but it's like there can't be any improvement it seems.[quote]This seems to indicate he does want improvement and the prospect of not having a social life makes him sad.

Women haven;t been a problem for me initially, as the obsessive nature of the AS personality makes us "read the manual" on how things like seduction work. We tend to learn where all the parts are kept and how they work. Usually it's a couple of months down the line when you run out of conversation that the problem starts.

Loneliness isn't a symptom of Aspergers, it's more of a side effect, and some sufferers don;t even care about it too much.

As has been said above, read up on this thing and if you're still worried then go see your doctor.

You don't sound autistic.

I assure you, from my continuous research of Aspergers, it is not Aspergers. On the otherhand, I have also been searching up "Loner" etc on Wikipedia and do have a few thoughts!:

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Schizoid Personality Disorder

The very normal feeling of Social Anxiety

These are just 3 of many possibilities, ofcourse.

Etular, can I ask you a question? I see you're 14 and diagnosed. Do you let people around you know about your AS or do you hide it? The reason I ask is that the old farts like myself have done our best to act "normal" because we never knew what we had (AS didn't even exist when I was your age!), but as a diagnosed young 'un do you feel the need or the pressure to do this?

I don't flaunt it, necessarily, but I make sure that trusted friends are known of it. Ofcourse, they don't give a care in the world no matter how much I go on about it... I still need to 'act normal' in front of them... Although they do, obviously, notice some differences (monotone, lack of empathy, social difficulties etc.) they put up with it most times. However, I, myself, am a "yes" man. I cannot say no. That is how I am, mostly, accepted amongst others.

Thanks a lot for all the replies eevryone. I really appreciate it. Some of the things you mentioned I know I don't have. Like adhd is a definite no, I'm very focused and my mind doesn't wander. That's kind of the problem my mind doesn't really think of anything and that's where the social problems come. It's like everyone else in the world has adhd and I'm left scratching my head. People come up with such random things to talk about out of thin air. Whereas now that I think about it I usually just imagine places, situations or think of songs, I don't really analyze topics too much because there's no such thing as a correct opinion, there's just opinions and people will either agree with you or they won't. Borderline personality I'm very sure I don't have either. Bipolar is slightly possible. It's very minor if I have it at all. I have grand dreams though and when I'm up I feel I can conquer the world and revolutionize everything, but when I'm down I feel like a worthless inept loser. But even if I do have bipolar it doesn't explain the laziness of my "social mind".

A couple things when I was younger though...I had an insane memory, and still do. People are amazed at how fast I can memorize things. In grade school I baffled the teacher with my memory of state and country capitals. I'd always get 100s and one time faced the entire class in a capitol competition. At work I memorized a chart of things in about 10 minutes when everyone else had a couple weeks and still couldn't memorize 50 percent of it. I also was shortly obsessed with capitol buildings of the US states and wanted to visit each one. I had no interest in architecture, it was just a weird obsession. City Halls was another short one. Maybe I was just a little interested in how they all looked, I can't remember. One night I called 411 over and over again to get the address to the city halls in all the surrounding suburbs until I got the same operator a couple times and asked if my mom knew I was making all these calls and feeling a little embarassed I decided to stop. I know a ton about music and am kind of obsessed with the 60s and all that changed in such a short span of time back then. Had quite an obsession with Jimi Hendrix too. But more or less everything interests me in this world and I dive deep into everything. I don't like just knowing a little about something. I like knowing pretty much everything about everything. My hobbies do become obsessions. My IQ is around 115, I know most people with this disorder are above average, although this is only just a little above.

So I'm thinking like englishforaliens said, I might be on the spectrum slightly. Enough to sort of screw me in the social department and make me a little obsessive. Other things I've considered is maybe I've conditioned myself to become like this. I've realized talking is pretty meaningless and thinking is more productive so at some point I must have said screw it. My grandpa's a quiet guy and would often tell me "silence is golden". Maybe I adopted that philosophy at some point. Or maybe I played the strong silent type a little too well for a little too long. Is it possible to have a more pronounced case of one symptom and lesser of the others or is it pretty much they're ALL equally pronounced or ALL equally minimal? Also what do you guys mean by meltdown?

Conversationally speaking I'm more straightforward in my approach and just inquire about other people. I ask questions and chime in if I have any input. I'll sometimes think of a joke but not often. One on one is much easier. In groups I tend to listen and just chime in or joke if I think of anything. Maybe I'm just a frustrated introvert All I know is I want to get out there and experience life with like minded people, but when you're quiet no one gives you a chance.

So given this additional info would you say my chance of having AS is a little higher or still a definite no? Thanks again everyone for helping me sort this out a bit. Don't forget to send the bill though lol